Dating Tips for Guys, KaBoom! Your Love Life Is About To Change
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Snippets of Keys to Seduction Articles Above:
Older Men Dating Younger Women, Super Tip, You Need to Read This!
Come on face it, you would love to date a younger woman. Well if you have the energy and are willing to listen and adjust to what I have to say, than you can pull off this coveted feat. Read My Super Tip.
Broken Up? Learn How To Get Her Back
Stop crying over her, take action to get your ex back. 50,000 books sold says you can! That's better than house odds. Read How To Get Her Back.
Approach Women Without Fear
Has this happened to you? Next to you at the coffee shop is a smoking hot girl. You're dying to say something, anything, but lack the balls. Men have three major problems. R ead more.
Dating over 40, Getting Back on The Horse
Ah your golden years. Yeah right! This is when it gets good. Scratch that, this is when it gets great! Think about it, dating over 40 means your pool of women is vast. You now have confidence and at least some money. Let's bring it! Read more.
Questions to Ask a Girl
These questions will get her talking all about herself.
They are fun, interesting and personal. At the same time you will be getting to know her and all her quirky ways. Yikes. Questions to Ask a Girl read more.
Killer Dating Tips for Shy Guys,
How to overcome shyness is a common problem for shy guys. You are not alone. I suffered from shyness as kid and I know it can be quite painful. Now let's kick this self defeating behavior in the ass! Shy Guys read more.
Change Your Colors, Change Your Life - My Chameleon Theory
The ability to change your colors. How cool would that be? You're on the battlefield and you blend into your surroundings. That could save your life. Save your life in the dating scene by changing your colors. My Chameleon Theory. Women, and people for that matter, want to label us. It's human nature. Read more.
Older Men Dating Younger Women, Everything You Need to Know
"Act younger than your years, but don’t overdo it, while keeping the great traits of an older guy." I explain in depth what younger women want. You're gonna love this section! I indulge you on how the younger woman mind works. Then we will crush your competition by exploiting these facts with super tips that you just have to read. Powerful stuff! Read more.
Online Dating Tips for Men - Supercharged!
Want the best online dating book on the market?
My results are from a 6 month session of an internet dating marathon. I stopped seeing all other women so I could focus my mojo on internet dating. Trust me, I needed the energy. Follow these tips from the pros and you will need an ice pack for weeks. Here are my results: Online for Men read more.
Getting Over A Break Up, This One Hits Home
How To Pick Up Girls At The Beach
Haven't we all fantasized about this one? Thongs just give girls too much of an advantage. Plus there is always some pick up pro that can grab a girl every time. I have the answer to how it's done and it will surprise you. Get The Girl At The Beach.
How To Turn A Girl On, Interview with Mona from Canada
Learn the secrets from a beautiful woman. In this section women join us to weigh in on what REALLY turns them on. You will be amazed at what men think they know compared to what girls tell us. These interviews are real, amazing and very powerful. They are spoken from the heart. Don't miss what Mona has to say. Learn How To Turn A Girl On.
A Night With Me At Blue Martini, My Favorite Club
This is it guys, follow me as I take you play by play through a "live" night at Blue Martini, Boca Raton Florida. Learn it all in one sweet session of engaging women.
We scan for prospects, we look for positive body language, we approach women fearlessly, we cover VIP table service, engaging conversation with women, dancing and of course the close. One night, one session that will make you say, "Wow, I can do this too!" Read A Night At Blue Martini Exposed!
Learn Body Language Of Women
If you had a crystal ball and could predict an outcome would you use it? Damn straight you would! Here it is, BODY LANGUAGE. Why men approach blind into the teeth of the tiger is beyond me. I can tell you your outcome because I know body language.
Just by learning and looking for my simple signals that girls give off, will give you the green or red light on that woman you desire so much.
Why get shot down by choosing door number one when it's door number two that will bring you success? Amazing how dumb we can be. Read everything here at Body Language Of Women.
Our dating tips displayed here are clear and concise, tailored for you, the guy who wants to step it up. No more saying, "If only I could approach that woman"
Dive in, super charge your love life and learn how to pick up and date beautiful women.
