Ten Great Things about Dating in Your 40s and 50s
For those of you in your 40s or 50s who are recently divorced, widowed, or just eager to re-partner, dating again can be daunting. Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve been “on the market”. You may want to think and act like a 25-year-old, but your seasoning tells another tale and may actually improve the chances for success.
The truth is that dating does change when you get older…and, in many ways, for the better. The paradox is that your maturity offers you many advantages over the youthful daters. Here’s why.
1. There is no ticking of the biological clock . Without the pressures of getting married and having children, you can enter into relationships for the “right” reasons, not because you are running out of fertile years.
2. Men and women in their 40s and 50s are generally more self-assured. They know what they want out of a relationship, what they are looking for in a mate and are not afraid to ask for it.
3. Your identity is more clearly defined. You are, therefore, more likely to depend on yourself, not your partner, to solve your own dilemmas.
4. You have learned from your previous relationship experiences . You can take inventory of what time has taught you so that you do not fall into old traps. Knowing yourself better and being able to size up others more skillfully gives you a big advantage.
5. You likely have greater financial freedom to enjoy fancy dinners and getaways. The days of scraping together enough money for a movie are over!
6. Romance is more enjoyable. You are more sexually confident and liberated than you were in your youth.
7. You have figured out what is important. You can put away the “list” of perfect characteristics that you are seeking in your date. Physical appearance, the type of car one drives and other status symbols take a back seat to more important personal attributes.
8. You have gained perspective. Not every aspect of your romantic life feels critical.
9. Your personal power is solid and secure . You have won and you have lost. You have made friends and let them go when they were not supportive. You can handle life’s ups and downs with grace.
10. As two independent people with separate lives, you are probably more capable than your younger counterparts to nurture the three entities needed for a healthy partnership; “I,” “You,” and “We.”
With enhanced self-awareness and father/mother-time on your side, there is a greater likelihood that you will make better choices, avoid previous destructive patterns, and build more lasting relationships. However, in some respects dating in your 40s and 50s is quite similar to dating in your 20s and 30s. The following are some common sense dating principles that apply across the generations.
1. Profit from your past mistakes . Know what baggage to check at the door. History has a way of repeating itself unless you mindfully replace your old dependencies and fears with new patterns of behavior.
2. Be proactive in creating opportunities. Whether you are engaging in online dating or joining a group where you will meet people with similar interests, don’t wait for something to happen. Seek out as many opportunities as possible.
3 . Recognize the power you have to be successful in your dating pursuits and use it. Seek out people who interest you, with eye contact, a smile or a simple “hello” rather than waiting for them to choose you.
4. Don’t waste time with people who don’t treat you well.
5. Even if you are not interested, be kind and respectful to people who show an interest in you.
6. Try not to focus heavily on the negatives . Not everything your date says or does will sit well with you. Try to see your potential partner as a whole person, recognizing the things you find endearing as well as the ones you see as negative.
7. Communicate. Silence is not always safe. Don’t assume you and your partner see things in the same way or that your partner can read your mind. Take ownership of what is yours and communicate it honestly and directly.
8. Don’t assume the worst . Moments will arise when your judgment about your partner will be put to the test. Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. Like you, your partner is imperfect and deserves the benefit of the doubt.
9. Don’t rain on your partner’s parade. It is not possible that your “I” and your partner’s “I” will be perfectly compatible. Keep in mind that a good relationship is based on each person’s ability to be supportive of those differences.
Those of you in your 40s and 50s are in a wonderful period of your lives. You are beyond the confusion of your 20s and 30s and have clarified many of your major life values. Your priorities are in order and you know the benefits of being real. Go for it! You are in the driver’s seat!
What do you like about dating as you get older?
Author of the recently released book, “Who Am I Without My Partner? Post-Divorce Healing and Rediscovering Your SELF ,” Deborah Hecker, Ph. D. is a psychotherapist with over 35 years of private practice experience. She received her Master’s Degree from Columbia University and her Ph. D. from The Union Institute. In addition, she is certified as a psychoanalyst and has extensive training in the following areas: addiction counseling, grief counseling, collaborative practice and mediation. For more information, please visit www. drdeborahhecker. com .
