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Speed Dating Questions
Well if you thought dating was tough then perhaps speed dating will seem like a daunting task for you. Well, it isn't as bad as you think! People who are planning to try their luck at speed dating should remember that it is actually a fun way to explore the possibility of a potential relationship. Just like normal dating, it requires a little bit of preparation, presence of mind and of course your good judgment.
Speed dating as the name suggests, is a way of meeting new people while sitting across from them and asking them quick but well thought out questions that one needs to be prepared with beforehand. The men / women keep shuffling from one table to the next, given about a minute each to exchange questions that are meaningful.
Tips for Beginners
Because you haven't done this before, speed dating can naturally get you nail biting. Nothing to fret about here. Just remember that this is like any other kind of social get-up where people want to get to know each other, and possibly find someone worth dating. Let's see what important tips need to be borne in mind.
Look out for a speed dating event that's being organized at a decent venue, by a credible organizer.
Do not feel shy/embarrassed about attending a speed dating event. Go for it with a positive frame of mind.
Dress up well for the occasion, wear a perfume/cologne that has a mild yet pleasing fragrance.
Prepare in advance, by having a rough idea about the kind of questions you want to ask your dates.
Avoid racist or sexist questions and comments that can offend people.
Most importantly be calm, confident and comfortable in your own skin.
List of Valid Speed Dating Questions
Knowing what questions to ask in a limited time is very important. You can't fumble up or talk excessively. The questions you ask have to be to the point, relevant, and tactful.
⇨ Have you been married before? / Ever been divorced? (If yes, then ask - Got any kids?)
⇨ Do you live alone or with roommates / your parents?
⇨ What's your job like?
⇨ What do you do when you're not working?
⇨ What is your take on marriage?
⇨ Do you see yourself having kids one day?
⇨ What is your idea of fun over the weekend?
⇨ If we were going on a date, what would we do?
⇨ Are you an only child?
⇨ Do you smoke / drink often?
⇨ Where did you grow up?
⇨ What did you major in, in college?
⇨ Is this your first time speed dating?
⇨ Are you looking for something casual or serious?
⇨ Are you religious or spiritual? (You could ask this in another way like - So which religion do you follow?)
⇨ Does it bother you if a person is not from the same faith or caste?
⇨ Are you a Republican or Democrat? (If this somehow matters to you)
⇨ Would you ever consider moving away if you had to?
⇨ What do you hope to achieve in the next five years?
⇨ Do you work long hours?
⇨ Does me being a vegan bother you? (It is good to ask this if you want him / her to adjust to this fact)
⇨ For how long did your previous relationship last?
⇨ Why haven't you been seeing anyone for so long? (If they haven't dated in a while)
⇨ Are you close to either / both of your parents?
⇨ Is there anything else that I need to know about? (In case you find yourself without any more questions; you can end your time with the opposite person with this one)
These questions can give you a fair idea of what sort of areas need to be addressed when meeting someone for the first time. You can also form questions of your own using the above for guidance.
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Speed dating
Speed dating is a formalized matchmaking process or dating system whose purpose is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people. Its origins are credited to Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah. originally as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] SpeedDating . as a single word, is a registered trademark of Aish HaTorah. Speed dating . as two separate words, is often used as a generic term for similar events.
Contents
Organization [ edit ]
Usually advance registration is required for speed dating events. Men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates" usually lasting from three to eight minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each interval, the organizer rings a bell, clinks a glass, or blows a whistle to signal the participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event participants submit to the organizers a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties. Contact information cannot be traded during the initial meeting, in order to reduce pressure to accept or reject a suitor to his or her face.