By reading this you'll:
The best dating advice comes from the guys who are successful in the game. The man with gorgeous women around him. The alpha dude that gets the girl of his choosing. The guy laughing, smiling, listening and asking smooth sincere questions.
He’s the one making eye contact, and dressed as well as anyone in the room. This is who you want to emulate. This is the guy to learn from. Let us share our secrets.
Sign up for HOT TIPS (above) . I think you will be inspired with what we have to say.
First up - Your Batters Box - Basic Dating Tips for Men
Then - Run the Bases - Dating Tactics and Strategies
Keys to Seduction will engage and instill confidence in you. You can easily learn and deploy our trend setting methods for dating women.
Remember, I'm a guy like you. The only difference is I've trained myself to think and act towards dating women as I teach in the following pages.
Why dating ugly men can be a beautiful thing.
(Photo: Everett Collection)
W hen I was in my mid-twenties I briefly dated a very successful, very unattractive guy I’ll call Movie Maker. I was at Void with friends, and as soon as he was introduced to me I felt woozy because I was such a fan of his oeuvre. It didn’t bother me that he was one of the uglier guys I had seen in my life. On the contrary—I decided that his low hotness was a great counterpoint to his high Q rating. It didn’t matter how successful and sought-after he was. If he was that weird-looking, he would never leave me.
Come to the Dark Side Three bars where nobody will care what you look like.
I shook my head no. “I was,” I said, “but he turned out to be a self-involved jerk and broke up with me.”
“I dated him, too,” she said. “And he dumped me, too. He’s dated every artsy, cute Jewish girl in the city. We all make the same mistake. We go for him because of his name but think he’s some diamond in the rough because he’s ugly. Except it turns out he’s getting laid left and right because every girl’s thinking the same thing. He’s a bigger player than a good-looking guy.”
“You’ve hit on it!” I squealed, and we jumped up and down a few times, feeling like twin Jessica Fletchers.
I haven’t seen Movie Maker in five years, but recently I caught up with my girlfriend again. She’d moved to L. A. bought a house, and found a husband. “Why do we go for ugly guys?” I asked.
“When you date an ugly guy who’s smart and interesting,” she said, “you think you’re getting a good deal. You’re getting him on sale. You think an ugly guy will be more grateful and treat you better.”
But of course that’s not true. Cheaters come in all shapes and sizes, and some good-looking guys are so loyal that they’re faithful.
Some women fall for ugly guys in spite of themselves—they meet them, have a bland reaction, then come to know and love them. I’ve fallen for ugly guys for a much more obvious reason: They’re grateful, which makes for better sex. I once dated a guy so heavy he practically killed me every time he got on top, but he told me I was beautiful and he could never keep his hands off me, which I loved. My friend Stella, 31, a writer, can relate. “A guy who’s not as attractive as you is more likely to tell you that you are, especially in a place like New York, where so many women are skinnier, curvier, taller, and have clearer skin. I like to hear that. And a lot of guys I’ve dated never say it.”
Of course, in this city, a woman’s choice to date ugly may be more survivalist than anything else. In cities like L. A. every guy looks like a model, but most straight guys in New York just aren’t that gorgeous. So we don’t trust the handsome ones. “When I see a really attractive guy,” says Stella, “I assume he’s gay or a player and I don’t even bother talking to him. If something about him screams sexy, that’s never a good sign. Those are the ones you should run away from.”
How Do Average-Looking (or Ugly) Guys Pick Up Beautiful Women?
December 24, 2012
Are you thinking, “How the heck did he get her?” or “What is she doing with him?”
This guy, like millions of other “ugly” guys, has attracted and kept this beautiful woman because of his confidence and overall personality.
Adrian Lima with her husband Marko Jaric
Marko Jaric (Adriana Lima’s husband) doesn’t look like a male model, but he is married to a supermodel. According to scientific research on physical attraction, people with facial features that are evenly spaced out are considered the most physically attractive. Marko’s eyes are very close together, which should mean that his face isn’t physically attractive. Why is she with him then? Some may say it is because he is a basketball player. Well, that doesn’t make any sense because she could have picked other basketball players. Why did she choose him?
