This Ugly Yet Beautiful World
This Ugly Yet Beautiful World ( ??????????. Kono Minikuku mo Utsukushii Sekai ? ) is an anime television series created by Shouji Saeki and Hiroyuki Yamaga. It was co-produced by the Gainax and Shaft animation studios.
Contents
Plot [ edit ]
Takeru and Ryou are high school students who work doing deliveries for the former's uncle. One night, the two go to investigate a mysterious light in the woods only to find a young girl emerging from the light. Takeru and Ryou are attacked by an alien, which is defeated when Takeru transforms into a powerful and strange-looking beast himself. The girl, whom the boys name "Hikari" (light), is taken in by Takeru when she confesses to having no memory of who she is.
They are later joined by Jennifer Portman, an American scientist with an interest in the boys and Hikari; Ioneos, a shape-shifting robot loyal to Hikari; Kuon, a little floating alien; and Akari, Hikari's "sister", who also appeared just as Hikari did. The series follows the daily lives of its characters as they learn about the human condition, Hikari and Akari's alien origins, and face the incoming monsters and catastrophes.
Characters [ edit ]
Main characters [ edit ]
Takeru Takemoto
Takeru Takemoto is the series' main character. He comes off as a lazy and unmotivated teenager, but is really just unsure of his place in the world. He found and named Hikari in the woods in the first episode. After finding Hikari, Takeru gains inexplicable new powers which allow him to transform into a powerful, yet primal being with incredible lethality, but has also been shown to be able to transform into something between his human and monster forms. This power is later explained to be a result of Extended Definition. Takeru eventually develops a love interest in Hikari, ultimately convincing Hikari to spare the world for their love. It is shown that he has some feelings for Mari, but only as a relative. He is obsessed with motorcycles and wanted to take Hikari on a journey throughout the country on one. Hikari
A mysterious girl who 'fell from the sky', Hikari fell in love with Takeru at first sight after being found in the first episode. She is very cheerful and thinks that almost everything is beautiful. While she can not remember anything before the day Takeru found her, it is later discovered her purpose is to destroy Earth. She is the goddess of darkness, death, and destruction. Hikari has split personalities, and her appearance changes depending on which one is dominant; her "good" personality is characterized by orange hair and green eyes, and her "evil" personality is characterized by pink hair and red eyes. By the series' end, she decides to destroy the earth, but Takeru stops her with his love for her. In the end of the anime, Hikari instead lives with Akari in the stars, though claims to return someday. Her name means "Light." Ryou Ninomiya
Ryou Ninomiya is Takeru's best friend and is favored by many of the girls at school because of his gentle nature. He is consistently called "Ryou-sama" by Sakurako and Amika. He is the one who found Akari and throughout the series develops feelings for her. He too develops special powers, his being the ability to grant his wishes, shown by blue spirals on his hands. Akari
Akari is a girl that appears just as mysteriously as Hikari. Ryou finds her in the forest and makes her part of his family. She considers Hikari her older sister, and she grows very attached to Ryou and Kimi. Akari later reveals that she and Hikari are actually one being and that they were split into two during their landing. The part of Hikari's personality that doesn't want the earth destroyed is manifested in Akari. In the end of the anime, she and Hikari wander the stars with only each other. Her name means "Bright."
Supporting characters [ edit ]
Mari Nishino
Mari Nishino is Takeru's cousin, While she nags Takeru for various reasons, Mari harbors jealousy of Takeru and Hikari's relationship. Although she denies her feelings for him early in the series, Mari falls in love with Takeru. Throughout the series she is aggravated by the closeness of Hikari and Takeru, and distrusts Hikari, although is nice to her through the beginning of the series. Her jealousy of their relationship grows as her love for Takeru grows largely unrequited. Near the climax of the series, Mari admits her love to Takeru, attempting to make him not follow Hikari, but Takeru only smiles, thanks her, and goes to persuade Hikari to spare the world. Jennifer Portman
Voiced by: Yumi Takada (Japanese), Shelley Calene-Black (English)
Jennifer Portman is a crazy American super-scientist who came to Japan to study the "Extended Definition", a species' ability to prevent its own extinction, which usually manifests itself in said species transforming into a monstrous form that maximizes its combat potential, and gives it the instinct to attack or kill Hikari. She moves in with Takeru, Hikari, and Mari. She's rarely to be seen without some kind of alcohol and is somewhat of an exhibitionist. Although out of work she appears ditzy and idiotic, she is extremely intelligent at her work. Her personality is seen as a blend between that of Misato Katsuragi and Ritsuko Akagi from Neon Genesis Evangelion (another Gainax series). Shinichi Asakura and Daijirou Matsumura
Shinichi Voiced by: Atsushi Kisaichi (Japanese), Robert Martinez (English)
Shinichi Asakura and Daijirou Matsumura are schoolmates of Takeru who seem to always be dreaming up some kind of perverted fantasy, especially once they met Hikari. Sakurako Urushima and Amika Kurebayashi
Sakurako Voiced by: Manabi Mizuno (Japanese), Lesley Tesh (English)
Amika Voiced by: Yumi Kikuchi (Japanese), Taylor Hannah (English)
Sakurako and Amika enjoy egging on the love triangle between Takeru, Mari and Hikari. Itcho and Sumie Nishino
Itcho Voiced by: Dai Matsumoto (Japanese), Bob Parke (English)
Sumie Voiced by: Tomoko Kotani (Japanese), Anne Armogida (English)
Itcho and Sumie Nishino are Mari's parents. They took in Takeru when his mother abandoned him at a young age. Currently, they run two business ventures: a delivery business and a boarding service. Kimi Ninomiya
Voiced by: Emi Kobayashi (Japanese), Hilary Haag (English)
Kimi is Ryou's loud-mouthed younger sister who takes care of the housework when her brother is out. She was the only person living with Ryou until Akari came. She seems to be very protective of Ryou and, while she allowed Akari into their home, attempted to put a barrier between them and frequently got mad whenever they came into close contact. Kuon
Voiced by: not available (Japanese), Greg Ayres (English)
Kuon is the little creature that takes care of Akari. He looks like a specter with two luminous eyes but no defined body shape, except by his clothing. He is capable of levitation and apparently has some sharp tentacles, as he is seen carrying a watermelon with them which he later uses to remove the rind from the watermelon. Towards the end of the series, Kuon and Ioneos enter hibernation mode and become a crystal. Kuon becomes a chip of the crystal which is probably why Kuon was small and Ioneos was big. Ioneos
Voiced by: Keiichi Noda (Japanese), Paul Oddo (English)
Ioneos is like Kuon's "older brother," as he and Kuon are created from the same type of magical crystal. However, Ioneos's appearance and size are much larger and sleeker than Kuon's because he is an entire crystal, save a small chipped fragment which Kuon is made from. He was sealed inside of one of the school's stone pillars until Hikari accidentally released him during a routine fire drill. The entire school was subsequently demolished after the blast following Ioneos's release. Jennifer nicknamed him "Oniita," (or "Neo" in the English dub) saying that his original name was too long. In the end, Ioneos enters hibernation mode along with Kuon and become crystals, Kuon being the little chip and Ioneos being the big crystal. Jennifer puts them on a necklace and wears the crystals. Mayu Yoshida
Voiced by: Mai Kadowaki (Japanese), Monica Rial (English)
Mayu is the class representative. She is short and full of self-doubt. In one episode, Mayu admits to Hikari that she sometimes hates school because everyone teases her, which makes Hikari turn into her "evil" self and destroy the school (brought on by Mayu's hate for school) although Mayu does not seem to remember it.
Design [ edit ]
Themes [ edit ]
This Ugly Yet Beautiful World explores the nature of interpersonal and intimate relationships in the face of the impending obliteration of life on Earth. [ citation needed ]
Helpline
Prefer to text? Text "loveis" to 22522
Peer advocates are available to talk, text, or chat online 24/7.
What is Dating Violence?