Senior Dating, or Over 40 dating with MatureFreeAndSingle. com
MFS is a unique senior dating site, because it is founded and run by a husband-and-wife team who met online and were passionate about improving people’s online dating experience. The site was founded on core values that we think everybody wants to live by: honesty, openness, great value for money and loads of fun along the way!
You may have tried other dating sites, or this may be your first time. Whenever you join an internet dating site, you should look out for the following things:
Are they like a “ dating supermarket ”, or do they cater for people like me specifically? It’s easy to get lost in a large dating site, and that’s why we set up MFS in the first place. We cater specifically for the over 40s, which means that you can rest assured we have members whose aspirations and values are the same as yours.
Do they have an active database of members that is constantly changing? MFS has seen wonderful success in the years since we launched, and that is because we give our members a quality and valued service. Inside, you will find over 40s and over 50s singles from all across the UK, and we are confident you will make new friends and (if you are looking) new romances too.
Do they have a healthy split between male and female members . The split between dating males and dating females on MFS is 47% men, and 53% women, a much more balanced membership than many dating sites. With us, you have a much better chance of dating older women, dating senior women or dating senior men than anywhere else.
Do they actively try to prevent fraud, timewasters & scammers . Our Customer Services team monitor all profiles that enter the site. This ensures we have the right kind of senior singles using our site, and we keep the scammers and fraudsters at bay.
Do they have the best customer support . We have a large Customer Services team based here in the UK, and you can contact them by telephone and email whenever you have any queries about dating, your account, or our services in general
Do they offer FREE basic membership . On MFS, you can join, browse and set up your profile totally free. When it comes to getting in touch and using our other services, you are required to pay a monthly membership. Totally free senior dating sites are great, but tend to have a higher rate of timewasters and scammers on them. On MFS, by paying a membership, you can rest assured that all our senior singles dating are genuine and serious about meeting someone else.
We are constantly striving to improve our service for you. If you have any ideas about how we can make things better, or if you just want to get in touch, please don’t hesitate to get in touch .
If you are over 40 and single in the UK, we have more members local to you than you may think. Here are the areas in the UK we cover so far:
Find senior singles near you.
Dating in Your 40s
Dating can be intimidating and overwhelming — and maybe even terrifying — for anyone, no matter your age. While dating after 40 might appear to have its unique set of challenges, it doesn’t have to be something to be dreaded. After all, 40 is the new 30.
Dating in Your Forties: Take Your Time
Don’t let a sense of urgency or the proverbial ticking clock impair your dating judgment. Use that wisdom that comes with age to carefully assess what you need — and to identify any red flags and non-negotiables that appear early on.
If you’re coming out of a marriage or long-term relationship, don’t rush back into dating if you’re not emotionally ready for someone new. To date successfully you can’t be holding your dinner companion responsible for the sins of an ex. Give your date a fair chance, not comparing him to those who’ve come before.
A date is just that: a date. Try not to rush the get-to-know-each-other process. It can take a few dates to know if there’s potential for something to develop between two people.
Dating in Your Forties: Be Honest
While it’s important to be patient when getting to know someone, you don’t have to waste time in the wrong relationship. Be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship from the beginning.
An advantage to dating later in life is that you should know yourself better than you did in your younger years. You know what matters most to you and can identify your priorities and passions. Be honest about what they are. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t support you in those.
Even before you start dating again, think about what you want. Be specific about what you’re looking for — and who you are — on your dating profile. Share your thoughts with a friend who can hold you accountable to not settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
Dress and act your age. Be real. Trying to be someone you’re not will only hurt you in the long run. The best dating advice to anyone at any age is just to be yourself.
Dating in Your Forties: Enlist Friends
Speaking of friends, ask for help. Let people support your dating journey. Welcome blind dates set up by friends. Double date with a couple you respect. Be honest and open with trusted loved ones that you’re looking for love. They’ll be there to encourage you when you’re discouraged and to rejoice with you when love comes around.