What attracts a woman to a man? Most guys assume that women want a handsome, tall, rich man with six-pack abs.
Many of these men also believe that since they weren’t born with the genes of a male model, they will never be able to attract or keep a very beautiful woman unless they somehow win the lottery or add 5 inches to their penis. So, what is the truth here? Why do women hook up with “ugly” men and how can you get some of that action, even if you’re average looking or good looking? Let’s start with the reaction that guys have when they see a hot woman with an “ugly guy”…
“What the? Why is She With Him?”
Have you ever been walking through a shopping mall and seen an ugly, short or overweight guy with a beautiful woman and thought, “What is she doing with him?” Of course. In our modern society with a media that constantly pushes advertising images of male models with female models, it looks odd when a hot chick is with an ugly guy in public.
When modern men see this strange phenomena, they usually assume that for a beautiful woman to want to be with a guy who isn’t “tall and handsome” or who doesn’t have “male model” looks, it must be because he is very rich, paying off all her bills of has a penis the size of a baby arm. Yet, in almost all cases, they’d be wrong. Why? The reason why you will often see beautiful women with an average-looking (or even below-average looking) boyfriend/husband is that most women (not all) choose men for reasons OTHER than looks. Really, it’s true.
If you can’t accept that fact of life, then you’re not ready to learn the truth about attraction and get on with being successful with women. Instead, you may be at a stage in life where you’re not ready to have sex or a relationship with beautiful women because you want to believe the bullshit that is fed to you via media advertising. To you, it might feel safer to hide from beautiful women and believe that it’s all about looks, money, height, race or some other excuse that you use. You might be afraid that if you do get a beautiful woman into a relationship, you will end up ruining it, getting dumped and feeling worse about yourself and your attractiveness to women.
Confidence, Personality and Having the Guts to Approach Her or Ask Her Out
Ugly guys get action with women by giving it a go, while other guys sit back and just look at women and watch them walk by. It’s like what Bill Rancic (the winner of The Apprentice show with Donald Trump) always says, “You don’t have to be the smartest guy in the room, but you have to work the hardest.” The same applies to women. You don’t have to be the best looking guy in the room, but you’ve got to approach and give it go.
When you see a beautiful woman with an “ugly” or average looking guy, he will have attracted her with his personality. She will have felt impressed and attracted at his confidence for having the balls to approach her or ask her out. This alpha male approach that any guy can use, is naturally attractive to women. They are hard-wired to respond to guys who have and display alpha male traits because alpha males are usually better survivors, better protectors and better lovers.
If the ugly guy and hot woman remain together in a relationship for a lifetime or for a very long time, it will usually be because he maintained belief in his attractiveness and value to her. If he is also what women refer to as a “real man,” it will mean that he has a strong life purpose and is not basing his life on her. She is a big part of his life, but the most important thing will be rising through the levels of life and achieving his true purpose as a man.
Many guys are surprised to realize that women actually want it that way. Women want to be with a man who goes after his true potential in life and doesn’t hide from his dreams behind her and the relationship. Women want a man that they can look up to, respect and remain attracted to. If he isn’t good looking, most women really don’t care. What’s most important is that he is a man and is going to go after big things in life, protect her and provide for any offspring they have together.
An Ugly Guy Can’t Pick Up Every Woman
I’m definitely not saying that any “ugly” guy can pick up any beautiful woman if he has confidence, personality, balls and a purpose in life that is bigger and more important than any of the women he is meeting. There are many women who will not hook up with a guy who doesn’t have blonde hair, isn’t 6ft tall or doesn’t drive a BMW. However, for every one of those picky women there is another beautiful woman who just wants a good man who is confident, masculine (in how he thinks, behaves and takes action in life and around her) and is able to make her feel like a real woman in the relationship.
To find himself a beautiful woman, an “ugly” guy needs to have the mindset that he won’t be able to attract every woman, but he will be able to attract many of the women he meets. As it turns out, that is the mindset that every guy needs to have to be successful with women. If you go through life worrying that you might get rejected by some women, then you are going about dating in the wrong way. The truth is that no matter how “good looking” you are, you (and any other guy) are never going to be compatible with every woman you meet. To be successful at finding the perfect girl, you have to be prepared to meet many women and not worry if it doesn’t work out with some of them.