Violence committed by a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the victim is dating violence. The existence of such a relationship shall be determined based on a consideration of the following factors:
the length of the relationship
the type of relationship
the frequency of interaction between the persons involved in the relationship
Dating Indonesian Girls
Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There's plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer'e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own "Meet " section has many a lady eager for company.
4,876 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
Michael says:
I dated with one Indonesian girl. We broked up after a few years. Within a few months, she married to another guy. Whenever we meet after that, she said she still in love with me.
chacha says:
You go guys, we are very devoted lady not to mention we are very beautiful inside and out and we are very hot girl.
Tini says:
The majority of Indonesian women is really nice and honest, they like to be nice with any one but if they know some will try to cheat and lie to them they will fight back and is not easy to forgive that person, don’t get wrong about Indonesian girls they are people who believe in the family with a lot of respect.
There is have different between Indonesian culture and western culture, Indonesian women they are very positive in the relationship but western men they just like to use them only for sex and keeping thet women without marrying them, western man in Indonesia they like to use innocent girls, going to party, use drugs, that’s not nice too, a lot western people talking bad about Indonesian women but they don’t look at themself if they are good person.
Parvita says:
Interesting topic…I’ve gone out both with Indonesian and expat men (western and eastern) and my lesson to learn is: expats are just for fun and not to be taken seriously.
Most of them that comes over here, especially the westerners, are those who cannot “compete” in their country. And when they come over here, they make better living because our country pays expats waaaaaay better than nationals. Then they became like kings, thinking that they are superiors, and some girls fall into them. For instance, would you think a very successful and smart lawyer, or businessmen in England would move to a country like Indonesia? And the houses they live in Kemang, when they go back to their countries, say, Italy, they will just live in a one bedroom apartment (or a studio) with no driver and a really small car, commuting to the city? The place I live and the car I drive currently is much much better than what they have.
I deal with lots of western expats, some of them are my friends. They told me that when they are here, they are handsome. In their countries, they are invisible. There you go, a confession from an Australian.
Some expats are even so obnoxious, having to live in the states for long, I know they are the loser kind but when they are here, they are surrounded by women and think that they are God’s gift to women.
When a smart, rich, independant Indonesian women dates an expat here, that expat must be a really damn good one!
Tini says:
I totally agree with Parvita saying but about the salary. I think they get same money like what they get in they own country but the difference is if they work in overseas (like asia) they get benefit from the company where they work, the benefit is like house, food, transfortation, some companies give the car or money for them to spend on transportation (all this benefit is standard benefit), some company, they pay for school for ther children if they have family which is they didn’t get all this benefit when they work in they country, they have to pay everything with their own money.
And about dating Indonesian girls I don’t really blame westerners 100% because the Indonesian girl as well, a lot of them they approach themselves to westerners because they think by marrying with white people they will have a better llife, but the worst thing about some western people is they take adventage of it so they just play with them without marriage of course. And if they feel it’s enough they just finish the relationship and who gets hurt – the girl because they weren’t careful in who they dating with. Actually talking about Indonesian girls, some of them don’t have hate, they know that man is married and have children but they still try to get him. How silly is it? Any way not all western people are like that, some of them are serious with their partner.
That’s why girls have to have boundaries, if not we are the ones who lose and are hurt, we have to know what we have to do and don’t make them special, just treat them as normal people like what you treat other Indonesian man or women. I can say this because I live in many countries before and now I am in Thailand and Thai people have their boundaries, not the local people chasing white people but the western people are the ones who want them and Thai people have the right to say to western people, so between local people and western people local people is the strong one.
Michael, the girl you dated with, she say that she still loves you, how about you? Do you still love her, what happen if she break up with her husband if she try to get together again with you, what you going to do, are you going to accept her again? Sorry to ask you that because I would like to know what western thinking about relationship like what your’e having because my husband is a westerner but many times we have arguments and some time I think I want to leave him but I am not the kind of selfish women who just thinks of myself, I got children 5 year old and she need her mummy and daddy. Many time I refuse that kind thinking but how about my feeling, I am hurt and lonely because my husband likes to go night clubs and I am at home with the kid. Do you think it’s fair for me? The reason why he did that because he work hard, how about me, I am working hard too, I am working to make money. Some time I bring money home more than what he bring and I have to look after house and children and cook food and I always want my family always together and happy. I would like to know what is your thinking about this matter, any one you can give comment, thank you.
Idris Mansor says:
Hi, I’m looking forward to meet Rich Indonesian Ladies.
Harry says:
Dating and even finding girls that are interested is extremely difficult for me. I’m a white guy and I came to Indonesia in 1995. I speak fluent Indonesian and am not tall. The lack of height is the main reason for their uninterest, but also the fact that I speak Indonesian makes them suspicious. This bule speaks Indonesian so he must have been long time in Indonesia and therefore must have had many gals, are thoughts.
Pretty frustrating because I know it is not like that at all. Obviously the fact that I’m not as young as I was in 1995 also makes it harder.
I now just work here and enjoy the cheap food and friendly and laidback atmosphere and nice views (not in jkt). I don’t even look for an Indonesian girlfriend anymore.
Tini says:
Oh poor Harry, some day your hope will happen, just be patient now maybe not the right time yet, I am sure there is many indo girl out there who wanted to marry white man but they don’t show up yet, maybe because they are shy as well to talk about relationship, so best think when you meet some one your type and you really like her to be your girlfriend or wife you have to slowly get her hate until she like you than that the best time for you to ask about relationship.
I only can give you tip, good luck finding your future girlfriend to be your wife.
Harry says:
No I think it would not happen. Did you know that Indonesian girls are the choosiest girls in Asia? There are reasons for that. Most multinationals that send out their expats to Indonesia have a minimum height requirement for those expats and most expats are single. Mimimum height for an expat is about 182 cm or 6 ft. There are about 175.000 expats in Jakarta alone so you can figure that Indonesian girls are used to seeing tall bule. Most of these expats are also good looking and young so that is another characteristic that is linked to the bule. This means that Indonesian girls are used to seeing tall and handsome bule and they think all bule look like that. If they see a short but who is not too handsome the shock will be great and that guy will be avoided by every and all Indonesian girls.
Tini says:
Oh Harry please I am really sad to hear that, I think you are a nice man and I hope that some girl/lady will see you in a different way, not just see on the physical side like what you say. By the way where you from Harry? Just for you to know I am an Indonesian girl as well and I am married to an Italian man, he is not tall and he is 38 years old now, and we have been married for 6 years and we have beautiful and smart daughter and we are happy. You see I didn’t look at my husband in physical way but I look at him that he is a good man who is responsible for the family. Yes sometimes he is going out with friends for drinks but I think it’s ok, maybe he just wants to have boy talk. So Harry I think not all women look at the man in a physical way, they will look at something nice/interesting from inside that man. Please have positive thinking!
Nenrot Gana says:
I really think Indonesian girls are kool cos I have an Indonesian girl friend who is communicating sense to me and by that I feel she most be a great girl which represent a great woman of Indonesia.
Because of how she is relating to me though we’ve never seen before but only share pictures is motivating me to come there to meet her which I promise myself to do so.
I am an up-coming music artist from Jos, Nigeria presently planning just to come and see that great queen in Indonesia so I think nobody should say that Indonesian girls are cheap, they are not. They are beautifull ladise with full of promises and I believe in that, just because of how my friend have been communicating to me she is really an Ambassador representing her country.
In every country you go you most see some ladies coming around so if the Indonesian girls come around shouldnt be taking for granted cos is a general thing that is happening all over the world rather you hold them especially the one that brings you there cos she is a blessing to you.
Indonesian girls are great angels, they are the blessings that flows from above so men over there should appreaciate them and me that am planning to come even before reaching there am appreciating my queen over there.
I LOVE THE INDONESIAN WOMAN, SHE IS A BLESSING TO ME.
+2348035951231
NENROT GANA
Polar Bear says:
Indonesian girls have many pitfalls. They seem to assume all Bules are stupid, and think they can openly tell outright lies, and then are offended when they are caught out. They parade Bules like trophies, and most are more interested in PR/Green Card and bank accounts than in the guy himself.