Dating in Your Forties: Stay Positive
Focus on the positive. You may not like the toll time — and gravity — has taken on your body, but what about yourself do you still love? Boost your confidence by dressing to enhance your favorite features.
Look back at your former self and identify how you’ve changed for the better. Maybe you’re now more laid back. Maybe you’ve become more patient, more direct, or more ambitious with time. Celebrate what you have to offer.
You’re still young at heart, so lighten up and have fun. Smile. Let the pursuit of love be an adventure.
Dating in Your Forties: Consider the Kids
Kids are often a factor when dating in your forties. If you have kids, use discretion as to when it’s most appropriate to introduce them to someone new. If they’re young, it’s important to keep them from bonding prematurely with your date if you’re not yet in a committed relationship. If they’re older, talk to them about what’s going on, and let them voice their concerns. Kids need to know that you’re a parent first and that they’re still your priority, even when you’re going on dates and spending time away from them.
If you don’t have kids and your date does, are you okay with the possibility of taking on a stepparent role in the future? If you don’t have kids and want them, are you willing to walk away from a relationship if he doesn’t?
Dating in Your Forties: Take Risks
You may be a little intimidated by the dating scene, but don’t let those dating insecurities get in your way. Choose to be bold and fearless. Know your strengths, enlist a friend who’s good at pep talks to encourage you, and take a few chances. Maybe it’s time that you made the first move for a change.
Be up for change and try something new. Look outside your dating “type.” Date a little older or younger than you usually would. Take up a new hobby, enroll in a class, or just shake up your daily routine. Don’t get stuck in life. Take a few (calculated) risks. You’ll meet new people, learn things about yourself, and collect new stories to tell. Maybe you’ll even find love in the process.
South Africa's Premier Dating Service For Over 40's
Online dating over 40 continues to grow in popularity in South Africa and statistics indicate that it is actually one the fastest growing sectors in the online dating world. Dating for over 40s online as a whole has far progressed beyond the awkward and limited old-fashioned ways of meeting people who are more mature and know what desires they seek at this time of their lives. Most over 40s men and women that are single today are turning to internet dating in search of a partner. Perhaps their personal situation which in most cases may have been derived from a divorce are finding that the traditional ways of meeting single people that seek relationships and romance may not be working for them due to time, effort and money in most cases. It is certainly far more affordable and cost-effective to find say; women over 40 or single ladies on reputable and trusted over 40s dating sites like 40.co. za, than for example; go out time and again to various places like bars, pubs or clubs in the hope of finding suitable dating partners .
Most single women over 40 complain of not being able to find Mr. Right. Men over 40 also seem to find it difficult to find single 40s women in most cases because of their work schedule and the general demands of today’s busy schedules. Perhaps they are single parents and that too may prove to be rather challenging in finding a partner that understands and can accept them. In general there are allot of people over 40 that know what they do and do not want in a partner. This is why 40s dating through this dating site could be just the answer. Within minutes of signing up for free, you could actually be meeting other likeminded over 40 women and men that are also wanting to meet you. What is really great about 40 dating is that you can narrow the search to your specific likes and preferences in finding your perfect match. There are other really cool tools and features that you can use on the site to allow you to better screen your prospective partners too!
Become a member of 40.co. za and learn more about 40 plus dating. Singles dating in their forties have a better chance of meeting that special person with 40.co. za because of the massive database of dating personals. Whether you Joburg dating. dating in Durban. dating Cape Town or dating in South Africa in general, you are bound to find the right person in your area.
40.co. za is South Africa's premier 40s dating site and matchmaker on the internet and has been created to introduce you to compatible local 40s singles for 40s dating in your area! Ideal for adults seeking relationships and romance in their forties, dating over 40, 40s plus, 40s Online dating, 40s Single dating, Active 40s singles, 40 year old Athletic singles, 40s Jewish singles, 40s Asian singles, 40s Black singles, Dating Executive Singles in their 40s, Dating Professionals in their 40's, 40s Dating After Divorce. 40s Executive Dating. 40s Executive Dating Service, 40s Christian Dating, 40s Black Christian Dating. 40s Christian Men. 40s Christian Women. 40s Single Parent Dating. Single Women in their 40s, Single Men in their 40s, 40s Dating. 40 Singles, Single 40s.