Millions of Confused Men Who Think They Need to Look Young and Beautiful Like a Woman
If you watch too many TV advertisements or look at enough magazine ads, you may start to believe that women want us men to look as “pretty” as they do. Heck, I fell for that bullshit, especially after seeing women on Tv constantly talking about handsome guys and saying, “Oooooh, he’s so handsome.” Before I became the guy I now am, I was going through life thinking that beautiful women would never like me because of my mediocre looks. When I interacted with beautiful women, they could sense my insecurity and self-doubt, which turned them off even more. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men (e. g. confidence, masculinity) and turned off by the weakness (e. g. nervousness, insecurity, anxiety).
The crazy advertisements that you see on TV for “men’s beauty” products are part of the reason why the “Metrosexual” trend began. All of sudden, confused men began waxing their chest, getting pedicures, facials, plucking their eyebrows and so on. Desperate to look good for the ladies, men began buying expensive shoes, clothes and colognes in the hope that they would look good enough for modern women. Yet, all along, ugly and average looking guys who understand how attraction between men and women really works, just got on with having sex and enjoying relationships with beautiful women.
These days, most guys don’t have great male role models in their life who are actively teaching them the truth about women, attraction and how to be a man, so they usually fall victim to believing the messages from advertisements on TV. For example: The “Nivea For Men” ads that tell a man he needs to look “young” and “fresh” so that women will like him, or that if he wears the right scent of deodorant he will suddenly become attractive to women.
Ridiculous, but that’s what we modern men have to deal with. You’ve got to learn to screen that crap out and see the real version of reality around you. If you don’t, the manipulative messages in TV advertisements will make you insecure for life.
You’re Not a Pretty Little Peacock
In the peacock bird species, the female selects her mate based on how colorful and pretty he is. In case you haven’t noticed, that is not how the human mating dance works. You don’t have to be all colorful and pretty like a woman or a trannie dancing in Rio for the Carnivale. You’re a man and women select men based on their confidence, masculinity (how you think, behave and take action), social intelligence/social skills, personality and your ability to make her feel girly.
Yes, some women do actively seek out what they percieve to be a “good looking” man, but think about it…
Do you think that Adriana Lima (the supermodel pictured earlier in the article) thinks that her husband is handsome. Of course she does. Physical attraction is a very weird thing and what some people see as ugly, others see as sexy and appealing. In the case of Adriana Lima and Marko Jaric, she most likely feels mostly attracted to his confidence, masculinity, social intelligence, personality and ability to make her feel girly. She could have easily hooked up with a male model, but she chose a man with eye so close together, he almost looks like Cyclops!
“But, I’ve Seen Women Looking at Handsome Men and Getting Excited About it…”
Some guys are so insecure about their looks that they cling to evidence that women are only attracted to a guy’s looks. They want to believe it, rather than facing up to their fears and actually approaching and picking up beautiful women.
So, why do women go gaga over good looking guys sometimes? Simple. It is human nature to look at “pretty things” and admire them. However, if a handsome guy approaches a woman and is nervous around her, tries to impress her with a stupid opening line, bores her because he can’t carry on a stimulating conversation or doesn’t display the strong personality traits that a woman wants in a man, it won’t matter what he looks like. She will instantly forget about his good looks and rapidly begin losing interest. To help highlight this point, here are just some of the 1,000s of messages that I have received over the years from “good looking guys” who can’t even get themselves a girlfriend.
“I am 34, unmarried and lonely. All my life I have been called handsome and cute and whatever although to this date I’ve had sex two times. The first was with a drunk girl I lucked onto at a party and the other was a prostitute. I try talking to women and they seem interested at first but the conversation never goes anywhere.”
