Speed dating
Speed dating is a formalized matchmaking process or dating system whose purpose is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people. Its origins are credited to Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah. originally as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] SpeedDating . as a single word, is a registered trademark of Aish HaTorah. Speed dating . as two separate words, is often used as a generic term for similar events.
Contents
Organization [ edit ]
Usually advance registration is required for speed dating events. Men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates" usually lasting from three to eight minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each interval, the organizer rings a bell, clinks a glass, or blows a whistle to signal the participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event participants submit to the organizers a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties. Contact information cannot be traded during the initial meeting, in order to reduce pressure to accept or reject a suitor to his or her face.
There are many speed dating events now in the United Kingdom. Canada. and the United States. Requirements for each event vary with the organizer. Specific age range based on gender is a common restriction for events. Many speed dating events are targeted at particular communities: for example, LGBT people, polyamorists. [ 4 ] Christians. [ 5 ] Graduate student speed dating events are common. [ 6 ]
Practice [ edit ]
Some feel that speed dating has some obvious advantages over most other venues for meeting people, such as bars, discotheques. etc. in that everybody is purportedly there to meet someone, they are grouped into compatible age ranges, it is time-efficient, and the structured interaction eliminates the need to introduce oneself. Unlike many bars, a speed dating event will, by necessity, be quiet enough for people to talk comfortably. Speed dating is for singles.
Participants can come alone without feeling out of place; alternatively it is something that women who like to go out in groups can do together. [ 7 ]
Because the matching itself happens after the event, people do not feel pressured to select or reject each other in person. On the other hand, feedback and gratification are delayed as participants must wait a day or two for their results to come in.
The time limit ensures that a participant will not be stuck with a boorish match for very long, and prevents participants from monopolizing one another's time. On the other hand, a couple that decides they are incompatible early on will have to sit together for the duration of the round.
Most speed dating events match people at random, and participants will meet different "types" that they might not normally talk to in a club. On the other hand, the random matching precludes the various cues, such as eye contact, that people use in bars to preselect each other before chatting them up.
Online speed dating [ edit ]
Several online dating services offer online speed dating where users meet online for video, audio or text chats. The advantage of online speed dating is that users can go on dates from home as it can be done from any internet enabled computer. The disadvantage is people do not actually meet one another.
Scientific research [ edit ]
There have been several studies of the round-robin dating systems themselves, as well as studies of interpersonal attraction that are relevant to these events. Other studies found speed-dating data useful as a way to observe individual choices among random participants.
First impressions [ edit ]
A 2005 study at the University of Pennsylvania of multiple HurryDate speed dating events found that most people made their choices within the first three seconds of meeting. Furthermore, issues such as religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits were found to play much less of a role than expected. [ 8 ] [ 9 ]
A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland showed that 45% of the women participants in a speed-dating event and 22% of the men had come to a decision within the first 30 seconds. It also found that dialogue concerning travel resulted in more matches than dialogue about films. [ 10 ]
In a 2012 study, researchers found that activation of specific brain regions while viewing images of opposite-sex speed dating participants was predictive of whether or not a participant would later pursue or reject the viewed participants at an actual speed dating event. Men and women made decisions in a similar manner which incorporated the physical attractiveness and likability of the viewed participants in their evaluation. [ 11 ]
Subconscious preferences [ edit ]
Malcolm Gladwell 's book on split-second decision making, Blink , introduces two professors at Columbia University who run speed-dating events. Drs. Sheena Iyengar and Raymond Fisman found, from having the participants fill out questionnaires, that what people said they wanted in an ideal mate did not match their subconscious preferences. [ 12 ] [ 13 ]
Olfaction and the MHC [ edit ]
A 1995 study at the University of Bern showed that women appear to be attracted to the smell of men who have different MHC profiles from their own, and that oral contraceptives reversed this effect. [ 14 ]
The MHC is a region of the human genome involved with immune function. Because parents with more diverse MHC profiles would be expected to produce offspring with stronger immune systems. dissimilar MHC may play a role in sexual selection.
A speed "date" lasting several minutes should be long enough for the MHC hypothesis to come into play, provided the participants are seated close enough together. [ citation needed ]
Olfaction and pheromones [ edit ]
The TV newsmagazine 20/20 once sent both a male and a female set of twins to a speed dating event. One of each set was wearing pheromones. and the ones wearing pheromones received more matches. [ 15 ]
Age and height preference [ edit ]
A 2006 study by Michele Belot and Marco Francesconi into the relative effects of preference versus opportunity in mate selection showed, while concluding that opportunity was more important than preference, that a woman's age is the single most important factor determining demand by men. [ 16 ] Although less important than it is to men, age is still a highly significant factor determining demand by women.