Dating in Your 40s
Dating can be intimidating and overwhelming — and maybe even terrifying — for anyone, no matter your age. While dating after 40 might appear to have its unique set of challenges, it doesn’t have to be something to be dreaded. After all, 40 is the new 30.
Don’t let a sense of urgency or the proverbial ticking clock impair your dating judgment. Use that wisdom that comes with age to carefully assess what you need — and to identify any red flags and non-negotiables that appear early on.
If you’re coming out of a marriage or long-term relationship, don’t rush back into dating if you’re not emotionally ready for someone new. To date successfully you can’t be holding your dinner companion responsible for the sins of an ex. Give your date a fair chance, not comparing him to those who’ve come before.
A date is just that: a date. Try not to rush the get-to-know-each-other process. It can take a few dates to know if there’s potential for something to develop between two people.
While it’s important to be patient when getting to know someone, you don’t have to waste time in the wrong relationship. Be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship from the beginning.
An advantage to dating later in life is that you should know yourself better than you did in your younger years. You know what matters most to you and can identify your priorities and passions. Be honest about what they are. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t support you in those.
READ: 5 Pitfalls to Dating Older or Younger
Even before you start dating again, think about what you want. Be specific about what you’re looking for — and who you are — on your dating profile. Share your thoughts with a friend who can hold you accountable to not settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
Dress and act your age. Be real. Trying to be someone you’re not will only hurt you in the long run. The best dating advice to anyone at any age is just to be yourself.
Speaking of friends, ask for help. Let people support your dating journey. Welcome blind dates set up by friends. Double date with a couple you respect. Be honest and open with trusted loved ones that you’re looking for love. They’ll be there to encourage you when you’re discouraged and to rejoice with you when love comes around.
Focus on the positive. You may not like the toll time — and gravity — has taken on your body, but what about yourself do you still love? Boost your confidence by dressing to enhance your favorite features.
Look back at your former self and identify how you’ve changed for the better. Maybe you’re now more laid back. Maybe you’ve become more patient, more direct, or more ambitious with time. Celebrate what you have to offer.
You’re still young at heart, so lighten up and have fun. Smile. Let the pursuit of love be an adventure.
Kids are often a factor when dating in your forties. If you have kids, use discretion as to when it’s most appropriate to introduce them to someone new. If they’re young, it’s important to keep them from bonding prematurely with your date if you’re not yet in a committed relationship. If they’re older, talk to them about what’s going on, and let them voice their concerns. Kids need to know that you’re a parent first and that they’re still your priority, even when you’re going on dates and spending time away from them.
READ: How to Introduce Your Kids to Your Date
If you don’t have kids and your date does, are you okay with the possibility of taking on a stepparent role in the future? If you don’t have kids and want them, are you willing to walk away from a relationship if he doesn’t?
You may be a little intimidated by the dating scene, but don’t let those dating insecurities get in your way. Choose to be bold and fearless. Know your strengths, enlist a friend who’s good at pep talks to encourage you, and take a few chances. Maybe it’s time that you made the first move for a change.
Be up for change and try something new. Look outside your dating “type.” Date a little older or younger than you usually would. Take up a new hobby, enroll in a class, or just shake up your daily routine. Don’t get stuck in life. Take a few (calculated) risks. You’ll meet new people, learn things about yourself, and collect new stories to tell. Maybe you’ll even find love in the process.
Your Body Beautiful: Clockstopping Secrets to Staying Healthy, Strong, and Sexy in Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond Paperback – December 31, 2012
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I had seen Dr. Ashton on Dr. Oz and was piqued by her 2 minute segment on women's
Senior Dating, or Over 40 dating with MatureFreeAndSingle. com
MFS is a unique senior dating site, because it is founded and run by a husband-and-wife team who met online and were passionate about improving people’s online dating experience. The site was founded on core values that we think everybody wants to live by: honesty, openness, great value for money and loads of fun along the way!