“Its impossible to approach women! I walk around the mall for hours on end trying to do it day after day but never doing it. I know everything about attracting women and what to say and do but I still can’t do it. I’m so sick of this. I’m a great looking guy – better looking than 99% of dudes I see . I have a great lifestyle, I’m a fantastic friend and I have good intentions, anybody would be lucky to date me. No matter how p**sed off I get with my situations its never enough to motivate to take the plunge and just say something. It depresses the hell out of me sitting in night after night thinking ‘ok tomorrow I’ll do it’ I’ve come to realisation now I’m just kidding myself I’m never going to do it. I hate seeing an attractive women with some dweeby boyfriend holding hands. What am I doing wrong. How can I change? Why aren’t my looks helping. ”
“I regularly get told that I am good looking and people ask me why I don’t have a girlfriend all the time, but I am yet to have one single girlfriend in my entire life and I am 27. Please Dan I am asking you to help me. I haven’t bought any of your products yet, but I promise I will if you help me.”
“i have very big problem and i hope you can surely help me out. most people including men and women tell me how good looking i am ;muscular and very tall but my problem is, i find it very difficult to approach girls even the ugliest. AND also find it difficult too talking to guys. i cant look straight to someones face when talking to. AND this has made feel me so shy when i try to approach women and the woman can just see directly from me so i really need your help.”
“ I am a very good looking guy . I work out and have a great body, I own my own business but I am am shy when I really like a girl. Where am I going wrong Dan? How can I be the man that women want?”
Did you read through the comments above?
Why aren’t all of those “good looking” guys getting laid or getting a girlfriend? Why are they getting rejected even though women are telling them how handsome they are? The reason is that being “good looking” is NOT the answer to success with women. If it was the answer, you wouldn’t see average and ugly looking guys with beautiful women.
What women look for in a man runs a lot deeper than looks, clothes or shoes. If you only pay attention to the superficial things that women say about “handsome men” or to the bullshit that you see on TV commercials that are trying to sell you “men’s beauty products,” then it’s only natural that you will begin to believe that it’s all about looks. However, if you focus on the real version of reality that you see around you (i. e. ugly, fat, short, bald men with beautiful women), you will realize that there is a lot more to attraction than the media has led you to believe.
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Dating Tips For Fat Guys
Every once in a while, I like to poll my readers on the NerdLove Facebook Page and on Twitter to find out what issues they feel are holding them back when it comes to dating. And the most common answer is: “I worry that I’m too fat to date.”
I’ll be honest: I’m not surprised. America’s a big country and we’re getting bigger. According to the Center for Disease Control. 69% of adults 20 years old and over are overweight and 35% are considered obese. And yet even when the number of people who are considered overweight form the majority of the population, obesity is in many ways one of the remaining acceptable prejudices. Last week, the #fatshamingweek hastag was trending on Twitter as numerous assholes and shitbags 1 took to the network and decided to mock fat people – mostly women, but men too – from behind the dubious anonymity of their Twitter accounts.
Now we could dwell on the fact that these various winners are not gym-sculpted Adonnises themselves, but instead I want to focus on the positive and work on improving people’s lives instead of trying to stroke the hate-boner. Besides, the best revenge is living well and there’s nothing quite like seeing the underdog succeed despite all of his or her disadvantages.
I mean, c’mon. The cognitive dissonance alone can make people’s heads explode.
“Whoop, there went another Red-Piller. We loose so many of them this way.”
Now, I’m going to be blunt: dating can suck when you’re fat. Societal standards of beauty are not only arbitrary but often literally impossible to achieve without Photoshop and make-up and there are assholes out there who feel empowered to mock fat people with impunity. But being large and in charge doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life of being forever alone ; in fact, you may find that you have far more options for finding love, sex and happiness than you’d ever believe possible.
Women Will Date Fat Men
Large dudes will frequently lament that their size automatically disqualifies them from dating – they believe that there is simply no way a woman could possibly like somebody who’s body isn’t rippled and shiny like a buttered ear of corn. Except… they totally do.
There are plenty of notable examples out there if you look around. Kevin Smith, for all of his fashion sins that I will get into in a second, is happily married with a lovely wife and daughter. Patton Oswalt, same story. Josh Gad, ditto. Seth Rogan is no Abercrombie and Fitch model but he’s also happily married.
