Dating divorced women

5 Reasons Divorced Women Get Married Quicker

Divorced? Of course!

Some of you mistakenly feel that because your marriage(s) ended, you’re at a disadvantage. Ladies, nothing could be further from the truth. To be honest, and you know I’m never anything but, divorced girls have a huge advantage. Think about all your invaluable experience! You’re not some starry-eyed twenty-something who runs home crying to mommy the first time your husband criticizes you. You know what it takes to make a relationship work, and what will make it crash and burn. You know how to love and how not to love.

Men are more likely to look at a never-been-married woman over thirty-five and ask, “What’s wrong with her?” than they are to say the same thing about a similarly aged woman who is divorced. At least you tried — at least someone picked you. You get big brownie points for this. It sounds harsh to those of us who have never been married, but it’s true and the truth hurts me as much as anyone else, because, as you know, I’ve never been married. I know what men say about me.

Divorced ladies, for all the trauma and heartbreak you’ve been through, consider the hard-fought advantages you’ve won:

1. You’re better able to weed out the losers. You’ve been in the program before, you know all the signs, both good and bad, so you’re better able to assess if he’ll make a good husband.

2. You can discern his interest level, and your own, much quicker. You don’t waste time kidding yourself that this might work if you just give it one more shot. Experience has made you a realist.

3. You’re not desperate. You know that, yes, you can recover from a heartbreak, and, no, he’s not the last man on earth. You also know that it’s better to be alone and happy than in a crappy relationship.

4. Your stock is higher because you’ve been picked. Men register this in their minds, whether consciously or subconsciously. And if your ex-husband was someone prominent in your community, your stock goes up even higher.

5. You have more realistic expectations. Men love this, because they don’t feel the pressure to be perfect. They know that you’ve seen a man in gross old underwear before and accepted him, warts and all.

These are among the reasons divorced women tend to get married again quicker than a woman of the same age who has never been married. The never-been-married woman deliberates for freaking ever!

Get more dating and relationship advice in Become Your Own Matchmaker by Patti Stanger.

About the Author

Patti Stanger is the author of Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate and the star and executive producer of her own television show, The Millionaire Matchmaker, on Bravo. Her wildly successful matchmaking efforts have been featured on E. MTV, Dateline, Dr. Phil, Ellen, Tyra, NBC News, The Big Idea with Donnie Deutsch and numerous other television shows, as well as in Marie Claire, Elle, Glamour, the New York Times, Forbes, The National Enquirer, the Washington Post and many more.

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Take a look inside the book Become Your Own Matchmaker

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Top Ten Dating Red Flags for Divorced Women

Your divorce is over and you are ready to get out there and start dating again. You are both excited about the possibilities and terrified that you will find a loser. Chances are you will meet some wonderful – and not so wonderful – men during your journey. Your responsibility is to know exactly what you want in a man and to keep your eyes open for potential red flags.

Dating Red Flag #1 – Is He Wealthy?

He spends money frivolously and likes to flash wads of money. He drives an expensive, fast fancy car, wears a rolex and expensive jewelry, clothing and other accessories. He lavishes you at the finest of restaurants and is always bragging about how much money he has.

Questions to ask yourself:

Could he be pretending he is wealthy to impress you?

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Dating Red Flag #2 – Is He Broke?

He conveniently disappears when the check arrives and leaves you to pay. He never offers to pay for anything. Everywhere he takes you is somewhere free. He expects you to drive and never offers to pay for gas. He tends to show up at your house every evening for dinner.

Questions to ask yourself:

Does he work?

Where is he living?

Is he just a cheapskate?

Dating Red Flag #3 – What Does He Do?

You have been dating for a month or two and he has yet to articulate what he does for a living. He appears nice enough, but conveniently avoids answering personal questions about himself. He may say things like, “I am a jack of all trades,” “I make money in a variety of ways” or “It’s complicated.”

Questions to ask yourself:

What is he hiding?

Is he married?

Is he doing something illegal?

Dating Red Flag #4 – How Many Mamas?

You’re dating someone a little older. He admits to having several children with various women.

Questions to ask yourself:

Were the mama’s pregnant at the same time?

Is he actively involved in the children’s lives?

Are you willing to put up with the drama? (especially if there are young children involved.)

Dating Red Flag #5 – Where Does He Live?

You just find out the man you have been dating is living with his mom or in his sister’s basement. Another scenario could be that he crashes with various friends or lives with a couple of women.

Questions to ask yourself:

What are the circumstances?

How long has he been living like this?

Does he have a solid plan to venture out on his own?

Dating Red Flag #6 – He Said What?

Everything that comes out of his mouth has a negative aura about it. He complains about his job, the economy, his childhood, his friends, his health and anything else that you can think of. He never has anything good to say and bad mouths others consistently.