The same study found that a man's height had a significant impact upon his desirability, with a reduction in height causing a decrease in desirability at the rate of 5% per inch.
Selectivity [ edit ]
Studies of speed dating events generally show more selectivity among women than among men. For instance, the Penn study reported that the average man was chosen by 34% of the women and the average woman was chosen by 49% of the men. [ 8 ] New studies suggest that the selectivity is based on which gender is seated and which is rotating. This new study showed that when men were seated and the women rotated, the men were more selective. [ 17 ]
Spin-offs [ edit ]
The popularity or charm of speed dating has led to at least one offspring: Speed Networking. A structured way of running business networking events with the goal of making meeting potential business contacts easier and more productive. Some speed dating companies have now started offering free speed dating where you do not pay unless you meet somebody you like.
Business speed dating has also been used in China as a way for business people to meet each other and to decide if they have similar business objectives and synergies. [ citation needed ] Speed dating offers participating investors and companies an opportunity to have focused private meetings with targeted groups in a compact time frame.
Tips for successful online dating
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(OPRAH. com) -- In 2000, Brenda Allison graduated from law school and moved to Chicago. There, she found a supportive group of friends, an apartment within walking distance of the city's hottest spots. and absolutely no time to date.
"I'm a lawyer, and it's a job that takes up a lot of time," she says. "I didn't know how I was going to meet someone, especially when with what little free time I had I wanted to spend it with my friends."
Heeding advice from friends living in New York City, Allison turned to the Internet. "There weren't a lot of people using the Internet to date back then," she says. "I had to go to Kinko's and scan in a picture of myself for my profile." Soon after that, she was on a date.
"I met this guy for drinks, and everything was going fine. I have a tendency to mess with my hair when I get nervous, so I start running my hands through it. An hour or so into the date, he looks me straight in the eyes and says: 'You have got to stop touching your hair because it's driving me crazy. I don't know if I'm going to be able to control myself!' I didn't know what to say to that, so I told him my friends were at the back of the bar, which they were. I never went out with him again."
For Allison, that night was the beginning of series of dating travails. Despite a few duds and near misses, her perseverance -- plus an online connection seven years later that resulted in a marriage proposal -- would eventually reaffirm her belief that online dating is an ideal way to make a real connection with another person.
"Meeting someone in a bar never quite worked out," she says. "The bar scene was always about 'Hey baby, you're hot' after a few drinks."
Though once considered the sole province of the nerdy and socially challenged, online dating has come a long way. According to online dating site Match. com. more than 20,000 people register to use the site every day. eHarmony says it has 20 million registered users on its roster and according to a recent study it commissioned, the dating site is responsible for 2 percent of all marriages in the United States.
How are all of these people finding success in love online? According to experts, honesty, patience and a well-thought-out profile are all anyone needs to find true love.
The Profile
The key to successful dating online is a well-written user profile. A profile is the unique, customizable area on an online dating site that contains biographical information about yourself, as well as photographs and details about what you're looking for in a potential mate.
"A lot of people get really intimidated by the profile process," says Whitney Casey, relationship insider for Match. com. "But when you think about it, when you go out, you get only one chance to make a great first impression. With a profile, you get as many as you want."
Casey suggests new users break down their profile into four parts -- the picture, the headline, the username and the paragraph. Gather a group of friends to help you out, and go step-by-step. "Your friends are going to keep you honest," she says. "Plus, they'll make sure you use the best picture of yourself."
The Picture
• Stay recent and real, Casey says. All pictures should be taken within the last six months and feature a head shot, as well as a full body shot. "Putting up pictures that represent what you look like means you don't have to worry later, if he or she doesn't call you to go out again, that it's because of how you look," Allison says. "Be honest about who you are."
• Avoid pictures of yourself with either too many props or too many other people. "Find a happy medium between being Action Jackson and Mr. or Miss Poser," Casey says. "Your main picture should be just you, and not you wearing sunglasses or you holding your dog. Use those photos for the supplemental pictures."
• Update photos as much as possible. Casey suggests including photos from recent vacations as well as those that feature you taking part in a hobby you enjoy. "They make good conversation starters," she says.
