Dating your cousin

Related Questions

What are the pros and cons (legally and morally) of dating your 1st cousin? To make a long story short, my cousin and I became close friends, then fell in love with each other. We have that "don't care" attitude on what others say or think about our relationship, but are curious anyway.

Signed,

Jus' need advice from a 3rd party.

Dear Jus' need advice from a 3rd party.

Negative reactions to cousins who pair off stem largely from the belief that children from such relationships may have physical and/or mental abnormalities. Newborns with genetic disorders such as spina bifida or cystic fibrosis are more likely to be born of blood relatives because previously unexpressed recessive genes are more likely to appear. First cousins are two-times more likely to bear offspring with a birth defect than children born of couples who don't share a common grandparent. If cousin couples happen to be carrying known genetic diseases, the risks faced by their offspring can jump. Experts say 1 out of 4 such children will have some sort of disorder.

Legally, you can date and be intimate with your first cousin, but if you are considering marriage, laws vary by state and country. In the U. S. some states legally forbid first cousins from marrying, some require genetic counseling before legal union can take place, and other states require proof that at least one potential spouse is infertile. You can find out more about family law in your own state by contacting a legal services office, a law school that offers legal services to students and the public, or searching your state's homepage on the internet. You can also look it up under "marriage" or "domestic relationships" in the legal statutes for your state (paper copies are found in a state government office).

Regarding your question of the moral consequences of dating your first cousin, it's up to the two of you to know what your values are, what you're thinking about for the future, and what's best for you as individuals, a couple, and a family. As with all moral decisions, this is a personal, but complicated matter, given societal norms and the many who see cousin marriages as taboo. If you are considering having children together, it makes sense to seek genetic counseling. A genetic counselor is a nurse or doctor with special training or expertise who will perform tests and learn about you and your partner's family history. With a clearer picture of the risks your offspring might face, a counselor can help you reach a decision that makes sense for you, your partner, and if you choose to go down that path, your children as well. You can learn more about genetic counseling by visiting the March of Dimes Birth Defects Foundation. For more general information and studies on the effects of blood related unions, visit the March of Dimes Birth Defects Foundation web site.

You say you have a "don't care" attitude, but you are smart to ask about the risks — legal, moral, and medical. Additionally, while you may not care what society thinks, do you care what other members of your family think? You may want to consider discussion how your relationships affects them. All that said, it sounds as though you and your partner have found something special in each other. No one knows where your dating relationship will lead — but it's good to be aware as you explore your closeness and make choices.

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11 State Laws About Marrying Your Cousins, From Strictest to Loosest

written by Sam Greenspan

Usually I give my lists a prologue like "I was watching TV the other day and during a Nissan commercial I thought to myself, 'Hey, that's a cool song' so I decided to devote five hours of my late 20s to an 11-points list of techno music from 2000 to 2005 that's been used in foreign car commercials."

This list gets no such prologue. I have no desire to marry my first cousins (so no worries, Sarah, Rachel, Molly or Julie) -- nor any recollection of why the idea for this list popped into my strange, strange brain.

All I know is that I thought cousin marriages could make for an interesting list topic, I started digging around, and that brought us to now.

So here, my friends, are the 11 different state laws about first cousin marriage that exist across the 50 states. I've ranked the list from the places where it's most difficult to marry your first cousin down to the places where anything goes.

And who knows? Maybe someone will find this list, realize that those taboo feelings they've been having every year at Thanksgiving aren't that strange, and use the info gathered here to finally make true love happen. Plus think about how cheap the wedding will be -- so much overlap in the number of guests that fall under the "well, we have to invite your Uncle Bernie" umbrella!

I felt like these two people looked like cousins.

A ban on marriages between first cousins and first cousins once removed: Indiana, Kentucky, Nevada, Ohio, Washington and Wisconsin. These states have the strictest laws (especially Kentucky, Nevada and Ohio, as you'll see the others below all make exceptions). In these six states, you can't marry your first cousin OR first cousin once removed (your first cousin once removed is the child of your first cousin).

By the way, if you're wondering why I didn't start this list with the states that ban all cousin marriages or second cousin marriages. it's because there aren't any. It is legal in all 50 states to marry your second cousin. Seriously.

A ban on marriages between first cousins, but first cousins once removed are good to go: Arkansas, Delaware, Iowa, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, New Hampshire, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Nebraska, Oregon, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Texas, West Virginia and Wyoming. So these states are pretty strict. But they're not as worried about cousins from different generations (the whole once removed thing). Many of them, as you'll see below, also have other little loopholes.