There are many speed dating events now in the United Kingdom. Canada. and the United States. Requirements for each event vary with the organizer. Specific age range based on gender is a common restriction for events. Many speed dating events are targeted at particular communities: for example, LGBT people, polyamorists. [ 4 ] Christians. [ 5 ] Graduate student speed dating events are common. [ 6 ]
Practice [ edit ]
Some feel that speed dating has some obvious advantages over most other venues for meeting people, such as bars, discotheques. etc. in that everybody is purportedly there to meet someone, they are grouped into compatible age ranges, it is time-efficient, and the structured interaction eliminates the need to introduce oneself. Unlike many bars, a speed dating event will, by necessity, be quiet enough for people to talk comfortably. Speed dating is for singles.
Participants can come alone without feeling out of place; alternatively it is something that women who like to go out in groups can do together. [ 7 ]
Because the matching itself happens after the event, people do not feel pressured to select or reject each other in person. On the other hand, feedback and gratification are delayed as participants must wait a day or two for their results to come in.
The time limit ensures that a participant will not be stuck with a boorish match for very long, and prevents participants from monopolizing one another's time. On the other hand, a couple that decides they are incompatible early on will have to sit together for the duration of the round.
Most speed dating events match people at random, and participants will meet different "types" that they might not normally talk to in a club. On the other hand, the random matching precludes the various cues, such as eye contact, that people use in bars to preselect each other before chatting them up.
Online speed dating [ edit ]
Several online dating services offer online speed dating where users meet online for video, audio or text chats. The advantage of online speed dating is that users can go on dates from home as it can be done from any internet enabled computer. The disadvantage is people do not actually meet one another.
Scientific research [ edit ]
There have been several studies of the round-robin dating systems themselves, as well as studies of interpersonal attraction that are relevant to these events. Other studies found speed-dating data useful as a way to observe individual choices among random participants.
First impressions [ edit ]
A 2005 study at the University of Pennsylvania of multiple HurryDate speed dating events found that most people made their choices within the first three seconds of meeting. Furthermore, issues such as religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits were found to play much less of a role than expected. [ 8 ] [ 9 ]
A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland showed that 45% of the women participants in a speed-dating event and 22% of the men had come to a decision within the first 30 seconds. It also found that dialogue concerning travel resulted in more matches than dialogue about films. [ 10 ]
In a 2012 study, researchers found that activation of specific brain regions while viewing images of opposite-sex speed dating participants was predictive of whether or not a participant would later pursue or reject the viewed participants at an actual speed dating event. Men and women made decisions in a similar manner which incorporated the physical attractiveness and likability of the viewed participants in their evaluation. [ 11 ]
Subconscious preferences [ edit ]
Malcolm Gladwell 's book on split-second decision making, Blink , introduces two professors at Columbia University who run speed-dating events. Drs. Sheena Iyengar and Raymond Fisman found, from having the participants fill out questionnaires, that what people said they wanted in an ideal mate did not match their subconscious preferences. [ 12 ] [ 13 ]
Olfaction and the MHC [ edit ]
A 1995 study at the University of Bern showed that women appear to be attracted to the smell of men who have different MHC profiles from their own, and that oral contraceptives reversed this effect. [ 14 ]
The MHC is a region of the human genome involved with immune function. Because parents with more diverse MHC profiles would be expected to produce offspring with stronger immune systems. dissimilar MHC may play a role in sexual selection.
A speed "date" lasting several minutes should be long enough for the MHC hypothesis to come into play, provided the participants are seated close enough together. [ citation needed ]
Olfaction and pheromones [ edit ]
The TV newsmagazine 20/20 once sent both a male and a female set of twins to a speed dating event. One of each set was wearing pheromones. and the ones wearing pheromones received more matches. [ 15 ]
Age and height preference [ edit ]
A 2006 study by Michele Belot and Marco Francesconi into the relative effects of preference versus opportunity in mate selection showed, while concluding that opportunity was more important than preference, that a woman's age is the single most important factor determining demand by men. [ 16 ] Although less important than it is to men, age is still a highly significant factor determining demand by women.
The same study found that a man's height had a significant impact upon his desirability, with a reduction in height causing a decrease in desirability at the rate of 5% per inch.