Remember Parvita, that small apartment in Italy comes with hospitals, ambulances, fire engines, and a reasonably honest and efficient police. The roads are not massive potholed junkyards. The air is fresh and clean. The cities don’t flood evert time it rains.
If Westerners stopped paying taxes (as do most Indonesians) they could afford big houses – but all of the above amenities would be gone.
Tini says:
Dear Polar Bear, I am agree with some thing you say, not all. And if you go to another Country the most of the girl they like that too, so is not just Indonesian girl, by the way your name is very familair to me can I guess? I think you are Italian Mix Australian. Please dont get mad if I am wrong.
And I think you get wrong think about indo girl we never think that bules are stupid special me I never think like that, I think bule are smart they like to explore and try something different that’s way they have lot experiment. But the most make me dissapointed is some bule like to take advantage with asian women and hurt them. I really do not know what is the reason.
Polar Bear says:
Tini, I am actually English Australian….
A lot of Indo girls (and indeed Asian girls) do treat Bules as if they are stupid. In fact many Bules ARE stupid, but not all.
The Bules dont care if the girls lie to them, becuase they generally are getting what they want – cheep or free sex. So long as the girl provides that, the guy doesnt care if the girl says she is 20, single with no kids, when in fact she is 35, married with 5 kids and has a different BF each day of the week. The Bule knows she is lying, but he isnt going to argue, because if he does the sex ends.
The girl therfore thinks that Bules believe any old rubbish.
You are correct. Many Bules take advantage of local girls, and hurt them. Local girls take advantage of Bules. The girls always seen to have money problems, cellfones that get lost and need replacing, sick mothers who need money, rent that needs paying.
Harry says:
Well indo girls are not really easy to get. They are really choosy, believe me they only and without exception only go for the tall and/or handsome bule. Most only go for young and tall and handsome bule. Luckily there is no shortage of these bule in Jkt or even other parts of Indonesia. Also the internet has made it goddamn easy for the indo girls to only choose the goodlooking bule.
If an older and average looking/ugly and short bule walks around in no matter which location (mall/cinema/carrefour etc etc) he will not be looked at, not get flirted with not receive smiles and certainly not find any girl who is attracted to him. The only way for him to (maybe) get a girl is in a ayam bar where also only the ugly and older girls will accept his money.
Parvita says:
Yeah, well, good luck with hunting good quality bule’s and good educated Indonesian chicks, everyone. And yes, Harry, being short is a minus, not only for Indonesians but for most women, sorry to say. You just have to dig into yourself and improve the other quality of yourself. There are tons of short guys but smart and fun to be around with. If you only concentrate on your physical appearance, guarantee you’ll end up having to pay for company. And there are a lot here, so don’t worry!
Harry says:
I have a great job in Jakarta. I love my job and together with my job package comes a house, a leased car and other benefits. And I’m not even an expat in true sense because I was locally hired. My salary is paid in euros (I could choose between USD RP or EUR) and I make about EUR 5400 before tax per month. End-year bonus is 8% of my yearly salary and I also get an annual holiday payment of 8%.
I try to be a hardworking and honest guy, who likes to do the best for other people. I’m always polite and friendly and I give and help whenever I can. I would never take advantage of a girl. If I would sleep with somebody it would be only if I was sure I could really love her, I would never intentionally hurt a girl.
And guess what. I cannot get an Indonesian girlfriend even if my life depended on it. I could live for 500 years in Indonesia and go to every public place every day to search for a girl or even through dating sites on internet, etc. I would NEVER manage to make an Indonesian girl interested in me.
Indonesian girls are always complaining about the bule being playboys and breaking their hearts. Well…………….it is exactly what you deserve so I don’t feel the tiniest bit of pity for you girls. Not because I don’t care but because you are the ones to blame for that. You are the ones who only go for the looks and never look beyond the package. You only take what is good looking and nice from the outside but you don’t care about the inside. No wonder you always end up with the playboys, the guys that f*ck different Indonesian chicks every day. Believe me these guys will never care for you never fall for you, they just use you for their own fun.
I know many Indonesian girls don’t care about it and know it, they are forgiven, many indo girls just want sex with as many good looking bule as possible so I cannot blame them for only taking the best ones.
—–
“¦”¦. Parvita stated it very well”¦Most Indonesian girls are just not interested in short westerners. Only the really fat and ugly and desperate (always fat and ugly) Indonesian girls are interested, and they just happen not to be my type. Ha..If Indonesian girls can be choosy why can I not be?
You can easily get gorgeous and sexy indo girls and that makes you think all western guys can get them. Just because your experience is that all the indo girls you have met have (without one exception) fallen for you makes you think all expats must have similar experiences, or that all bule are attractive for ind ogirls.
“¦..Indonesian girls are just as choosy as all other girls in the world, no matter if they are ayam or middle class girls or high class or daughter of the president or whatever. Did you ever wonder why there are so few short and ugly white guy in Jakarta (especially in Jakarta all the white guys seem to be tall and handsome). They are not a representative lot for the average bule because even in Holland there are many short white guys.
These white guys never seem to make it to Indonesian, maybe as tourists but not as expats in Jakarta. Most short expats would not last a year because it really kills you to see all the gals going with your expat friends meanwhile treating you as if you are invisible.
I’m strong and have a great job so for me there are reasons to stay in Indonesia even I will not get laid, no matter what I do or how hard I try. I wouldn’t even take a guy if i got offered a million dollars. For the love of God I cannot understand why there are guys who go with other guys, I would vomit even thinking about it. Even the sexiest trannies hold no appeal for me whatsoever, even once i made the mistake to kiss one in Tanamour (many years ago) because I was drunk and didn’t realize I was kissing a bencong. He could have taken advantage of the situation but was kind and honest enough to tell me he was not a she.
Boeboe says:
Alrighty. First of all, NOT all indo girls go for looks, wallet size, and other skin deep thing-y. My husband is not “tall” by westerner standard, but he got a Big heart, and has a sweet smile. Well, he is rather handsome, and never had a problem dating models, actresses or any “Good indo girls” before because of his height. It’s just a proof, what’s inside that really counts.
I dated tall handsome “bules” before. “Before” here means waaaay before the “Bule FEVER” that just getting out right CRAZY. It was when women look at us walking by, and gave me a “dirty” look; look down upon me, as “ngga laku sama laki2 indo” comments and stuff. It was never really bothering me, as I could care less of what those idiotes said or think. Now look whose get “desperate to get white guys “attention” with dress like tramps and tarts, and pose in a “gross” picture to at least get to “sleep” with “bules”.
I’m not a model or anything fancy, came from educated family, where education and Manner is what’s important, as it’s an investment you will never run out of. And when I dated white guys, was never a “quickie” type of relationships. So, not even a handful of that in my list.
I think when your attitude towards others in based on how many stupid girls I can “score” with or how many stupid “bule” guys I can parade around with, disappointment is what you’ll get.
In short, am SICK with all the whining from guys who can’t get a date with indo girls, and even SICKER with all the Indo girls’ whines about “bules” are playboy and “commitment F–wits, while both parties busy counting. Ones with the number of how many “bird” they sacked, and the others with the number of how many “trophies” they could put in their curriculum vitae.
Karlira Kanakahuko says:
That bad situation about Indonesian women makes Indonesian men/boys force to have girlfriend(s) and marries any women of non-Indonesian nationalities. More and more Indonesian men/boys who have multi-national girlfriends and wives. More and more children whose biological fathers are the pure Malay-race Indonesians and their biological mothers are of several non-Indonesian nationalities, like Miss Hutagalung, were her dad is Balinese Indonesian, while her mom is Aussie.
Daniel says:
Well, I have an Indonesian GF. we’re living together for more than 10 months now.
We had really good moments but now we spend most of our time fighting for stupid reasons. I’m not saying she’s the only one to blame, and I still love her that’s for sure. But sometimes, the cultural gap is just too wide I guess.
See, I was raised in France, where most of women claim for their independance, want to have a career, say they’re equal to men… and my GF has really another conception of woman’s status. For her, woman is like some kind of treasure that man has to protect, supply, respect…
I’m not saying I don’t agree with part of this vision (at least for protect and respect) but why should I be financially responsible for her? we’re not even married.