Adopted first cousins are good to go, as long as they've got proof: Louisiana, Mississippi, Oregon, West Virginia. I was actually surprised more of the banned states from above don't have adopted cousin loopholes. Because, in general, the biggest argument against first cousin marriage is, ya know, the potential for flipper children. If you're legislating against adopted first cousins marrying, then you're legislating morality.

And I'd be shocked, just shocked, to think that any places in this country would try to legislate morality.

Banned, but if you marry your cousin where it's legal then come back to the state, they'll let you get away with it: Indiana, Kansas, Louisiana, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Washington, West Virginia, Wyoming. I like this loophole. Go ahead and marry your first cousin, just don't do it on our turf.

It's like when the CTU director du jour turns off the camera so Jack Bauer can torture someone off the record on "24". At least I assume "24" is still about lots 'o torture and a revolving door of CTU directors saying "I'm in charge now." I haven't watched the show since they brought Wayne Palmer out of a coma or something to get him to stop yet another hot-headed vice presi. recycle, recycle, recycle.

It was hard to find photos to accompany this list. Don't these two look like cousins also?

Banned, but if you marry your cousin where it's legal then come back to the state, they'll probably let you get away with it: Arkansas, Michigan. It's a little ambiguous in both of these states. Michigan doesn't have any precedents on it, nor any laws that seem to specifically prohibit it.

Arkansas's position on first cousin marriages is clearer -- they don't want to accept it -- but a 1986 Arkansas Supreme Court decision, Etheridge v. Shaddock, upheld an out of state first cousin marriage, so there's some precedent there. Yeah that's right. 11points cites state supreme court precedents. What?

A ban on first cousins and first cousins once removed unless both meet certain age and/or fertility restrictions: Indiana, Wisconsin. In Indiana, first cousins or first once removed can get together. as long as they're both over 65 and infertile. In Wisconsin, the way around the ban is for the woman to be over 55 or at least one of the two people to be infertile.

This all seems a bit strange to me. it's one thing for a couple of young, naive cousins to fall in love. But if you're 68 years old and just realizing that the cousin you've been hangin' with since you were toddlers is actually the love of your life. it doesn't seem the same.

A ban on first cousins (once removed are fine), unless both meet certain age and/or fertility restrictions: Arizona, Illinois, Utah. These are similar bans, they just apply only to first cousins. In Illinois, both have to be over 50 or one has to be infertile; in Arizona both have to be over 65 or one has to be infertile; in Utah both have to be over 65, or both have to be over 55 with one being infertile.

This is all designed to make sure married first cousins don't have kids. And, in all cases, it's also apparently designed to make sure that when the married first cousins go out to movies they can save $2 with their senior discounts.

Banned, unless permitted by "aboriginal culture": Minnesota. Translation: White people in Minnesota may not marry their first cousins. If there were black people in Minnesota, they'd be banned from that too. But if you're from a local Indian population where marrying your first cousin is a part of your history. it's all good.

So, Dakota Sioux, Ojibwe and Chippewa -- the tribes of Minnesota -- let it ride.

Charles Darwin married his first cousin. So did Edgar Allen Poe and H. G. Wells. Jerry Lee Lewis married his first cousin once removed.

Allowed if both first cousins submit to genetic counseling: Maine. I think this is actually the most democratic of all the bans, because it's truly legislating against potential birth defects and nothing else. If you want to marry your first cousin, have your genes looked at to make sure your kid isn't going to turn out like a member of British nobility. If you're clean together, go for it.

Only double first cousins prohibited from getting married: North Carolina. I had to look up double first cousins. What's that? It's when "two siblings reproduce with another set of siblings". their children are all double first cousins.

So, if a girl and her sister are out and meet two brothers, they pair off, have sex, and each couple produces a baby. those kids couldn't get married in North Carolina.

And since that seems exceedingly rare, I ask you, North Carolina: Why bother? Is this just a token effort not to make my "Anything Goes!" list below? This is like saying you're giving up alcohol, but only giving up Sam Adams Winter Lager.

Let it ride! Alaska, Alabama, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, Washington D. C. and Shelbyville. Ya know, for all the jokes about the South being the home of family member-on-family member sex. pretty much all of the hippy liberal states are on this list. and the majority of the redneckkiest states aren't. So ruminate on that. (Better than the conclusion of this list leading to you ruminating about your first cousin, right?)

This list was originally published on Thursday, April 23, 2009 at 12:01:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex .

So, You Say You're Dating Your Cousin.

Did I really just read that?

It's Saturday morning and I'm enjoying my non-fat blueberry muffin (as if that's going to make my jeans fit looser) and a delicious iced-vanilla coffee from Dunkin Donuts with extra sugar, reading the St. Petersburg times as I often do and there it is. Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnnn. the Dear Abby article that made me spit my three dollar coffee everywhere!