Selectivity [ edit ]
Studies of speed dating events generally show more selectivity among women than among men. For instance, the Penn study reported that the average man was chosen by 34% of the women and the average woman was chosen by 49% of the men. [ 8 ] New studies suggest that the selectivity is based on which gender is seated and which is rotating. This new study showed that when men were seated and the women rotated, the men were more selective. [ 17 ]
Spin-offs [ edit ]
The popularity or charm of speed dating has led to at least one offspring: Speed Networking. A structured way of running business networking events with the goal of making meeting potential business contacts easier and more productive. Some speed dating companies have now started offering free speed dating where you do not pay unless you meet somebody you like.
Business speed dating has also been used in China as a way for business people to meet each other and to decide if they have similar business objectives and synergies. [ citation needed ] Speed dating offers participating investors and companies an opportunity to have focused private meetings with targeted groups in a compact time frame.
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Greatist News examines and explains the trends and studies making headlines in fitness, health, and happiness. Check out all the news here .
Before the rise of Tinder and OKCupid, back in the days when banging our friends didn’t require a Facebook account, there was speed dating.
Essentially, a session of heterosexual speed dating involves a group of women sitting around in a circle and a group of men who rotate around them. Everyone gets a chance to meet (and flirt); and successful pairings are given contact info to try their luck in the "real world."
Speed dating is useful for obvious reasons, like sharing horror stories about inappropriate participants. But, for two Stanford researchers, speed dating also provides rich material for analyzing the science behind romance and attraction. According to their findings, there are a few key elements of the standard four-minute speed date that consistently predict whether two people will hit it off or head for the hills — even outside of the speed-dating arena. Some of the results are a no-brainer (women like men who are interested in them), while others are less intuitive (who knew asking too many questions was a faux pas?).
What’s the Deal?
Researchers recruited graduate students from an “elite private American university” to take part in a series of speed dating sessions in 2005. Everyone participated just once, and all students were promised the contact information of anyone they matched with. The daters wore audio recorders during their four-minute interviews (so no lewd comments, please!). In the end, researchers ended up accumulating transcripts of 1,100 dates. All daters also filled out surveys about their demographic, personal interests, and dating experience.
After analyzing all the data, the scientists came to the conclusion that there are certain key factors that predict whether couples “clicked.” Perhaps surprisingly, men and women usually said they clicked when their conversations were mostly about the women . Less shocking, women were more likely to say they connected with men who used appreciative language (“That’s awesome!”) and who interrupted them — but only as a way to show understanding and engagement (“Exactly”).
And for those who think it’s a good idea to ask a bazillion questions about where their partner grew up and the name of his or her childhood pet, think again: Asking questions usually signalled a lack of connection . probably because women felt that they had to act curious in order to keep a boring conversation going. Signs of a good conversation were subtler, like varying one’s speech to get louder and softer.
Why It Matters
Some previous research on speed dating and first encounters has found that physical attractiveness pretty much determines whether two people are initially into each other [1]. But this new study adds to a growing body of research suggesting there are other factors, aside from a pretty face, that predict whether two people click. For example, one study found that speed-dating couples with similar speaking styles were more likely to report a mutual connection.
What seems pretty clear from all the research is that speed dating isn’t just B. S. In general, people are pretty quick to determine whether they like each other . (Four minutes might be pushing it, though, since some research suggests it takes 20 minutes for people to decide whether they want a second date.) And first impressions may be more important for men than for women. In one survey. one in five men said they’d experienced love at first sight, while only one in 10 women said the same.
Still, the researchers’ findings aren’t meant to be rules for how to interact on a first date. Instead, they’re observations about the factors that contribute to romantic chemistry. When on a first date — or, really, in any situation — it’s probably best to just be yourself . There’s no use faking a connection: If you don’t click with your potential mate, you probably wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them anyway.
When it comes to romance, how much do first impressions matter to you? Let us know in the comments below or tweet the author at @ShanaDLebowitz .
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