• Don't include too many pictures of you with other people."There are so many guys online who will include pictures of themselves with other women," Allison says. "You don't know who those women are, and it sends the wrong impression."
The Username
• Don't be too esoteric. Casey says it's fine to select a name that's clever, but don't pick something that will likely go over people's heads or come off as inaccessible.
• If the name you want is taken, don't try to force one. "Some people have usernames you need a decoder ring to decipher," Casey says. "All the numbers and letters jumbled together make it really hard to figure out what it means."
• Stay clear of anything too provocative. "Using something like 'legsfordays' as a username is probably not the impression you want to give if you're looking for a serious relationship," Casey says.
The Headline or Status Line
• Your headline should answer a basic question such as "What am I looking for?" Casey says the answer should be fun and playful and prompt people to want to click into your profile to get to know you better. "Something like 'This week I'm looking for a great cocktail date near Central Park' is fun and makes your profile stand out.
• Like the username, stay away from being too clever. "When you use too many puns or inside references, people aren't getting to know the real you," Casey says.
The Description
• Create three separate paragraphs. The first, Casey says, should be about who you are and what you like to do. The second should contain things such as your pet peeves and personal quirks -- anything that is unique and stands out from the crowd. The last paragraph should detail what your life looks likes now, including the most recent movies you've seen, books you've read or places you've visited.
• Be brief. No one wants to read a novel, Casey says, and users should be careful about sharing too much.
• Be as unique as possible. "There was a point where everyone dating online was reading "The DaVinci Code" and they all made statements like 'I'm equally at home in a dive bar as I am dressing up,'" Allison says. "Those people don't seem real. Specificity is what makes you stand out. Tell people if you took a week off of work to follow Pearl Jam. Let them know about your "Lord of the Rings" collection! It's the best way to catch someone's eye."
• Spell check.
Get in It to Win It
Dr. Gian Gonzaga, a senior research scientist with eHarmony, says a key component to online dating is patience. "Imagine you're walking into a bar with 100 people in it. Services like eHarmony show you 10 people who you could go out with," he says. "But that doesn't mean they're perfect, just that they share important characteristics that are the basis for a good relationship. People spend years searching for a relationship. You can't give up because you go on a couple of dates that don't work out."
Casey agrees. "People put a lot of pressure on themselves when they date online, especially if people have exchanged a few great e-mails. Practice makes perfect. You have practice at dating."
In fact, both experts say that one of the hidden benefits of dating online is that it allows people to critically examine what they want out of life, not just out of a potential mate, in a way they hadn't done before. "It's supposed to be fun," Gonzaga says. "We love to hear the stories about people who end up married, but the life experience you gain, and knowing that people are going out and enjoying their lives, that makes us happy too."
Happily Ever After
In June 2007, Allison set a reminder for herself on her computer to cancel her online dating membership at eHarmony. The demands of her job had taken a bite out of her social schedule, and she hadn't found anyone promising in months. The money, she said, was going to waste.
"And then I got busy at work, ignored the reminder and forgot until I saw the deduction in my checking account," Allison said. "I was so mad at myself because I got tired of spending the money."
The very next day, she received this e-mail: "We'd like to introduce you to Jeff from Chicago." Nine months later, Jeff from Chicago asked Allison to marry him. In May 2009, they were married.
Casey says stories like Allison's aren't uncommon, but people should simply look at online dating as a means to an end. "You have to take every opportunity available to you," she says. "It doesn't mean you can't still meet people in real life; it just means you're enhancing your options."
By Erin J. Shea from Oprah. com © 2009
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Dating
Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship. beyond the level of friendship. or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
History [ edit ]
Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries. From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology. dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including advances in technology and medicine. As humans have evolved from hunter-gatherers into civilized societies and more recently into modern societies, there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to happen. [ 3 ]
Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species. in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life. [ 4 ] According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. [ 4 ] These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human reproduction. including dating. However, one particularity of the human species is that pair bonds are often formed without necessarily having the intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds formed by same-sex and transsexual couples, and that many heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing widely in many countries.
Historically, marriages in most societies were arranged by parents and older relatives with the goal not being love but legacy and "economic stability and political alliances", according to anthropologists. [ 5 ] Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial period such as dating before a permanent community-recognized union was formed between a man and a woman. While pair-bonds of varying forms were recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, marriage was reserved for heterosexual pairings and had a transactional nature, where wives were in many cases a form of property being exchanged between father and husband, and who would have to serve the function of reproduction. Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such as Europe ; in China. according to sociologist Tang Can, society "demanded people get married before having a sexual relationship" [ 6 ] and many societies found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was the best way of rearing and educating children as well as helping to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates.