It’s easy to forget this when the TV and magazines are showing you nothing but image after image of cut, veiny men with swimmers builds with women draped all over them like fur stoles, but women actually like a far wider range of body types than we’d think. Ask five women what their ideal male build is and you’ll get six different answers.
Take, for example, this image from a feature in the UK periodical The Sun; they flipped the script by posing ordinary men in underwear ads a la David Beckham or Christiano Ronaldo:
PHWOAR
The gentleman on the left has ended up with quite the devoted female fanbase; many many women prefer large and burly even when society insists that they only like guys who look like they’re 3% body fat.
More importantly though, it’s important to remember that attraction is about more than just looks – it’s about personality , presence and what you bring to the table . There’s no denying that looks help . But not only are they not the only factor, they’re the one that’s the most mutable.
Fat Isn’t Simple
Part of being able to accept that women will find you attractive is to understand that being fat isn’t a cut and dry issue.
Weight in the US is a loaded subject; society often equates being heavy with being lazy and/or weak-willed. Being fat is treated as a referendum on your worth as a person – people see it as an implication that you’re only fat because you simply don’t want to change badly enough. After all, if they’d just apply themselves, fat people could lose weight easily! Right? Right?
Well… not so much. Some people can lose weight without barely trying while others can exercise and diet until their eyes bleed and barely see the scale shift.
As we’ve been learning over the years, weight gain and loss is more complicated than a simple issue of “calories ingested <= calories burned”. The most obvious issue is the simple fact that not all calories are the same; otherwise people could lose weight while eating a restricted calorie diet that consisted primarily of sugar and Doritos.
Trust me, I’m a doctor. NOW GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY.
They’d be suffering from scurvy in short order, but hey, at least they’d be fitting into 32 jeans, right? Do teeth really look as good as skinny feels?
The societal disdain for heavyset people is so ingrained that even people who are fat feel ashamed about who they are and that they have to apologize for some personal flaw that leaves them with the mark of Canes 2 when the truth about obesity is as much about external factors as it is about food consumption.
Over the years, we have been discovering that there are innumerable other factors that affect body fat accumulation and weight gain. Many people who’ve struggled with weight-loss have been found to have Celiac disease or other gluten allergies that prevent the body from absorbing vitamins and minerals properly, sending the body into “survival mode”.
Other scientists have discovered a strong link between the chemical Bisphenol A and weight gain; BPA is found in many consumer products, including bottled water and food packaging, making it an invisible but nearly unavoidable part of our lives.
Still more factors include the ubiquity of high-fructose corn syrup in our food, the negative side-effects from processed soy products and even just plain old genetics and evolution. Moreover, all fat people aren’t created equal; scientists have found that many people – as many as 1 in 4 – can be overweight without suffering from the health issues such as higher incidents of heart disease, high blood-pressure and type-2 diabetes. BMI is a profoundly inaccurate measure of just about everything and being skinny doesn’t guarantee good health.
Working With Your Body
The next key is simply to accept that your body is your body and your shape is your shape and there is only so much that you can do to change that.
Your overall shape is going to be controlled by your bone structure and genetics as much as is by your diet and exercise. Some people simply have long, skinny frames and will always be lean and lanky no matter how much they try to bulk up. Others are shorter and squatter and will always appear heavier.
Some people have shorter torsos and trunks, which will affect their visual proportions; a longer torso makes you look skinnier even if you’re overweight while a shorter one makes you appear wider.
Even if you do lose weight, it’s no guarantee that you’re going to look like the cover of Men’s Health; a visible six-pack is as much the result of genetics, dehydration and favorable lighting as it is eating nothing but broiled chicken breasts and steamed broccoli and five hundred crunches a day. A low-carb diet might help you lose weight, but it’s not going to change your underlying frame; if you’re naturally compact and dense, then you’re not going to jog that away.
Speaking for myself: I’m short and broad. I inherited the O’Malley shoulders and I’m naturally barrel-chested; no amount of dieting or jogging is going to make that smaller. I’m always going to look more like a beer keg than Henry Cavill no matter what I do or don’t eat.
… but there’s always going to be a line of ladies ready to tap that!