Questions to ask yourself:

What are you waiting for? Run for the hills.

Why are you allowing his negativity to bring you down?

Do you feel sorry for him and want to “fix” his life?

Dating Red Flag #7- What Does He Tell You?

He tells you to wear his favorite color or certain types of clothing when going out on a date (or he buys you clothes to wear.) He tells you how and when to do everything. He tells you that you are doing it the wrong way or that things you are interested in are stupid.

Questions to ask yourself:

Does he get extremely angry if you do not follow through?

Does he ever apologize to you?

Do you really want to be controlled by another person?

Dating Red Flag #8 – Is He Jealous?

He tells you that he sees you looking at other men. He does not like you talking to other men – including your friend’s husbands or your brother’s friends. He says that he wants you all to himself and does not like to share. He may also be jealous of the time you spend with your family, friends or children.

Questions to ask yourself:

Does he have a reason to be jealous?

Does his jealousy control where and when you go out?

What are you waiting for? Run for the hills.

Dating Red Flag #9 – He Won’t What?

You have made plans for him to meet your family or friends a few times. At the last minute he always cancels because “something came up.” He gives you hundreds of excuses as to why he is afraid to meet them or cannot meet them.

Questions to ask yourself:

Is he afraid they will not like him (or see his true colors?)

Is he trying to control you by alienating you from family and friends?

How many more chances are you willing to give him?

Dating Red Flag #10 – What Did They Say?

He has met your family and friends and none of them have anything good to say about him. It is important to remember that they love you and truly want you to be happy. There is no need to be concerned if only one or two people have something bad to say…but if everyone is saying it…

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Questions to ask yourself:

What are they seeing – and what should I look out for?

Are they all saying the same thing?

Just about any situation can be viewed as a dating red flag based on your previous experiences with your ex-husband. Consider everything and make a list of what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship along with red flags that could point to him being like your ex. After all, you do not want to wind up with another man that is exactly like your ex, just with a different name and body. Most of all, trust in yourself and trust your intuition! Dating after divorce can be fun when you approach it with an open and conscious mind.

This article was originally posted at YourTango. com: Top Ten Dating Red Flags for Divorced Women

Divorced Women's Dating Styles

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Ladies-You know who you are!

Men-Know Who You Might Be Dealing With!

Dating after divorce can be a wonderful new beginning but everyone approaches it differently. Below is a list I came up with to describe various divorced gals dating styles I've observed over the years.

Ladies, you will find that you may fit in to more than one category. Some of you will even transition back and forth between categories at any given time. Let me know if I've missed any?

Gentlemen, which of these gals have you dated? Hopefully this will help you understand better who might be sitting across from you the next time too.

"DIVORCED WOMEN'S DATING STYLES"

Damaged Daters:

You don't trust anyone anymore with your heart. You've been burned. You are not so quick to jump back into another relationship, but you go anyway because you think you are supposed to at least try. Your cynical vibes smell defensive and stink up the room. Wear extra perfume.

I Don't Care Daters:

You are not interested. You're energy is focused elsewhere. You need time to find out who you are. You go just because someone is very nice but you really don't care, but you don't let him know you don't care. He doesn't pick you up but you don't care, he calls you again and you go again even though you don't care.

I Just Want To Sleep With You and Not Really Talk to You Daters:

Your hormones are swinging and you're going to try and act the way you think some men act, and just use someone for sex. You want this person to treat you as if they care about you, even though you don't really care about them. You love the fact that you never expect a call, and call them when they least expect it. Woo Hoo!

Sneaky Daters:

You don't really want anyone to know who you are dating or where you are going. You go out of your way to find "out of the way" meeting locations and rely heavily on GPS. You are shady with family and friends who suspect you are 'seeing someone" but have no idea who. This can go on for years.

Dumbstruck Daters:

You haven't been on a date in decades. You don't know what to wear, what to say or what the rules are. You buy new lingerie but you don't know why because you have no intention of letting anyone see it yet.

Panic Daters:

You need a new man at all costs. You feel your clock ticking and think you are getting older and less attractive by the second. You can’t imagine how you will pay all the bills by yourself or handle household problems and children solo. You tolerate unsavory qualities like a twitch, if his salary is high enough. You will cancel plans with your own mother to make a date on a moments notice.

Panicky Daters:

If he looks like a keeper you blow it. When you realize a guy might actually be a keeper, all your common sense goes out the window because now you actually care what he thinks. Your nerves get in the way of acting like your usual self. You experience 'fumfering' and excessive worry about your looks and words, and as a result can't remember a darn thing HE said once you get home.

Comfort Daters:

You head back in time and re-date old boyfriends who are now also single. Often you track them down. They knew you when you were young and really cute and still see you that way and you them. The delusion is intoxicating and at least you know where the heck they came from.