She reproach me my lack of attention, she says I don’t “apreciate” her enought, but helloooo! who said that only the guy should show attention?
I brought her to France on vacation lately, and I paid for everything, buying gifts, clothes, being careful of always hold her hand… but since we’re back to jkta she always reproach me the same things as before. She’s always asking for more and giving me less and less.
Her parents are rich Indonesians so she has money, her mother never really had to work, she never worked either. Each time I try to convince her that she’s been too much spoiled by her parents, and that’s why she’s so capricious, she answers me it’s because I’m really not taking care of her enough, that it is not only Indonesian culture, that it is like this everywhere. the guy has to pay everything for his girl, and has to like it.
So my question is. is it really how a relationship has to be in Indonesian culture? or is it, as I think, that she’s a cute but lazzy spoiled girl doing whim?
Any opinion?
Harry says:
be lucky you can get such a beautiful rich girl. I could not even get a way past the shelf date old and ugly ayam! The reason she is rich and could always get what she wants makes her think her bf/husband should do the same. But if you tell her to fcuk off she will change 180 degrees. Then she will probably take care of you for the rest of your life also financially.
Just change the way you treat her and she will be your provider.
Minority says:
Interesting debate…always wanted to visit Indonesia, you guys sound hilarious over there.
Daniel says:
Hey Harry, who said I wanted her to provide me? No way! I like my job, and I don’t wanna be some kind of European gigolo…
Actually, I was more asking advices from Indonesian girls…
And one last thing, you’re the first to put physical criteria about girls, so don’t be surprised if they do the same for you.
Minority. I’m glad my relationship issues make you laugh… you should come over here and try some fun…
joe says:
I’m looking for a nice girl.
meher says:
Hello people,
I just search google and find out this site and go through it. You know why, I am in love with a Indonesian girl and after 11 months of relationship I simply understand her. We have too many nice memories and still I look for some site which can tell me about Indonesian girls so that I can make my girl happy or I can convince her to get married with me. She says she is Muslim and she lives with a Hindu Indian boy. I am also Muslim. After a few months of dating I simply fall in love with her, maybe because the way she talks, or maybe the way she thinks about me. Time passes and I found she was actualy looking for a secured life (still I think so) so I tried to give her a secured life, but still now she loves to make love and have a nice time with me. She doesn’t want money, the Hindu Indian (she is living with) told her straight that he cannot marry her. Sometimes if she goes out her normal life (like went to movie and came back 12am at night) the man bits her mercilessly, and she becomes good girl one more time. She doesn’t want money, she doesn’t want to stay with me, and she doesn’t believe that I want to marry her. Isn’t it pretty confusing?
This question goes to Parvita. I never told you about me cause I think if I give you an idea about me maybe your way of thinking will be manipulated. In the next comment I will give you an idea about me.
Tini says:
Dear Daniel
I really understand how is your feeling, becouse I been through to that situation before, me and my husband we been marriage for 6 years but we know each other for almost 8 years, yes at beggining always nice because love everything is ok even your partner doing something you don’t like, until certain time you feel that very annoying and that where you will start to fight, but we do have solution, and the solution is I ask my husband to write down on the paper something he like about me and something he don’t like about me, same as me I have to write down what I like and what I don’t like about him and when we ready we talk about it together and come out with agreement and commitment to each other and finally this is really work for us. Maybe you can try my tip probably work for you too. good luck!
Polar Bear
I never hear from you any more after you make me PO but I am ok now.
Karlira
me I correct your name “hutagalung” is not balinese but Batak (sumatra) so her dad is not balinese but batak.
Avi says:
Hello,
I am an expat living in Jakarta and somehow found this site on a search for sate ayam recipes. I guess it was the word ayam that brought me here but I was curious nevertheless and read a little bit.
Now find that I must respond to Parvita:
Expats, my dear, are not people who can’t make it in their own country and end up in Indonesia. Rather, they are people willing to take on challenges; whether a fresh graduate looking for overseas experience and so jumps on a plane from the UK to teach English and learn to surf at the same time, or an engineer whose expertise in deep sea geology makes him a prime candidate for any one of the plethora of oil exploration companies here. Expats are individuals looking for adventure and learning, and if Indonesian women find what many would consider to be a pasty zitty whiteboy attractive, then who are you to judge.
Further, we have a large number of expats posted here to run and manage multinational companies as well as expats who have strated their own businesses in Indonesia. These are intelligent men and women who understand markets, trade and value. Some of whom, in lieu of your earlier comment, are successful lawyers from London. So yes dear, there are sharp expats living and working here, asshole lawyers and otherwise. I’m not sure of the gene pool of expats you hang around, but I would say that it is perhaps reflective of yourself - I have come to learn in my short time on this planet that people generally find that they are surrounded by the people who match them intellectually, morally and even in terms of looks. But I suppose that this is all a very seperate issue.
Anyway, the manner in which vice president Kalla has recently been running around looking for foreign investment is perhaps indicative, if he is successful in his search, of increased foreign investment and therefore foreign managers in Indonesia-people who have a more experience than many Indonesians in competing globablly. So you’re going to have to get used to it…else Indonesia can try and pull a xenophobic perrogative – as you suggest in your ramble -
me…I’d be curious to see how Indonesia survives as a country in the face of an anti-globalist sentiment brewed locally. Indonesia is a huge country and their islands keep getting swiped by countries such as Malaysia and Singapore (in the case of Singapore they simply dug up an island in the Riau archipelago and added to their own shores). This is reflective of Indonesia’s weakness in the region – economically and politically.
Indonesia and Indonesians should focus on getting Indonesia competitive on a global scale rather than wasting their time wondering why ugly white guys pick up chicks here. Face facts, Indonesians love bules. They love ‘em and they want to be them, and since they can’t be them, they’d like to make babies with them.
Alas Parvita, your bitterness, poor little rich Indonesian girl that you may be, almost sounds like the bent up pride of someone jilted by a lanky, perhaps even slightly homely (can one use the term homely in reference to a man/boy?) bule.
Get thee to a Jl. Faletehan again lady and go find yourself another, or perhaps…just go looking for love and it may find you, bule or otherwise.
meher says:
privita…..i think there is a relationship between love an sex……and i think I had the experience about it with a Indonesian girl…….and i told you my story……i know my country girls…….and i know how extent they will carry on about a relationship…….so is it possible that you give me a idea about a general indon girl….and her desire…….cause i hope by genetic or by race the way of thinking changes……and after 10 months of experience still I want and i am desperate to get it……
biko says:
The relationship between a bule and woman from Asia is complicated. But so are relationships between every other multi cultural couples.
I’ve been travelling around the world a lot, and a lot of the comments i heard are true. Expat looks for sex, or some for a serious relationship, girls want the better life and and consider expats as atm machines.
The difficulty is how to separate what is real and what is fake.
I am working now in Indonesia for 2 years, have a serious relationship with a sweet and beautiful girl from Java (1year) and i am really thinking of marrying her.
The difficulty i find that everything she does is so sweet, i really feel good with her but…. maannnn she is lazy. She hangs around the tv al the time and showing initiative to do anything hell noooo.
Just hope that it is gonna be ok, i love her but still have lot’s of doubts to commit.
So yes we are unmarried we live together and i know that this is difficult in the Indonesian culture, but comitting to eachother is a big step.
Getting a divorce sometimes seems so easy but to me that is not the way to go
Just wanna make a comment to harry; self pitty is not the way to change your situation, probably it is written all over your face. If you really enjoy your life style that much than it has to show in your appearences. That is it what will work for you!
No offence!
David says:
I like to date ayam for one night only, cost is cheap, only .3 Juta, they are the best.