The article is in typical Dear Abby fashion. The question at hand is this; girl goes home to family funeral, girl meets distant cousin, sixth to be exact (whatever that means) now, girl and sixth cousin are dating. Girl wants to curiously ask if that is wrong. As if that's not just funny enough, it gets better, much better. Before I read Abby's response, I am convinced that it will defianly tell the reader that she should abort ship and not date a cousin of any number. This is not what Abby says my friends. Dear Abby, oh my dear, dear Abby, unwittingly procures her response right there in bold black letters, new times roman font no less, and I should probably quote her so you get the full effect.

ANSWER: " Sixth cousins are so distantly related that there is no reason why you shouldn't be a couple if you wish to be. Becoming a couple is an evolution. Let the relationship evolve - don't be secretive. People who love you should be happy for both of you." [February 8th 2008 St. Petersburt Times].

People come on here, throw me a bone on this one.

The whole purpose behind Dear Abby is to provide advise that one can actually benefit from, or so I thought. This is utter nonsense! Hello, Abby are you there it's me sanity I once floated around your brain, shall I come back now? Perhaps the Dunkin Donuts coffee Abby drank this morning was mixed with a little incestuous creamer. I mean seriously, all West Virginia, brother and sisters dating jokes aside, did someone really ask this and did Abby really say, 'to allow dating your cousin to evolve. ' Since, I will most definitely never meet this girl that makes out with her sixth cousin, I will not have the opportunity to rectify the bad advice that has been given to her. Instead, I will only get to pathetically vent to my Hubpage readers about what I believe would have been the right advice to give.

I try and commit one good deed to a stranger each day. I started last week, I actually think I missed a few days so, anyhow, I've decided, though we're worlds apart, my one good deed is going out to my new found - cousin lovin' weirdo. Here it is.

Nikalina's ANSWER: Newsflash, THE WORLD IS OVERPOPULATED . There is no need to date your cousin, however distant you care to pathetically explain, you cannot date your cousin. You know how when you get in your car and there are millions of people around you and the earth is gigantic and something like 10,000 babies are born every minute (that's an exageration but you get the point) there are plenty of fish in the sea. You said in your writing that you asked your doctor if it was 'medically okay' to date your cousin. Are you kidding me? No, it's not medically okay to date your sixth, seventh or even eighth cousin. Do you want to know why? No, matter what number you place in front of that label, the guy is still your freaking cousin! Gross, gross, gross! Okay, so maybe your chances to have children medically in check are all lined up but, did you really want to enter your highschool reunion and have to answer the question, "Oh where di dyou two meet?" You'd have to say that YOU WERE COUSINS! To once again, throw Abby right under the bus, yup, here it comes, vroom vroom, if people loved you, they would tell you that your f'd in the head and you need to not make out with. your cousin! If people that are your friends with are okay with you dating your sixth cousin, there is only a few explanations that I can come up with to rationalize such absurdity. Either they too are backwards ass country folk that have never left their one horse town or secondly, they don't care enough about you to tell you that you are totally gross for dating your cousin.

Take this advise and do what you wish with it. I'm sure in some areas of the world it is common to date within a family tribe, I get that. I can hear the murmur of those of you religious Jesus thriving addicts that, we are all God's children and we are all related in some fashion. Yada, yada. sell that somewhere else cause I aint buyin it. On second thought, perhaps I'm missing the grand advise in all of this. Maybe this is why I'm in my late 20's, not married, no children and the highlight of my day is writing on Hub-pages? It is because I have not sought out my ever so hot distant cousins as possible dating material. I must go now and explore which of my distant cousins are single. burp, excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

It gets worse. I was doing some research to list some helpful websites on dating one's cousin and the problems associated with it. Unfortunately, Google has too many top hits that are actually just this same pathetic posed question in different words. I knew I should have just brewed my own coffee this morning. sigh.

Dating

Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship. beyond the level of friendship. or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

History [ edit ]

Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries. From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology. dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including advances in technology and medicine. As humans have evolved from hunter-gatherers into civilized societies and more recently into modern societies, there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to happen. [ 3 ]

Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species. in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life. [ 4 ] According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. [ 4 ] These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human reproduction. including dating. However, one particularity of the human species is that pair bonds are often formed without necessarily having the intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds formed by same-sex and transsexual couples, and that many heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing widely in many countries.