You may have tried other dating sites, or this may be your first time. Whenever you join an internet dating site, you should look out for the following things:
Are they like a “ dating supermarket ”, or do they cater for people like me specifically? It’s easy to get lost in a large dating site, and that’s why we set up MFS in the first place. We cater specifically for the over 40s, which means that you can rest assured we have members whose aspirations and values are the same as yours.
Do they have an active database of members that is constantly changing? MFS has seen wonderful success in the years since we launched, and that is because we give our members a quality and valued service. Inside, you will find over 40s and over 50s singles from all across the UK, and we are confident you will make new friends and (if you are looking) new romances too.
Do they have a healthy split between male and female members . The split between dating males and dating females on MFS is 47% men, and 53% women, a much more balanced membership than many dating sites. With us, you have a much better chance of dating older women, dating senior women or dating senior men than anywhere else.
Do they actively try to prevent fraud, timewasters & scammers . Our Customer Services team monitor all profiles that enter the site. This ensures we have the right kind of senior singles using our site, and we keep the scammers and fraudsters at bay.
Do they have the best customer support . We have a large Customer Services team based here in the UK, and you can contact them by telephone and email whenever you have any queries about dating, your account, or our services in general
Do they offer FREE basic membership . On MFS, you can join, browse and set up your profile totally free. When it comes to getting in touch and using our other services, you are required to pay a monthly membership. Totally free senior dating sites are great, but tend to have a higher rate of timewasters and scammers on them. On MFS, by paying a membership, you can rest assured that all our senior singles dating are genuine and serious about meeting someone else.
We are constantly striving to improve our service for you. If you have any ideas about how we can make things better, or if you just want to get in touch, please don’t hesitate to get in touch .
If you are over 40 and single in the UK, we have more members local to you than you may think. Here are the areas in the UK we cover so far:
Find senior singles near you.
South Africa's Premier Dating Service For Over 40's
Online dating over 40 continues to grow in popularity in South Africa and statistics indicate that it is actually one the fastest growing sectors in the online dating world. Dating for over 40s online as a whole has far progressed beyond the awkward and limited old-fashioned ways of meeting people who are more mature and know what desires they seek at this time of their lives. Most over 40s men and women that are single today are turning to internet dating in search of a partner. Perhaps their personal situation which in most cases may have been derived from a divorce are finding that the traditional ways of meeting single people that seek relationships and romance may not be working for them due to time, effort and money in most cases. It is certainly far more affordable and cost-effective to find say; women over 40 or single ladies on reputable and trusted over 40s dating sites like 40.co. za, than for example; go out time and again to various places like bars, pubs or clubs in the hope of finding suitable dating partners .
Most single women over 40 complain of not being able to find Mr. Right. Men over 40 also seem to find it difficult to find single 40s women in most cases because of their work schedule and the general demands of today’s busy schedules. Perhaps they are single parents and that too may prove to be rather challenging in finding a partner that understands and can accept them. In general there are allot of people over 40 that know what they do and do not want in a partner. This is why 40s dating through this dating site could be just the answer. Within minutes of signing up for free, you could actually be meeting other likeminded over 40 women and men that are also wanting to meet you. What is really great about 40 dating is that you can narrow the search to your specific likes and preferences in finding your perfect match. There are other really cool tools and features that you can use on the site to allow you to better screen your prospective partners too!
Become a member of 40.co. za and learn more about 40 plus dating. Singles dating in their forties have a better chance of meeting that special person with 40.co. za because of the massive database of dating personals. Whether you Joburg dating. dating in Durban. dating Cape Town or dating in South Africa in general, you are bound to find the right person in your area.
40.co. za is South Africa's premier 40s dating site and matchmaker on the internet and has been created to introduce you to compatible local 40s singles for 40s dating in your area! Ideal for adults seeking relationships and romance in their forties, dating over 40, 40s plus, 40s Online dating, 40s Single dating, Active 40s singles, 40 year old Athletic singles, 40s Jewish singles, 40s Asian singles, 40s Black singles, Dating Executive Singles in their 40s, Dating Professionals in their 40's, 40s Dating After Divorce. 40s Executive Dating. 40s Executive Dating Service, 40s Christian Dating, 40s Black Christian Dating. 40s Christian Men. 40s Christian Women. 40s Single Parent Dating. Single Women in their 40s, Single Men in their 40s, 40s Dating. 40 Singles, Single 40s.