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Ugly Betty
Ugly Betty is an American comedy-drama television series developed by Silvio Horta. which premiered on ABC on September 28, 2006, and ended on April 14, 2010. [ 1 ] The series revolves around the character Betty Suarez and is based on Fernando Gaitan 's Colombian telenovela soap opera Yo soy Betty, la fea . The series has also aired in Hindi on the popular soap opera ????? ???? ??? ???? . The series was produced by Silent H, Ventanarosa. and Reveille Productions partnered with ABC Studios and executive produced by Salma Hayek. Silvio Horta. Ben Silverman. Jose Tamez. and Joel Fields. The pilot was filmed in New York; seasons one and two were filmed in Los Angeles and seasons three and four in New York City.
Contents
Plot [ edit ]
Betty Suarez is a quirky, 22-year-old Mexican American woman from Queens. New York who is sorely lacking in fashion sense. She is known to be bold, good-hearted, and slightly naive. She is abruptly thrust into a different world when she lands a job at Mode . a trendy, high fashion magazine based in Manhattan that is part of the publishing empire of the wealthy Bradford Meade. Bradford's son Daniel has been installed as Editor-in-Chief of Mode following the death of Fey Sommers (Bradford's longtime mistress). Bradford hires the inexperienced Betty as his womanizing son's newest personal assistant to curb his habit of sleeping with his assistants. As time goes by, Betty and Daniel become friends and help each other navigate their individual professional and personal lives.
Season 1: 2006–2007 [ edit ]
Season one premiered in the United States on September 28, 2006 and aired 23 episodes. Major plotlines during the first season include: Betty and Daniel settling into their respective roles as personal assistant and editor-in-chief at a fashion magazine; Betty's relationships with pre - Mode boyfriend Walter and new love interest Henry; Daniel's numerous sexual conquests and his relationship with fellow editor Sofia Reyes (Salma Hayek ); Wilhelmina's plots with the "Mystery Lady" to undermine Bradford and Daniel's positions at Meade Publications; Christina's temporary switch to Wilhelmina's side in an attempt to boost her career; the truth behind the murder of Fey Sommers and the death of Daniel's older brother Alex; Ignacio's immigration status and health problems; and Hilda's struggle to find a new career and salvage her relationship with Justin's dad, Santos.
Season 2: 2007–2008 [ edit ]
The season's theme was "Brighter, Bolder, Bettyer" with a reworked version of Mika's "Hey Betty (You Are Beautiful) " being used as the featured song in its promos. Nine new recurring characters, played by Freddy Rodriguez. Illeana Douglas. Alec Mapa. David Blue. John Cho. Gabrielle Union. Gene Simmons. and Eddie Cibrian were introduced. Lorraine Toussaint continued in her role as Claire's fellow prison escapee, Yoga, as a recurring character. Production was halted in November 2007 due to the Writers Guild of America strike ; ultimately the season episode order was cut to 18 instead of a proposed 23. New episodes did not air on U. S. television until April 24, 2008, starting with "Twenty Four Candles ", and ending on May 22, 2008, with "Jump ". This was the last episode to be produced in Los Angeles.
Major plotlines this season include the following: the love triangle between Betty, Henry, and a deli shop worker named Giovanni "Gio" Rossi ; Claire's escape from prison, recapture, and trial for the murder of Fey Sommers; the aborted wedding of Wilhelmina Slater and Bradford Meade; Hilda and Justin's reaction to the murder of Santos in the season 1 finale, Daniel and Alexis's power struggle after their father's death; Amanda's search for her biological father; Marc's relationship with fashion photographer Cliff St. Paul ; Hilda's attempt to start her new beautician career and a relationship with Justin's gym teacher; Christina's reunion with her ailing husband; and Wilhelmina's scheme to conceive an heir to the Meade fortune using Bradford's sperm.
Season 3: 2008–2009 [ edit ]
ABC renewed the series for a third season on February 11, 2008. In addition, production was moved to New York City from Los Angeles to make the series more realistic and to take advantage of increased tax incentives in New York. The third season premiered on September 25, 2008. This season added ten new recurring regulars, played by Grant Bowler. Mark Consuelos. Heather Tom. Val Emmich. Ralph Macchio. Sarah Lafleur. Bernadette Peters. Lauren Velez and Daniel Eric Gold. Lindsay Lohan. Julian De La Celle. Derek Riddell and Eddie Cibrian returned from the second season for more appearances. "The Show" by Australian singer Lenka is used as the promo theme for the season.
The seasons begins with Betty moving to an apartment in the city, after rejecting both Henry and Gio. Major plotlines include Daniel and Wilhelmina's respective relationships with Molly and Connor - a former couple; Betty and Marc both competing in the YETI program, a series of classes for aspiring editors; Betty's new relationship with Matt Hartley, a wealthy sports editor also taking part in YETI; Christina's surrogate pregnancy for Wilhelmina, and later belief that the baby is in fact her own; Molly developing terminal cancer and Ignacio's heart problems resulting in Betty having to return home, resulting in Marc and Amanda taking on Betty's apartment.
The season was the last that featured Rebecca Romijn and Ashley Jensen as regulars, with Romijin's character Alexis moving to France to be with her son early in the season, and Jensen's character Christina returning to Scotland with her family in episode 20.
Season 4: 2009–2010 [ edit ]
Following dropping ratings in Season 3, Ugly Betty was moved from its Thursday night slot to the "Friday night death slot " resulting in further ratings decreases and protests from fans. Despite moving the show to a new Wednesday night slot in January, ratings failed to improve, and on January 27, 2010, ABC confirmed that the series would end in April, at the same time reducing the season length from 22 to 20 episodes. [ 7 ]
Following the events of the season 3 finale, Betty is promoted to editor at Mode . but faces increased pressure when her former boyfriend Matt is named as her boss, in addition to hostility from Marc, who was passed over for promotion for Betty. Further storylines include Justin being bullied upon moving to High School and subsequent relationship with male classmate Austin; Daniel struggling to adapt following Molly's death; Claire tracking down her long-lost son Tyler and his subsequent alcoholism; Hilda renewing her relationship with Bobby Telercio (Adam Rodriguez) and subsequent engagement and marriage.
The series concludes with the Suarez sisters leaving home, with Betty accepting a new job in London and Hilda and Justin moving out to live with Bobby. Daniel gives up his position at Mode, handing the reins to Wilhelmina; Marc's efforts are finally vindicated via promotion and Amanda is successful in finding her birth father. In the final scene, Daniel bumps into Betty in London, informing her that he is looking for his passion, and Betty jokingly offering him a role as her assistant.
Following news of the show's cancellation, a number of former cast members returned to reprise their roles in guest appearances, including Ashley Jensen, Christopher Gorham, Freddy Rodriguez and Grant Bowler.
Cast and characters [ edit ]
Dating Narcissistic and Egotistical Women
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
A commenter on the article about sexy body language asks the following regarding narcissistic and egotistical women:
“ I was wondering if you could put out any content on how to deal with narcissistic, overly selfish women. They're tougher to deal with on some levels and I'd love to see what kind of content you have for how to deal with that type of woman. ”
If you're like many people reading this article, your first reaction might be, "Who on Earth wants to date a narcissist? "
You know. selfish, egotistical, conniving. Unempathetic. Cold, in many ways.
But there're two sides to everything, and narcissism is no exception. Narcissists also tend to be incredibly charming, very charismatic, and quite colorful. They're frequently the center of attention. the bright and shiny objects at the middle of the room.
They are the coveted. And they enjoy being coveted.
In fact, there are reasons you may want to date a girl who's a narcissist. just as there are reasons you may not .
Narcissism is, like anything in language, a label. It's used to attempt to differentiate a subset of personality traits that commonly appear in conjunction with one another.
According to the DSM-5 (which admittedly has come under a great deal of criticism as being pseudo-scientific, unduly influenced by drug companies, and being demoted in authority by the NIMH and the BPS), narcissistic personality disorder includes five or more of the following:
Is grandiose in evaluation of self without demonstrating superior achievements
Concentrates on fantasies of great success, influence, intelligence, beauty or perfect love
Demands to be overly admired
Frequently envious of others or assumes others are envious of him or her
Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
Wikipedia further differentiates between narcissism and other similar personality disorders thus:
Antisocial personality disorder: although these personality disorders share qualities of tough-mindedness, glibness, superficiality, exploitiveness and lack of empathy, narcissistic personality disorder does not include antisocial traits such as aggression, deceit and impulsivity, nor do they have, as antisocials do, the history of conduct disorder in childhood or criminal behavior as an adult. Additionally, narcissistic personality disorder is needy specifically for the admiration and envy of others, a trait lacking in antisocial personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder: in contrast to this disorder, the narcissistic personality disorder has a stable self image, and lacks the self-destructiveness, impulsivity and concerns about abandonment.