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This Amateur Einstein Has the Ladies All Figured Out
Unveiling his "Hot Crazy Matrix" to the world for the first time on YouTube, 46-year-old armchair sociologist and unsung American hero Dana McLendon just changed the dating game for men everywhere
Leave it to a 46-year-old suburban dad to crack the complex code that is womankind. Dana McLendon, a pistol-packing lawyer from Tennessee who gives off more of an algebra teacher vibe, appears in a YouTube video posted last week by Tactical Response CEO James Yeager, the defense-training expert best known for threatening to “start killing people” if the government tightened gun control laws. Calling upon all the wisdom he’s gained about women, dating and finding the one in his half-century on earth, McLendon outlines what he calls his “Universal Hot Crazy Matrix,” which is “everything a young man needs to know about women” summarized in one convenient infographic.
As much as we really wanted to hate it, we have to hand it to McLendon—though his chart pushes all the uncomfortable buttons in the politically incorrect, misogynistic ways you’d expect, it kind of works. As a female viewer, it’s sort of like being a redneck who likes Jeff Foxworthy. And the man has a gift for deadpan delivery.
McLendon’s matrix begins with his “hot” and “crazy” axis, with hot measured on the usual scale of one to 10 and crazy starting at four, “because of course there’s no such thing as a woman who is not at least a four crazy.” The “hot-crazy line” is drawn diagonally, dividing the grid into various quadrants of desirability, which he unpacks for viewers with the cold, hard logic of a pragmatist. McLendon advises that any woman below a five in hotness be automatically relegated to the “No Go Zone” because “life is better this way.”
“As a rule,” he says, “we do not date or marry women who are not at least, in our mind, a 5.”
he No Go Zone abuts the “Fun Zone,” which is reserved for women who fall below the crazy line and between five and eight on the hot scale. “You can hang out here and meet these girls and spend time with them,” McLendon says. “But keep in mind…you want to move out of the Fun Zone to a more permanent location.”
Above the Fun Zone is the “Danger Zone,” which is where you find your classic stage-four clingers. “This includes your redheads, your strippers, anyone named Tiffany and hair dressers,” he says. “This is where your car gets keyed, you get a bunny in the pot, you’re tires get slashed and you end up in jail.”
If You Have any Doubts check the links below:
when should you start dating after your spouse dies
Whenever you feel ready to.
I think that this is something that each person has to decide for themselves. Once you feel that you are ready to, then go ahead. Life is short, and none of us know how much time we have left. Some people might feel that "an acceptable amount of time" must pass first, in order to not seem disrespectful of the deceased.
Long gone are the set periods of time for mourning a spouse.
Each person experiences grief in their own way and the length of the mourning period varies for different people, cultures, and religions.
Before resuming dating, you must first heal from the pain of the death of your spouse. This recovery doesn’t occur overnight. Before dating again, take the time and patience to sufficiently recover from the trauma that you have experienced and to get to know yourself as a single person. Don’t let other people’s urgings that it’s time to get back out there again sway you. Trust yourself that you’ll know when the time is right.
How online dating is killing commitment: Millions of women think love is just a click away. But easy-come, easy-go internet romance can ruin your chance of a lasting relationship
Published: 22:03 GMT, 10 April 2013 | Updated: 22:03 GMT, 10 April 2013
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Jo Elliott has a successful job in advertising, her own home and a vibrant social life. She’s even published a book. But what the 42-year-old hasn’t got is a husband and children.
It’s not for want of trying. Twelve years ago, with her friends paired off and frightened of missing the boat, she started internet dating.
Over the past decade, she’s tried ten websites, had dates with 40 men and chatted — online or over the phone — to countless other potential suitors. But after one serious heartbreak and hundreds of pounds spent on subscription fees, love still eludes her.
Broken heart: Jo discovered her Mr Right, who she met through the internet, was married and wanted a fling
‘In many ways, internet dating is a great way to meet people, but it’s such a whirlwind of highs and lows,’ she says. ‘I’ve met some lovely men, but I’ve also met many who lied about themselves and their intentions.’