Dating in Your 40s
Dating can be intimidating and overwhelming — and maybe even terrifying — for anyone, no matter your age. While dating after 40 might appear to have its unique set of challenges, it doesn’t have to be something to be dreaded. After all, 40 is the new 30.
Dating in Your Forties: Take Your Time
Don’t let a sense of urgency or the proverbial ticking clock impair your dating judgment. Use that wisdom that comes with age to carefully assess what you need — and to identify any red flags and non-negotiables that appear early on.
If you’re coming out of a marriage or long-term relationship, don’t rush back into dating if you’re not emotionally ready for someone new. To date successfully you can’t be holding your dinner companion responsible for the sins of an ex. Give your date a fair chance, not comparing him to those who’ve come before.
A date is just that: a date. Try not to rush the get-to-know-each-other process. It can take a few dates to know if there’s potential for something to develop between two people.
Dating in Your Forties: Be Honest
While it’s important to be patient when getting to know someone, you don’t have to waste time in the wrong relationship. Be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship from the beginning.
An advantage to dating later in life is that you should know yourself better than you did in your younger years. You know what matters most to you and can identify your priorities and passions. Be honest about what they are. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t support you in those.
Even before you start dating again, think about what you want. Be specific about what you’re looking for — and who you are — on your dating profile. Share your thoughts with a friend who can hold you accountable to not settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
Dress and act your age. Be real. Trying to be someone you’re not will only hurt you in the long run. The best dating advice to anyone at any age is just to be yourself.
Dating in Your Forties: Enlist Friends
Speaking of friends, ask for help. Let people support your dating journey. Welcome blind dates set up by friends. Double date with a couple you respect. Be honest and open with trusted loved ones that you’re looking for love. They’ll be there to encourage you when you’re discouraged and to rejoice with you when love comes around.
Dating in Your Forties: Stay Positive
Focus on the positive. You may not like the toll time — and gravity — has taken on your body, but what about yourself do you still love? Boost your confidence by dressing to enhance your favorite features.
Look back at your former self and identify how you’ve changed for the better. Maybe you’re now more laid back. Maybe you’ve become more patient, more direct, or more ambitious with time. Celebrate what you have to offer.
You’re still young at heart, so lighten up and have fun. Smile. Let the pursuit of love be an adventure.
Dating in Your Forties: Consider the Kids
Kids are often a factor when dating in your forties. If you have kids, use discretion as to when it’s most appropriate to introduce them to someone new. If they’re young, it’s important to keep them from bonding prematurely with your date if you’re not yet in a committed relationship. If they’re older, talk to them about what’s going on, and let them voice their concerns. Kids need to know that you’re a parent first and that they’re still your priority, even when you’re going on dates and spending time away from them.
If you don’t have kids and your date does, are you okay with the possibility of taking on a stepparent role in the future? If you don’t have kids and want them, are you willing to walk away from a relationship if he doesn’t?
Dating in Your Forties: Take Risks
You may be a little intimidated by the dating scene, but don’t let those dating insecurities get in your way. Choose to be bold and fearless. Know your strengths, enlist a friend who’s good at pep talks to encourage you, and take a few chances. Maybe it’s time that you made the first move for a change.
Be up for change and try something new. Look outside your dating “type.” Date a little older or younger than you usually would. Take up a new hobby, enroll in a class, or just shake up your daily routine. Don’t get stuck in life. Take a few (calculated) risks. You’ll meet new people, learn things about yourself, and collect new stories to tell. Maybe you’ll even find love in the process.
Ten Great Things about Dating in Your 40s and 50s
For those of you in your 40s or 50s who are recently divorced, widowed, or just eager to re-partner, dating again can be daunting. Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve been “on the market”. You may want to think and act like a 25-year-old, but your seasoning tells another tale and may actually improve the chances for success.