Borderline, antisocial and histrionic personality disorders: although these disorders share qualities of coquettishness, callousness, and neediness, the grandiosity of the narcissistic personality disorder distinguishes it from these others.
So, yeah, obviously a narcissist is something of a spotlight grabber, with some pretty clear downsides to her personality profile.
Who'd want to date someone like this?
The Upside of Narcissism
In the present-day United States, 10% of individuals in their 20s meet the requirements for narcissistic personality disorder. And that number is rising.
That's quite a lot of people with narcissism.
Anecdotally, egotism seems to be rising across all Western countries, and even in non-Western countries as Western media and ways of life infiltrate these societies.
In psychological circles, there's some degree of debate about whether narcissism is an ego-protective defense mechanism centered on shoring up weak "real" self-esteem, or is something else (with some studies reporting narcissists showing high "real" self-esteem, and others reporting narcissists showing low "real" self-esteem; the paper "Narcissism and the non-equivalence of self-esteem measures: A matter of dominance? " postulates that this is due to a difference in the relation to dominance of the self-esteem measures being assessed in these studies).
There's plenty of research on the role of narcissism in dating, mating, leading, and life; apparently, narcissists make for interesting research fodder.
The study "Narcissism and attractiveness " found a (small but reliable) correlation between being narcissistic and being attractive, and "The dark triad of personality: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy " found a (small but reliable) correlation between being narcissistic and being intelligent. However, in "Narcissistic illusions in self-evaluations of intelligence and attractiveness " narcissists were also shown to perceive themselves as more attractive and more intelligent than they actually were (with male narcissists more guilty of this than female narcissists).
"Narcissism and emergent leadership in military cadets " had the following interesting findings about narcissism and leadership:
“ Some 200 military cadets rated themselves and other members of their platoons on a variety of variables, including the quality of their leadership behaviors. They also completed standardized personality questionnaires measuring the positive and negative aspects of narcissism. Strong predictions were found for variables related to the two sides of that construct. The best rated leaders exemplified the bright side of narcissism while suppressing the dark side-emergent leaders were measured to be high in egotism and self-esteem but low in manipulativeness and impression management. Big Five personality factors were only marginally successful in predicting emergent leadership in this study. The data are discussed in terms of their relevance to identifying potentially destructive leaders in a group. ”
So, narcissism was a big leadership predictor, with the best leaders being those who accentuated the positive sides of narcissism (egotism, self-esteem) while suppressing the dark sides of it (manipulation, impression management).
“ The current research examines the link between narcissism and creativity at the individual, relational, and group levels of analysis. It finds that narcissists are not necessarily more creative than others, but they think they are, and they are adept at persuading others to agree with them. In the first study, narcissism was positively associated with self-rated creativity, despite the fact that blind coders saw no difference between the creative products offered by those low and high on narcissism. In a second study, more narcissistic individuals asked to pitch creative ideas to a target person were judged by the targets as being more creative than were less narcissistic individuals, in part because narcissists were more enthusiastic. Finally, a study of group creativity finds evidence of a curvilinear effect: Having more narcissists is better for generating creative outcomes (but having too many provides diminishing returns). ”
Amusingly, narcissists aren't any more creative than anyone else. but they believe they are, and so do other people. The flip side of this seems to be that having narcissists in a group makes the group more creative (perhaps via greater levels of confidence in its ability to be creative?).
The Downside of Narcissism
It's not all flowers and rainbows, however.
According to"Narcissism and social networking web sites ," narcissists are a lot more likely to self-promote on social networking sites, and plow a lot of time and effort into maintaining impressive-looking profiles there (which is arguably a useless waste of time, all things being equal).
According to "Narcissism in the perception of transgressions ," a narcissist is a heck of a lot more likely to play the victim card and break out some victim mentality when the occasion calls for it.
And if you're looking for a committed partner, you may find a narcissist rather a disappointment:
“ Two studies examined narcissism and commitment in ongoing romantic relationships. In Study 1, narcissism was found to be negatively related to commitment. Mediational analyses further revealed that this was primarily a result of narcissists’ perception of alternatives to their current relationship. Study 2 replicated these findings with an additional measure of alternatives. Again, narcissists reported less commitment to their ongoing romantic relationship. This link was mediated by both perception of alternatives and attention to alternative dating partners. The utility of an interdependence approach to understanding the role of personality in romantic relationships is discussed. ”
In "Susceptibility to infidelity in the first year of marriage ," narcissism is one of the three (3) most strongly correlated factors with infidelity early into a marriage (the other two are low conscientiousness - someone who doesn't care - and high psychoticism - someone who's crazy). In "Priming the primal scene: Betrayal trauma, narcissism, and attitudes toward sexual infidelity ," narcissism is again positively correlated with "the likelihood of having affairs, the number of partners cheated on, and (for women but not men) the likelihood of being cheated on."
“ It has been widely asserted that low self-esteem causes violence, but laboratory evidence is lacking, and some contrary observations have characterized aggressors as having favorable self-opinions. In 2 studies, both simple self-esteem and narcissism were measured, and then individual participants were given an opportunity to aggress against someone who had insulted them or praised them or against an innocent third person. Self-esteem proved irrelevant to aggression. The combination of narcissism and insult led to exceptionally high levels of aggression toward the source of the insult. Neither form of self-regard affected displaced aggression, which was low in general. These findings contradict the popular view that low self-esteem causes aggression and point instead toward threatened egotism as an important cause. ”
So, while a narcissist might normally be quite calm emotionally, the instant she feels insulted, she begins to exhibit "exceptionally high levels" of anger and retribution - the classic phenomenon of "narcissistic rage ," a violent reaction to "a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth."
In addition, if you're looking for emotional intimacy, you'll find disappointment in the findings in "Narcissism and romantic attraction ," published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The researchers from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who authored the study revealed the following results:
“ A model of narcissism and romantic attraction predicts that narcissists will be attracted to admiring individuals and highly positive individuals and relatively less attracted to individuals who offer the potential for emotional intimacy. Five studies supported this model. Narcissists, compared with nonnarcissists, preferred more self-oriented (i. e. highly positive) and less other-oriented (i. e. caring) qualities in an ideal romantic partner (Study 1). Narcissists were also relatively more attracted to admiring and highly positive hypothetical targets and less attracted to caring targets (Studies 2 and 3). Indeed, narcissists displayed a preference for highly positive-noncaring targets compared with caring but not highly positive targets (Study 4). Finally, mediational analyses demonstrated that narcissists' romantic attraction is, in part, the result of a strategy for enhancing self-esteem (Study 5). ”
So, someone who's narcissistic will look for romantic partners who are:
Very positive (uplifting) people
Very self-oriented people (who offer less emotional intimacy)
Not very caring people (who offer more emotional intimacy)
A pessimistic but caring person who wants to bond emotionally makes a narcissist run in the other direction, while an optimistic but self-focused person who has little time for bonding makes a narcissist's heart flutter.
Narcissism: What've We Got?
On the plus side, dating a narcissist means you get:
Someone who's a bit more attractive than the average
Someone who's a bit more intelligent than the average
Someone who's more dominant and a stronger leader
Someone with a higher degree of charisma and personal appeal
Someone who thinks highly of herself and is normally positive
On the minus side, you also get:
Someone prone to scheming and manipulation
Someone who believes she's smarter, prettier, and more special than she is
Someone who isn't all that interested in emotional intimacy
Someone who's a lot more likely to have an affair or be uncommitted
Someone liable to snap your head off in a rage when and if you insult her
Anybody feel like heli-skiing?