5 Things You Should Know In Dating a Divorced Woman - A Professional Perspective! My Insights!

Over the weekend, I read a few articles from various divorce coaches and dating blogs geared to men in dating divorced women. There was one in particular called “5 Things You Should Know In Dating a Divorce Woman” by Faydra American’s Divorce Coach which I thought was the most accurate. It wasn’t biased, emphasizing emotional baggage or discussing the risk of the woman going back to her ex. I personally thought it was genuine and the most helpful for anyone interested in dating a divorcee. Her key take away was the best thing in following her tips, is what you get in return. She states a divorced woman appreciates a good man and will recognize the qualities in a man that make him special. When the woman knows that the man is genuine, the man will receive the best the divorced woman has to offer. This follows her being comfortable and senses that her male prospect is interested in her above all others, at that time she will shower him with all the wonderful skills she has.

The 5 reasons are approximately accurate to my expectations in dating and my evolution in dating post my divorce. The top 5 things and my insights are below:

1. She’s been put to the test: Emotionally, physically and financially, she has been tested. The divorce process most likely took a toll on her self-esteem, her pocketbook and her appearance. If she is on the market, she has triumphed over heartache and headache to be available to meet new people. Respect what she has been through and you will get the best she has to give.

My Response: Absolutely! Respect the struggle and realize I and other divorced women are phenomenal women! We wear our battle wounds as stripes of honor.

2. She’s going to be gun-shy: A divorced woman has been through an experience that has helped her grow and become a better person. You will receive the benefits of that growth, but there is a price. It may come slowly. A divorced woman has her guard up and she is actively looking for red flags as to your character and intentions. Use the getting-to-know-you phase as an opportunity to ease her mind and create a comfortable environment for her to share herself.

My Response: While I would say I may have my guard up; I like many divorced women are fun-loving and free-spirited individuals. Giving my heart is slow, but that is not abnormal to any woman who has had any significant relationship experience. I aim to avoid repeating past mistakes.

3. For her, it’s kids first, man second: When this lady married for the first time, her priority was her husband. After the children came and the husband left, her allegiance is to her children. You need to be secure in yourself so that you are not threatened by her loyalty and priority to her children. Over time, a divorced woman in a new relationship will be able to comfortably co-mingle motherhood and womanhood.

My Response: Well, that is a no-brainer. Of course my kids come first. This is evident for every single mother. However, I do have time allocated in my life to meet potentials and develop a meaningful relationship. I am very open about my availability and my existing commitments. Any beau of interest, should capitalize on my free-time. I realize that I have much more free-time than I imagined. Eventually, I hope a potential mate will understand the significance of my children and also recognize his importance to my life. See blog post:“Should A Guy Be Accepting of Not Being #1 Priority When Dating A Single Mom”

4. She must be treated like a queen: A divorced woman has been loved and then left. While on her own, she has learned how to take care of her own needs and the needs of her employer, children and community; a one-woman show. What she needs from you is to be treated like a queen. She is not looking for a father for her children, a roommate to help with the bills, or another person to take care of. She is looking for companionship, friendship, and quite possibly some great sex. Focus your attention on being there for her. Get to know her and show her that she means a lot to you as a person, not a parent, or a financial partner.

My Response: Okay, I won’t say the term “Queen”. To me it poses that I am high-maintenance, and I am anti-high-maintenance in everything I do. However, this is accurate in the points where I do not need a provider, another child to take care of or a father for my children. The point of wanting a relationship is finding a best-friend that I can enjoy life’s experiences with, someone who can complement, be supportive of my aspirations and a shoulder to cry on when hiccups in life occur. And of course, explosive sex is a must.

5. Her expectations are higher: A divorced woman has higher expectations about dating. She expects to be the center of a reciprocating interaction. She expects you to pay the bill. She expects that you will treat her with respect and interest. A divorced woman knows when a man is interested in her and she will have less tolerance for game playing. If she has kids, she knows all about manipulation.

My Response: My experiences with relationships and marriage, has allowed me to quickly see through games. I may not call the person out on it right away, but I am attuned. As someone more mature, I have limited time to deal with games. I dish out what is given to me. For a potential soul mate, I do have high expectations, but nothing more than being genuine with your intentions, respecting me and not being selfish and greedy to satisfy your own fantasies. And of course compatibility and someone willing to do the work to foster a relationship. Now, I don’t expect someone to pay the bill all the time. That is a bit extreme, I am all about being fair and picking up the tab every now and then. But I demand respect and will not tolerate anything less.

I plan to share in the next couple of days, a male blog prospective of what a man should be cautious about in dating a divorced woman, as I thought while less accurate, just as amusing.

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