The truth is that dating does change when you get older…and, in many ways, for the better. The paradox is that your maturity offers you many advantages over the youthful daters. Here’s why.
1. There is no ticking of the biological clock . Without the pressures of getting married and having children, you can enter into relationships for the “right” reasons, not because you are running out of fertile years.
2. Men and women in their 40s and 50s are generally more self-assured. They know what they want out of a relationship, what they are looking for in a mate and are not afraid to ask for it.
3. Your identity is more clearly defined. You are, therefore, more likely to depend on yourself, not your partner, to solve your own dilemmas.
4. You have learned from your previous relationship experiences . You can take inventory of what time has taught you so that you do not fall into old traps. Knowing yourself better and being able to size up others more skillfully gives you a big advantage.
5. You likely have greater financial freedom to enjoy fancy dinners and getaways. The days of scraping together enough money for a movie are over!
6. Romance is more enjoyable. You are more sexually confident and liberated than you were in your youth.
7. You have figured out what is important. You can put away the “list” of perfect characteristics that you are seeking in your date. Physical appearance, the type of car one drives and other status symbols take a back seat to more important personal attributes.
8. You have gained perspective. Not every aspect of your romantic life feels critical.
9. Your personal power is solid and secure . You have won and you have lost. You have made friends and let them go when they were not supportive. You can handle life’s ups and downs with grace.
10. As two independent people with separate lives, you are probably more capable than your younger counterparts to nurture the three entities needed for a healthy partnership; “I,” “You,” and “We.”
With enhanced self-awareness and father/mother-time on your side, there is a greater likelihood that you will make better choices, avoid previous destructive patterns, and build more lasting relationships. However, in some respects dating in your 40s and 50s is quite similar to dating in your 20s and 30s. The following are some common sense dating principles that apply across the generations.
1. Profit from your past mistakes . Know what baggage to check at the door. History has a way of repeating itself unless you mindfully replace your old dependencies and fears with new patterns of behavior.
2. Be proactive in creating opportunities. Whether you are engaging in online dating or joining a group where you will meet people with similar interests, don’t wait for something to happen. Seek out as many opportunities as possible.
3 . Recognize the power you have to be successful in your dating pursuits and use it. Seek out people who interest you, with eye contact, a smile or a simple “hello” rather than waiting for them to choose you.
4. Don’t waste time with people who don’t treat you well.
5. Even if you are not interested, be kind and respectful to people who show an interest in you.
6. Try not to focus heavily on the negatives . Not everything your date says or does will sit well with you. Try to see your potential partner as a whole person, recognizing the things you find endearing as well as the ones you see as negative.
7. Communicate. Silence is not always safe. Don’t assume you and your partner see things in the same way or that your partner can read your mind. Take ownership of what is yours and communicate it honestly and directly.
8. Don’t assume the worst . Moments will arise when your judgment about your partner will be put to the test. Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. Like you, your partner is imperfect and deserves the benefit of the doubt.
9. Don’t rain on your partner’s parade. It is not possible that your “I” and your partner’s “I” will be perfectly compatible. Keep in mind that a good relationship is based on each person’s ability to be supportive of those differences.
Those of you in your 40s and 50s are in a wonderful period of your lives. You are beyond the confusion of your 20s and 30s and have clarified many of your major life values. Your priorities are in order and you know the benefits of being real. Go for it! You are in the driver’s seat!
What do you like about dating as you get older?
Author of the recently released book, “Who Am I Without My Partner? Post-Divorce Healing and Rediscovering Your SELF ,” Deborah Hecker, Ph. D. is a psychotherapist with over 35 years of private practice experience. She received her Master’s Degree from Columbia University and her Ph. D. from The Union Institute. In addition, she is certified as a psychoanalyst and has extensive training in the following areas: addiction counseling, grief counseling, collaborative practice and mediation. For more information, please visit www. drdeborahhecker. com .
Your Body Beautiful: Clockstopping Secrets to Staying Healthy, Strong, and Sexy in Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond Paperback – December 31, 2012
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