Narcissists are one of the extreme sports of dating. you probably want to stay away unless you're itching for both excitement and danger.
I tend to have a fair number of narcissists around me. This may be because I rate "Very High" on narcissism tests myself. It may also be because I rate "Very High" on empathy tests, too, and can get inside their heads. rather an unusual combination. The standard definition of a narcissist is someone who largely lacks empathy.
People high on narcissism tend to be low on empathy, and people high on empathy tend to be low on narcissism. I attribute my own somewhat bizarre mix to high natural empathy that I taught myself to suppress and switch off as a defense mechanism in my preteens.
Regardless the reason why I have it, I can talk not just from what I've read here, but I can also talk about what I've learned from being around narcissistic people, from dating narcissistic women, and from having a number of narcissistic personality traits myself (I'm not sure if I would actually classify myself as a "narcissist" or not, since I normally try and temper any narcissistic reactions by running these through an empathetic filter. that one's difficult to peg).
Narcissist Pickup
Two things to realize about trying to pick up a girl who's also a narcissist:
She's much more sensitive to slights and aloofness and much more likely to auto-reject more quickly than most - you're walking on a finer wire with her
She likes admirers, but only wants to actually spend time around them if they are admirers she considers "worthy" of her - e. g. they have status, charisma, fame, really good looks, sparkling intellect, or some other highly desirable trait she can learn from or benefit from having around her
I've watched beautiful women with narcissistic inclinations go for fat, balding men who worked as higher ups at television stations simply because they were impressed with the guy's credentials. These are not gold diggers, mind you - they're not dating the guy purely for riches.
I've had these girls brag to me about these guys flying them around to exotic locales and putting them up in expensive hotels. And I've had them tell me about how these guys bought them entire new wardrobes. But that's just a perk - it's not the reason why they're dating them.
All the narcissistic women I know (or, at least the ones I've maintained friendships and relationships with) have had good careers and plenty of their own money. They've also dated men who made less money than them - sometimes a good bit less.
To an outsider without a window into how their minds work, it might appear there's no pattern at all to why they date whom they do.
One moment she's dating a high-flying guy with a great career who's jetting her all over the globe and buying her expensive things. The next moment she's with a guy 6 years her junior who works as a barista at Starbucks but plans to open up his own photography studio "when he saves up enough" and lives in a tiny apartment.
(these are actual guys some of my ex-girlfriends and female friends have dated)
The key is this: the guy has SOMETHING about him that she finds impressive .
And, truth be told, every girl is looking for a man with something impressive about him.
But narcissistic women are looking for more of this than most.
So what do you need to pick her up in the first place?
You must:
Exude positive energy. If she gets even the slightest hint of negativity from you, she's gone. She doesn't want it around her, and she doesn't want you bringing her down. She's very sensitive to ego regulation, and doesn't want to risk having someone around her who makes her feel bad. You might be able to get away with sarcasm or playful insults with some girls, but you won't get away with it with women who are narcissists.
Don't tease much. She's a big girl and she can take it? Only if she knows you're 100% on her side, and she doesn't know that when she first meets you. When she first meets you, the only thing going through her head is, "Does this guy realize how great I am, or is he going to be another hater?" Every tease must be followed up with emotional validation - that is to say, telling her she's awesome, and showing genuine interest in her. You'll say, "No, actually, you're really good at that. How'd you even learn to do that in the first place?"
Compliment her plenty (genuinely). She's a sucker for compliments. but ONLY if they're genuine. She's a narcissist. she's used to being admired. She knows when she's being brown-nosed because you want something from her (in which case, your compliments are fake, and rather insulting, because you don't actually realize how amazing she is), or when a compliment is genuine and you actually recognize something awesome about her. When it's the latter, she'll come to think more highly of you. This is really only all that important in the first few minutes - once you're deep diving, you'll be complimenting her by showing interest, and that's usually enough.
Be high status. Again, she's accustomed to being around high-ish status people, at least, if not outright celebrities and business magnates and politicians (and the older she is, more beautiful she is, and/or more centrally located in an important city she is, the more likely she is to be around these people regularly), so you're not going to be able to fake this with her. you need to really have tight fundamentals and impressive-enough credentials to throw around.
Escalate FAST. If she likes you, she likes you, and because she sees herself as "special" and above the commoners around her, she'll tend to have fewer inhibitions about moving quickly with an attractive man she's just met than most. However, that also means her escalation windows will close faster and she'll write you off sooner as a coward or a putz if you don't lead and make things happen. Don't want to get written off? Keep things moving forward.
Be impressed, in a powerful way. That means things like leaning in just enough to show interest but not so much that you're falling all over yourself for her. Probe her with deep diving and find out about her accomplishments and let her tell you about them. Smile slowly and broadly as she tells you things, as if she's just let you in on a great and fascinating secret. Make sure she sees that you "get it" - she's up to some awesome stuff.
The more genuine you are, the better you'll tend to do with narcissistic women.
The more "gamey" you are - the more it feels like you're running game, or trying too hard - the more likely you are to quickly be written off as insincere, and thus, not genuinely high status and also likely to be someone who doesn't appreciate all of her qualities.
So if you want those flashy, high status-y, center-of-attention girls with barrels full of ego, make sure you're coming across like you really mean what you're saying and doing - and not like a caricatured pick up artist running lines and routines. This is important for ALL women, but narcissistic gals are more sensitive to it than the usual.
Having a Relationship with a Woman with Ego
Narcissists' relationships tend not to last that long.
With the women I've dated who are narcissists, our relationships have often been the longest relationships they've had. probably because I understand them enough to not be put off by their judgment of other people as weak.
I'm a pretty dominant guy with women, and even I have had the "weak" spotlight turned on me by narcissist girlfriends from time to time (this is something, by the way, that needs to be dealt with with a very strong hand the instant it appears or you sense it. especially with girls with ego, the instant you let her believe you're weak in any substantial way for any prolonged period of time, your goose is cooked).
The major advantages in my eyes of dating narcissistic women are:
Plenty of passion. Narcissists tend not to have many close friends, and tend not to have long-lasting friendships, because nobody's perfect, and narcissists are relentless ego-protectors. as soon as a friend starts becoming a liability, he or she gets cut off. If you want a passionate relationship, date somebody who's a little (or a lot) crazy and doesn't keep many close contacts. Why? Because all the energy that, for most people, is spread out among a large cluster of contacts is instead devoted almost entirely to you. you become a very important, central figure in her life. And you get a whole heaping serving of passion as a result of this.
A real "us vs. them" vibe. Because she's frequently fighting the world (or some other large, noble [or not so noble] cause), she'll rely on you to be on her "team." You'll support her on her endeavors, and she'll support you on yours. The feeling of closeness - despite the lack of emotional intimacy - is often much greater than you'll have with most other women.
Keeping harmful people at bay. People who are less vigilant at pruning and maintaining their personal connections tend to pick up people who are "liabilities" in their contacts list over time - the friend who's always got drama going on, the ex-roommate who's always imposing, the colleague who constantly drinks to excess and needs a ride home. A narcissist might have a person like this around her for a little while - she does tend to meet lots of interesting new people - but she'll quickly grow impatient with her and soon cut her off. And she learns from each person like this - each dramatic or annoying experience is a personality type she knows to stay away from in the future. She's good at saying "no."
Does things on her terms. One of the things a narcissist dislikes more than anything else is people trying to impose on her (she also highly dislikes people who allow others to impose upon them - this is the definition of "weak" to a narcissist). She'll tend to do things on her own terms, march to the beat of a different drummer, and be far more immune to social pressure than most. If all her friends are jumping off a bridge, she'll be watching them jump, shaking her head and saying, "THAT's stupid."
Appreciates self-improvement. She wants to get better and stronger and more effective, and she appreciates you being able to do this too. She won't hold you back - in fact, she'll encourage you to do more, and get annoyed at you if you don't. She plans on becoming ever better, and she doesn't want to be with you unless she knows you'll be pulling her up rather than dragging her back.