Dressing Sharp For Larger Men
Once you accept your shape, then you can work within it.
Too many people who are concerned about their weight try to dress to conceal it, usually wearing clothes that are too big and loose. The problem is that all this does is draw attention to the fact that you’re trying to hide things – and making you look worse in the process. When you’re overweight, you’re already dealing with the stereotype of being sloppy and lazy; trying to get by in nothing but sports jerseys and relaxed-fit jeans just confirms it in the eyes of others.
J’accuse !
You want to wear clothes that actually fit you . Even if you’re big, wearing clothes that fit properly will flatter your profile and make you look more attractive. Yes, I realize that you’re sensitive to people noticing your stomach or your nech. I realize that baggy clothes seem more comfortable. Trust me: clothes that fit right may feel odd at first but you’ll quickly start to realize how much better it feels when your clothes support you instead of trying to conceal you.
You want simple clothes that define your shape rather than just hang. Bold prints are a bad idea as they tend to draw attention to your size. You’ll do better to dress in solid, uniform colors that will unify your silhouette. Contrasting colors – a dark shirt over light pants, for example – provide a visual break and draw attention to the lines of your body, making you look even larger.
You want fitted shirts rather than simple box-cuts; these will fit your build better instead of looking baggy and shapeless. Whenever possible, you also want a spread collar; a narrow collar will just emphasize the width of your face. Similarly, you want straight-leg jeans instead of relaxed fit and everybody wants flat-front slacks. Whenever possible, you want thinner materials; cashmere sweaters in the cold are much better suited for the larger gent rather than a chunky cardigan. Jackets – especially dark wash denim or sport coats can help provide shape and definition. Opt for three-button blazers; they lengthen your silhouette nicely and avoid pulling at your clothes. Vests are also a good idea; the V shape flatters your torso and draws attention to your chest instead of your neck or midsection, plus add a bit of natty stylishness; it’s hard to call someone sloppy when they’re wearing a sharp vest.
Larger accessories also help by keeping everything in proportion; the trend to oversized watches works in your favor here.
Now having said all that…
Eat Better and Exercise
Yes, I realize that I said earlier that diet and exercise isn’t the ticket to being skinny. This isn’t about losing weight, this is about being healthy. The average American diet is fucking horrible. We eat far too much processed food, drink far too little water and on the whole don’t get nearly enough exercise. This doesn’t just contribute to weight issues but to depression, mood-swings, digestive issues, poor sleeping habits and a weakened immune system.
Plus: eating like shit? Makes you ugly. Beyond the common junk-food boogieman of acne, a shitty diet makes your skin look sallow while your hair gets lank and brittle.
Changing up your diet is one of the easiest and best ways to improve not just your health but your skin-tone, hair, energy level and mental outlook. Whether or not you lose weight is secondary compared to the other benefits.
Ideally, you want to eat as clean as possible; that is, you want to avoid high-fructose corn syrup (which is, admittedly, difficult as hell) and all processed food and beverages, including diet sodas – my own personal vice. You also want to avoid simple and refined carbohydrates as much as possible – this includes white flour and sugar while ensuring that your diet is heavy on green leafy vegetables, lean proteins and complex carbohydrates.
It can be difficult – most processed foods are specifically designed to be addictive and salt, fat and sugar have similar effects on the brain to cocaine and heroin – but the overall results are worth it . A cheat day per week, where you allow yourself to eat what you’d like makes it easier to eat healthily 90% of the time without losing your goddamn monkey mind.
You also want to exercise more. The average American lifestyle is profoundly sedentary; we spend the better part of our lives just sitting in place when we’re designed for movement . Just as with a healthier diet, increased exercise has benefits above and beyond simple weight-loss; exercise helps release endorphins into your blood, improving your mood as well as your creative output.
Also, I’m going to be honest here: the stereotype of a fat man is someone who gets sweaty just looking at stairs and can barely walk five feet without gasping for breath and needing a break. This is unattractive under the best of circumstances, but doubly so if you’re already large. If this is you, then you definitely need to hit the gym. Being active and exercising will build up your endurance and cut down on jokes about having a heart attack from the strain of picking up your mail. Making the transition between “fat” and “Large and strong” can make all the difference in the way you see yourself.