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Her experiences are mirrored by many women, who find that internet dating is great if you want a casual fling, but not for anything longer lasting because there are so many dishonest men seeking cheap thrills.
Others admit that the sheer choice available online has made them too picky when it comes to finding a partner.
Today, nine million Britons will log on to look for love. But is this a trend that could change the very nature of romance and turn long-term commitment into a thing of the past? Is the internet destroying monogamy?
'Internet dating left men and women on a never-ending hunt for the perfect partner, thinking: "A few more dates and I’ll find The One"'
There is striking evidence to suggest that the web is causing social change. Traditionally, women might have had one or two boyfriends before getting married; now, they are encouraged to date lots of people in a quest to find a perfect partner.
With an unlimited number of other people on offer via the internet, there’s little incentive to work it out if things get tough. And with the cloak of anonymity the net provides, it’s never been easier to be unfaithful.
Dan Winchester, founder of dating site FreeDating, predicts that the future will see lots of relationships, but more divorce.
‘I often wonder whether matching you up with great people is getting so efficient and the process so thrilling that marriage will become obsolete,’ he says.
It’s a view shared by Greg Blatt, global head of Match. com, Britain’s biggest dating site.
‘Historically, commitment has been the goal,’ he says. ‘You could say online dating is simply changing people’s ideas about whether commitment is desirable.’
With online dating being big business, it’s easy to see why the websites, many of which charge joining fees or monthly subscriptions, have a vested interest in not wanting people to settle down.
But the transient nature of internet dating is of huge concern to relationship experts. Agony aunt and counsellor Dr Pam Spurr says there has been a change in people’s attitudes towards finding love.
She cautions that, despite its popularity, there’s a dark side to logging on to find love.
‘The internet has opened up this sense of “Where do I stop?”?’ she says. ‘In previous generations, people met a partner and accepted they wouldn’t be perfect in every aspect, but internet dating is like a chocolate box that never stops giving.
Dishonest profiles: Jo found it difficult to trust everything the men she met online told her
‘It’s left men and women on a never-ending hunt for the perfect partner, thinking: “A few more dates and I’ll find The One.” In my work, I’ve met plenty of women who think there’s always a better guy out there.
‘The danger is that it results in a string of meaningless flings. Apart from the risk of sexually transmitted disease, ultimately a never-ending quest for grass that’s greener means that women (and men) don’t face the realities of relationships.
‘When you’re searching for perfection you’ll always be disappointed. You risk relationships becoming shallow and unfulfilling, leaving you feeling empty and hollow.’
'There are men who say they're looking for a serious relationship, but when you chat online it becomes clear they don't or they've already got a partner'
Before she started online dating, Jo Elliott had two ‘semi-serious’ relationships. After travelling during her 20s, she decided she was ready to settle down. While she had plenty of male friends, nothing developed romantically, so she signed up to a dating site.
While insisting she is not after a fling, she agrees that internet dating is a numbers game that encourages you to get together with as many people as possible.
‘If you want to meet someone, you just have to keep going at it to find the man with whom you’re compatible,’ she says.
Jo, whose book I’m Celibate.?Get Me Out Of Here! charts her often hilarious online exploits, says it can be difficult to trust what men tell you — whether it’s a white lie about their appearance or more serious fabrications.
One man she was emailing claimed he was from Florida, but was shortly coming to Britain to visit his mother. As the pair had struck up a rapport, Jo excitedly suggested they meet.
It was only when a friend pointed out that his so-called profile photos were all of a semi-famous Australian tennis player that she realised he was a sham.
Lots of first dates: But still Samantha hasn't met The One
While Jo can look back and laugh about that experience, another encounter left her heartbroken.
Studies suggest a quarter of those surfing dating sites — in particular men — are in a relationship and are looking to be unfaithful. It’s something Jo learned the hard way.
She met Tom after she’d been internet dating for a few months. They agreed to meet and Jo says there was an intense connection that seemed to be reciprocated.
‘We ended up falling for each other, or so I thought,’ she says. ‘He told me I was perfect for him and I thought he was perfect for me. He was tall, had a good job and was into the same things as me.
‘But then, after just a few weeks, he disappeared. He wouldn’t answer my calls or return my emails. I’d fallen for him in a massive way and couldn’t believe it hadn’t worked out.
'It's exciting when you get an email in the morning that says you’ve had 20 views. It's an ego boost. Unfortunately, you then look at who's shown interest and your heart sinks'
‘But then he kept getting in contact over the years, claiming he hadn’t been in touch because of work commitments abroad.