I stressed the "advantages in my eyes " part of this above because if you're of a different mentality than I am, these may not be advantages to you. Passion everybody likes, but here's how some of the others might be interpreted differently by you:
"Us vs. them": some people are going to look at that and say, "But life isn't a battle! There is no 'us' and no 'them' - we're all in this together!"
People who are liabilities kept at bay: some people are going to look at that and say, "But I like my friend Jeb who always needs to borrow money, and I like Hank, even if he's always over here crying about some girl. They're my friends - I don't want to lose them!"
Doing things on her terms: some people are going to look at that and say, "But I want to do things with other people - I don't want us to always have to figure out our own things to do. Can't we just hang out with friends and drink beers and be normal?"
Self-improvement: some people are going to look at that and say, "Geez, that sounds exhausting. I don't think I could even keep up with someone like that - or want to!"
If any of those sound like you, then the advantages of dating a narcissistic woman are probably going to be dis advantages. and the disadvantages are still going to be disadvantages.
So, you have been warned.
Disadvantages of a Narcissistic Girlfriend
These, of course, are the ones we covered above:
She's not nearly as committed. She's always got one eye on the exit door. She'll tell you she wants to stay with you forever. maybe. But she won't entirely mean it. (Of course, if you don't want "forever," this setup can be ideal) She'll still love you and like being with you, yes - but she'll be telling herself at the same time that relationships end every day and the only realistic thing is to expect that yours might one day, too - and it's best to be ready for when it does.
The lack of emotional intimacy. Again, not a problem if you're not all that interested in this, but if you want to be able to sit around with a girl and just spill your heart out and have her spill hers out, you're going to be pretty disappointed when she gives you a look of annoyance and distaste when you try doing this with her, and follows that up by calling you "weak."
She's a higher infidelity risk. The risk of infidelity is somewhat higher with a woman who's a narcissist - she'll tend to have had more partners than a woman who isn't, sex is less of a big deal to you, and she'll be more likely to assume your relationship is going to end one day anyway, so what's the big deal? On the other hand, one of the advantages when it comes to preventing cheating with her is that she only does what she wants to do and is not very easily led - whereas a softer girl might cheat on you "by accident" if she meets a very convincing man who's very good at leading, a narcissistic girl will only cheat if she wants to and decides to - so long as you don't give her a reason to, and she doesn't have a SUPER high sex drive and/or put herself in position to cheat very often, you're probably safe.
She's probably pulling your strings. Not to hurt you, mind you - but she's very good at getting what she wants and protecting herself from being hurt. No one's ever 100% honest with you, but she's more likely to be at a lower percentage of honesty than a girl who's not a narcissist. and the bigger the narcissist she is, usually, the higher the level of dishonesty, often about things you will never know or suspect. She's a puppet master; she knows people very well, and she knows how to get what she wants from them, more often with charm and bats of her eyes and pretty little smiles than with the knife-twists-in-the-back that people seem to think of when they think of string-pulling (only sloppy amateurs do things that way).
She thinks she's very special. Which is no big deal if you also think she's very special. and it'll be easy to think this, around her beautiful, charismatic self. However, if you really don't think she's anything special, it's going to start to annoy you that she thinks this about herself. (Then again, if you don't think she's anything special, why are you dating her?)
She's prone to narcissistic fits of rage. Have you ever had someone totally wig out on you over something? So long as you don't seriously insult her, you won't have to worry about this, but if you're not terribly sensitive and can be hurtful or insulting sometimes, be prepared to watch her blow her top and go into rage mode from time to time.
Those may be enough to give you pause. or they may make you shrug, yell "Cannonball!", and dive right in.
Depends very much what you want with your life right now.
Running Your Relationship with Her
A little more freedom and autonomy to do her own thing
A little more strength and dominance out of you (so you don't appear weak)
. yet without you coming across overly controlling (which is annoying, and also looks weak. like you're too afraid to let go)
You to maintain and grow your status and other qualities and be on an upward arc
No sappy "Let's bond emotionally!" type cry-it-out, sharing-deep-dark-secrets stuff (even if she decides to open up to you. which she may, or may not)
You to agree with, or at least not be offended by, her judging other people as weak or low quality (you can disagree with her if you like - as an empathetic person, I've often found myself explaining others' actions to low/no empathy narcissists around me, but usually all this gets you is a grunt or a shrug or a, "Well, whatever")
A lot more really good sex (and for you to really make her orgasm )
If you're fine meting out (genuine) praise, are sensitive about not poking people in their sore spots, don't have much of a need for emotional connection, are strong and dominant, are highly self-improvement oriented and on an upward swing in your achievements and skills, are confident and secure and not overly jealous or controlling but still firm and certain in what you want, can at least control yourself around people calling other people "weak," and are good in bed, you should be fine with a narcissistic girlfriend.
However, if you act "weak" (i. e. you're controlling, or tentative, or jealous, or emotionally sensitive), or you can't deliver the goods in the bedroom, or you stall out and stop making progress in her life while she continues to. expect her to lose patience with you pretty quick, and cheat on, break up with, or otherwise make life a living hell for you.
Goes with the territory, I'm afraid.
She sees herself as being worth a lot. Whether you agree or not does not matter ; that's how she sees herself. And as such, she expects a lot out of you. and if she stops getting it, she might cut you some slack for a little while, but she won't cut you slack for all that long.
Should You Date a Girl with an Ego?
Well, that depends on what you want.
While a softer, more sensitive girl might suffer in silence with bad, non-orgasmic sex, or tolerate you being wishy-washy or not making progress in life, or being a little jealous and controlling. an egotistic girl will call you out on this mercilessly. She will force you to upgrade yourself - or else, get out of her life.
I'd probably recommend you look more for women with a touch of narcissism than those with a full blown case of it. The women I've had the most rewarding relationships were the ones with SOME narcissism. and the lack of patience for the weak and the flawed that goes along with it - but who were also empathetic as well. You can't be on ALL the time, and women with zero empathy cut zero slack.
The good news for you as a man is that narcissism tends to be less pronounced in women. Even when I've had very narcissistic girlfriends, they've still cooked for me, cleaned (some) things for me, and asked about me.
(although usually, she's more assessing your strength and health for her own personal reasons - e. g. to see if she needs to help you out if, for instance, she really needs you and can't afford to have you break down or wear out, or if you're becoming weak and she needs to tell you to shape up or ship out)
Basically, if you have emotional needs of closeness and comfort and dependency that you need a partner to fulfill, don't date a narcissistic woman. You'll tear your hair out. you'll start feeling like a victim.
"I do SO MUCH for her, and she doesn't even VALUE it!"
If you have anything similar to white knight reasoning going on in your head ("I did X good thing for her, therefore she owes me Y amount of love and kindness"), you need girlfriends high on caring, not high on self.
However, if you'd like a girl who's going to call you on your crap more than coddle you and tell you it's okay, a narcissistic girl can be an excellent girlfriend.
My girlfriends with big egos have been some of the best teachers and motivators I've had in my life. Frustrating as hell sometimes, and you get no leeway whatsoever - instead of taking care of you when you're sick, they start hammering you and testing you hard, because they see it as a sign of weakness, for instance, and you need to rally your strength and make them submit just so that they'll realize that even when you're weakened, you're still mighty.
But they will push you to do better. They'll insist that you succeed. And they'll get disgusted with you the moment you start acting lazy, weak, or average.
If you want greatness, date a narcissist. She will demand it from you, and settle for nothing less. So long as you're kicking butt on your endeavors, you'll have a passionate girlfriend who appreciates you quite a bit, but if you ever start to slip, she'll first call you on it, and then, if it goes on too long, she'll get out.
Personally, I love having a girl with some ego - they make you into a dominant man like nothing else will, because you get no break from it - the moment you let your guard down, you're getting hit. You're forced to not just act it, but BE it.
But then, I'm something of a self-improvement nut. and if you're more "normal" than I am, you may not want that level of intensity and pressure and that little leeway around you.
Either way, a girl with a planet-sized ego always makes for an interesting dating experience - maybe try it out sometime and see if you can handle it (or if it drives you to madness instead).
Chase
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