You don’t necessarily need to hit the gym three or four times a week – forcing yourself to do exercises you hate is only going to make you quit. You just need to find activities that you enjoy that provide a cardiovascular benefit whether it’s jogging, playing sports, kayaking, bicycling, walking or studying martial arts.
There’s nothing quite as satisfying as pounding on the heavy bag like you’re beating on some motherfucker who REALLY needs his face pushed in.
You also want to be doing more weight lifting. Most people who start an exercise program tend to focus on cardiovascular exercise without including a weight training regimen, which is a mistake. Weight training acts as a booster to the benefits you gain from cardio, adding intensity to your workouts and improving the overall results. Weight-training exercises do wonders for your physical health, improving joint function, circulation and muscle tone. If you’re heavier than you’d like to be, developing more muscle helps increase your basal metabolic rate, increasing the amount of calories you burn just by being awake and semi-active.
If you lose weight, then great. But whether you do or you don’t, a proper diet and exercise will help improve your life overall . making you feel better and giving you increased confidence.
And we know how women feel about confidence …
Don’t Hide Yourself
One of the common mistakes I’ve seen fat guys make is to either make excuses for their size or attempt to laugh it off by making jokes about cushioning or how much more there is for people to love. Both of these approaches are mistakes; they betray a sense of insecurity. Making jokes about your size is almost always a defense mechanism, trying to get the insult in before anybody else does to take the sting out of it… and it just calls attention to the fact that you’re big and you feel awkward about it.
The key is simply to not bring it up at all . You’re big, you know it, she knows it. Presenting yourself as though you’re simply not ashamed of yourself is far more attractive than trying to armor yourself up with jokes.
Don’t get me wrong: humor is attractive… but defensive or self-deprecating humor goes from “funny” to “really kind of pitiful” very quickly. The last thing you want to do is send off signals about how you hate yourself.
To that end: it’s important that you maintain proper body language. Big guys will tend to try to minimize themselves and hide their stomachs by slouching or curling in to not take up as much space. Standing up straight with your shoulders back will speak more to your confidence – a far more attractive trait – than constantly seeming as though you’re apologizing for existing.
Similarly: don’t hold back and try to fade into the background until someone approaches you. A wide, genuine smile and a hearty laugh and a willingness to make conversation makes you a more appealing figure; it turns you from “who’s that fat guy” to “who’s that fun guy everyone wants to talk to?”
Don’t Sweat The Haters
Cold hard truth time: there are going to be people who are going to dislike you off the bat for being large. There will be women who roll their eyes at you for “daring” to come up to talk to them. There will be guys who try to squeeze you out by making jokes about you being huge. There will be people who are going to mock you for the temerity for thinking that you can be attractive.
That’s actually a benefit in disguise. It’s always handy when the assholes self-identify so that you know that you can safely disregard their opinions as bullshit.
Yes, it’s easy to say “grow a thicker skin” in response to the abuse that gets heaped upon you… but that doesn’t mean that it’s not necessary. There are assholes out there who live for causing other people misery. There will be days when it seems like everyone is determined to shit all over you, personally . But in the end, their opinions don’t fucking matter. They’re showing themselves to be fuckheads, so why should you gift them with the power to hurt you? Why should you care about what some fuckhead thinks?
“Hold on. I’m getting ready to try to find some fucks to give.”
The women who reject you are especially giving you a gift – they’re letting you know right off the bat that you don’t need to waste your time on them. Each woman who reacts badly to you is one more person you never have to think about again. giving you more time to find someone who gets you and wants what you have to offer.
Look: you’re going to get rejected. That’s part of dating. You’re going to get rejected by women you approach, even women who may like you platonically. The thing is: this happens to everyone, fat or skinny, tall or short. Even the hottest men out there get shot down – I’ve watched legendary lady killers put their best moves on women only to see them go home alone.
The answer to haters is perseverance. The answer to rejection is to try more, to date more.
There are people out there who are looking for a guy like you. Don’t make it harder for them to find you.
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