‘First, I would meet up with him, though towards the end we just chatted online. But it only ended when I got an email from his wife.
‘While I’ll never know for sure, I think he’d split up from her when he first went on the internet. But they got back together, probably when he first disappeared, and later he wanted a bit on the side.
‘When you’ve invested time and emotion into someone, this kind of experience is very upsetting.’
It’s a sentiment echoed by author Samantha Priestley, 41, from Sheffield.
She began internet dating two years ago, six months after she and her husband of 16 years divorced.
She agrees that men have different motivations to women when dating online. Not surprising when you learn there are seven women for every man on dating websites.
‘Unfortunately, the majority of the men I’ve come across are just after flings,’ she says.
‘Some are upfront, but many are not honest. There are men who say they’re looking for a serious relationship, but when you chat online it becomes clear they don’t or they’ve already got a partner. They’ll write anything women want to hear on their profile.’ She admits she found internet dating addictive.
Success story: Dominic and Maria met through the website eHarmony
‘A friend married someone she met online and said it was brilliant fun and I should try it,’ she says.
‘It seemed perfect for me because I’m in my early 40s and don’t want to meet men in bars.
‘You get into the habit of logging on and seeing who’s viewed you or made contact.
‘It’s exciting when you get an email in the morning that says you’ve had 20 views. It’s an ego boost. Unfortunately, you then look at who’s shown interest and your heart sinks. But it still encourages you to think that if you keep going, there’s got to be someone better next time.’
Samantha has had first dates with six men, but none of these meetings led to a second encounter. She admits she’s partly to blame for allowing internet dating to make her a lot pickier.
‘The websites ask for your preferences on height, weight, hair colour and even eye colour. In the real world, a person is a package and you might not notice their eye colour, but online you cross off people for the most base physical reasons. You become judgmental.’
'Internet dating got me out of my comfort zone when it came to men and it's paid off in the most wonderful way'
She’s clearly not alone in her outlook. Psychologists from the University of Rochester in the U. S. warned last year that dating websites were making people more fussy.
Professor Harry Reis, who led the research into the efficacy of internet dating, said that skimming over the profiles and pictures of hundreds of potential mates encouraged a ‘shopping’ mentality. Another issue is that singletons who spend weeks or even months emailing a potential mate before meeting them often have unrealistic expectations.
‘I won’t chat with users of text speak or go out with coffee drinkers as I hate the drink,’ says Samantha.
‘I always look at the room the men are photographed in to check out the decor. Because you have such limited information, you have to look for as many clues as you can.
‘If you meet someone in the conventional way, you often know a little about them first through friends, work or whatever. Online, you are shopping among strangers.’
While Samantha and Jo have had negative experiences, there are those who say looking for love online has transformed their lives.
Wedding bells: Dominic and Maria are now married and said they would never have crossed paths if they haven't met online
HR consultant Maria Carey, 46, started internet dating three-and-a-half years ago, ten years after she and her first husband divorced.
Within six weeks of signing up to eHarmony, she’d met her future husband Dominic, a civil servant, and says if it hadn’t been for online dating they wouldn’t have found each other.
‘For a start, he lived in Kent, while I was in Hampshire, so our paths would never have crossed,’ says the mother of two.
‘Also, he’s unlike any man I’d gone for before. He’s good looking, but in the past I’d always been attracted to macho men, while Dominic’s a real gentleman, a metrosexual who spends at least as much time as I do in the bathroom.’
When she signed up to eHarmony, Maria had to fill out an extensive questionnaire, covering everything from hobbies to her beliefs and values. She was then matched with compatible men.
She was surprised when Dominic was selected as one of her matches, but was determined to be open-minded and so got in contact.
‘We decided to chat over the phone and that first conversation lasted three hours,’ she says. ‘It felt as if we knew each other.’
The couple married last May in the Lake District.
‘Internet dating got me out of my comfort zone when it came to men and it’s paid off in the most wonderful way. Dominic is amazing and I feel very lucky,’ she says.
However, Samantha says because of her bad experiences she is giving online dating a rest for a while.
And as for Jo? Six months ago, having had a break from internet dating, she decided to give it one last go and met a new man. So far, things have been going well.
Only time will tell if she’s finally met The One — or if the search for love will continue.
I'm Celibate. Get Me Out Of Here! by Jo Elliott, ?1.99, is available to download from Amazon.
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