Historically, marriages in most societies were arranged by parents and older relatives with the goal not being love but legacy and "economic stability and political alliances", according to anthropologists. [ 5 ] Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial period such as dating before a permanent community-recognized union was formed between a man and a woman. While pair-bonds of varying forms were recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, marriage was reserved for heterosexual pairings and had a transactional nature, where wives were in many cases a form of property being exchanged between father and husband, and who would have to serve the function of reproduction. Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such as Europe ; in China. according to sociologist Tang Can, society "demanded people get married before having a sexual relationship" [ 6 ] and many societies found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was the best way of rearing and educating children as well as helping to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates.

Cousin

A cousin is a relative with whom a person shares one or more common ancestors. In the general sense, cousins are two or more generations away from any common ancestor, thus distinguishing a cousin from an ancestor, descendant, sibling, aunt, uncle, niece, or nephew. However in common parlance, "cousin" normally specifically means "first cousin".

Basic definitions [ edit ]

The ordinals in the terms "first cousins", "second cousins", "third cousins", refer to the number of generations to one's closest common ancestor. [ 1 ] When the cousins are not the same generation, they are described as "removed". In this case, the smaller number of generations to the common ancestor is used to determine the degree, and the difference in generations determines the number of times removed. Note that the ages of the cousins are irrelevant to the definition of the cousin relationship.

First cousins [ edit ]

Second cousins [ edit ]

Third cousins [ edit ]

Canon law relationship chart [ edit ]

Another visual chart used in determining the legal relationship between two people who share a common ancestor is based upon a diamond shape, usually referred to as a "canon law relationship chart".

The chart is used by placing the "common progenitor" (the most recent person from whom both people are descended) in the top space in the diamond-shaped chart and then following each line down the outside edge of the chart. Upon reaching the final place along the opposing outside edge for each person, the relationship is then determined by following that line inward to the point where the lines intersect. The information contained in the common "intersection" defines the relationship.

For a simple example, in the illustration to the right, if two siblings use the chart to determine their relationship, their common parents are placed in the topmost position, and each child is assigned the space below and along the outside of the chart. Then, following the spaces inward, the two would meet in the "brother/sister" diamond. If their children want to determine their relationship, they would follow the path established by their parents but descend an additional step below along the outside of the chart (showing that they are grandchildren of the common progenitor); following their respective lines inward, they would come to rest in the space marked "1st cousin". In cases where one side descends the outside of the diamond further than the other side because of additional generations removed from the common progenitor, following the lines inward shows both the cousin rank (1st cousin, 2nd cousin) plus the number of times (generations) "removed".

In the example provided at the right, generations one (child) through ten (8th great-grandchild) from the common progenitor are provided; however, the format of the chart can easily be expanded to accommodate any number of generations needed to resolve the question of relationship.

Mathematical definitions [ edit ]

There is a mathematical way to identify the degree of cousinship shared by two individuals. In the description of each individual's relationship to the most recent common ancestor, each "great" or "grand" has a numerical value of 1. The following examples demonstrate how this is applied.

Example: If person one's great-great-great-grandfather is person two's grandfather, then person one's "number" is 4 (great + great + great + grand = 4) and person two's "number" is 1 (grand = 1). The smaller of the two numbers is the degree of cousinship. The two people in this example are first cousins. The difference between the two people's "numbers" is the degree of removal. In this case, the two people are thrice (4 ? 1 = 3) removed, making them first cousins three times removed.

Example 2: If someone's great-great-great-grandparent (great + great + great + grand = 4) is another person's great-great-great-grandparent (great + great + great + grand = 4), then the two people are 4th cousins. There is no degree of removal because they are on the same generational level (4 ? 4 = 0).

Example 3: If one person's great-grandparent (great + grand = 2) is a second person's great-great-great-great-great-grandparent (great + great + great + great + great + grand = 6), then the two are second cousins four times removed. The first person's "number" (2) is the lower, making them second cousins. The difference between the two numbers is 4 (6 ? 2 = 4), which is the degree of removal (generational difference).

A niece or nephew could be referred to as a "zeroth cousin once removed", and thus a sibling as a "zeroth cousin (zero times removed)". This can be extended to define oneself as a "minus one cousin", parents and children as "minus one cousins once removed", and so on. This forms the basis of an inductive definition of "Nth cousin M-times removed".

Alternative definitions [ edit ]

Colloquial usage [ edit ]

In day to day speech, "cousin" is often used unmodified. Normally it means a first cousin, but some people use the term "cousin" to refer to cousins of all types, such as first, second, and third cousins, as well as cousins once or more times removed. Modifier terms such as "half-cousin" or "step-cousin" are rarely used in everyday speech. [ citation needed ]

Extremely distant relations [ edit ]