Dating korean guys

An American girl dating Korean men. En Masse.

July 27 th

Why do Asian girls go for white guys…but not the other way around?

First, read the article here: The Grand Narrative

I find this incredibly interesting. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of posts in the comments from women, white or otherwise. If I had to put my finger on it, to ultimately answer the question, it’d be these three things listed below.

The Question:

"Why do white guys go for Asian girls and vice-versa whereas white girls don’t go for Asian guys and vice-versa?"

Three logical answers:

1. There is, whether we want to admit it or not, a social fetish dealing with Asian women. I’m not saying EVERYONE has this particular fetish, but it is fairly common. Something about the Asian woman, be it the assumed submissiveness, her typical slim size or her ‘exotic’ features, attract men. A lot of men. For women, I don’t think it works like this. Sure, I love Korean men. But, compared to my many western friends here, I am not normal. The stereotypical skinny, awkward and shy Asian man is not something most women find attractive. From my point of view, at least.

2. Asian women are used to being approached. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that having the beefy, hunky western male swagger up would just make an Asian woman’s day. Okay, that was overly sarcastic, but it’s true. In both western and Asian societies, for the most part, the man does the approaching. This is where the divide happens, and it can be seen on the video linked on the site. Western men, are confident and secure that they can do this approach. I’ve seen so many western men approach the typical Korean girl. I rarely see a Korean man approach a foreigner. I should know. It just doesn’t happen (that often). Why? Perhaps it has to do with the upbringing. A western man “should” be confident because ultimately he knows the opportunity lies with him to go get the girl. I think in Korean relationships a lot of different scenarios can play out in how two people meet, and the Korean man is not used to being so aggressive. Unfortunately, the western girl is used to and expects, most of the time, the western approach. This already gives a leg-up to the western man.

3. I am not sure how true this is outside Korea, but I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard this. Take Ramen for example. I asked him, after we started dating, WHY he didn’t approach me. It was clear I wanted him to. I was making eyes at him all night and even invited him to sit with me…four times. In his words, and so many others, there is this idea in the Asian man’s mind that the western girl is JUST NOT INTERESTED. That western girls DO NOT LIKE KOREAN MEN. So, no matter how approachable, or interested, or excited the western girl is to meet the Asian guy, if it gets to that point, the man believes it’s not right. He’s reading it wrong. Or he just doesn’t pick up on it at all. It’s not even a possibility. Is this an exaggeration? A tiny bit. But, I don’t think I’m far off the mark when saying this. To get the guy, MOST western girls will have to go outside their comfort zone and approach the Korean guy. At the risk of being rejected. She will have to approach him in a very headstrong way, and most western girls would be put off by that. So, instead she sits and waits and wonders why Romeo over there isn’t coming up to her.

These three things combined, stereotypes or not, really help to explain the breakdown. Does it bother me? A little bit. I wish it was more common. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so hard. But, it’s how it is. And until the sterotype and the expectations on both ends start to evolve, I don’t think there will be a huge change anytime soon. Sorry, that was long.

Текст видео

Опубликовано: 1 дек. 2012 г.

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As requested by my subscribers on my Facebook page, here is the video describing my best dates in Korea. I have been living in Korea for 4 years (off and on since 2006), and have been single for most of that time, so I have had many opportunities to meet and date Korean guys. These are the 3 best dates I had..

I will make the next Dating in Korea video where I share the worst dates, and perhaps even a third video with all the simply bizarre and strange things that happened to me while looking for love in Korea as a non-Korean woman. involving strangers, ice creams, bowing old men, among other things.

If you have a question about AMWF relationships in Korea, and think I might be able to answer it, feel free to post the comment below and i will check them to try to answer you, either as a written comment or in a video reply.

Thank you for watching, subscribers!

Parent Involvement

Traditional rules of Korean courtship left the parents responsible for matchmaking. Parents considered astrological signs, lineage, alliances between families and financial benefits when they paired their children with others. Though contemporary Korean dating norms have shifted away from parental matchmaking, parents still play a vital role at the end stages of courtship. In the Korean culture, young people are taught early to recognize their accountability to their parents -- and the need for parent advice and guidance in important life decisions, including courtship and marriage.

Marriage as an Option

In traditional Korean culture, women held one lifetime goal: to get married and have children. Contemporary Korean women have different options, and that is changing the way many look at marriage. As women began to fill middle management positions in the public and private sector, many more women choose careers over families. By 2005, 51 percent of South Koreans in their 20s and 30s were unmarried, which is 5 percentage points higher than just five years earlier.

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What to Expect when Dating a Korean Guy

What to Expect when Dating a Korean Guy

It seems like Korean guys are in demand because many of my single girlfriends have been telling me how much they’d like to learn Korean to date Korean boys. Well well. Quite understandable considering how men are portrayed in all these Korean MVs, dramas, and movies. But really, that’s like saying I want to date a Lawyer after watching Suite. Unfortunately, boys are boys – even in Korea. They sometimes go MIA, put friends over you, breaks your heart, forget your birthday etc. But I must say that there is some merit to Korean boys’ courting style that is hard to match. So here, I list out some of the common occurrences of dating a Korean guy based on my personal experience and of the experiences of my lovely Korean girlfriends. Note that there are many Korean guys out there, and there are many exceptions. This is just my personal experience, please read it with a light heart.

Hands-on experience:

Consulting experience:

Over 2000 hours of 1:1 consultation via phone, text, skype, face-to-face about Korean boy-problems.

Hope now I have some creds to tell you what it’s like to date a Korean guy.

So what is it like to have a Korean boyfriend?

On keeping in touch:

- So I only am able to compare them to non-Koreans now after recently being exposed to more non-Korean/fob guys, but in comparison to guys I’ve dated from other culture, Korean guys are great at keeping in touch, constantly . This made it hard for me to adapt to ABC guys that were texting 2,3 messages per day or every two three days because Korean guys will text you every day. Many also call you every day. It’s not that they’re more/less into you; I think it’s a norm. You get freaking spoiled (sometimes annoyed) by how much they will contact you, but this means anxiety triples when they become MIA.

Dressing up:

- Do dress up on your dates because these Korean boys will dress up/suit up every time they take you out. It’s not uncommon for a guy to show up wearing a shirt, khaki, a blazer, matching shoes, and perfectly done hair – to a date at an amusement park. They often dress like they’ve popped out of print ads in magazines. Some extremely self-aware guys would put on bb-cream, color contact lens (this one is more rare), and fake heels inside the shoes. But don’t be too impressed because it’s probably 50% for other people to see, 30% for themselves, and 20% for you. Regardless, it’s good to see guys putting as much effort into looking nice and “dolling” up, but they would expect you to do the same.

- I heard in Canada, guys stop paying after 2,3 dates, or even on second dates it’s common to go dutch. In Korea, I don’t think I used more than $5 on a date for the first 20 dates or so. Although there seems to be a shift in this dynamic very recently, it’s still very normal for guys to be the one getting tab all the time. Once you get serious, then the paying becomes a bit more even, maybe girls pay 3:7/4:6. Most of the time, they don’t want you to pay. You can easily get used to this … Sometimes I didn’t even bring out a wallet on dates (oops! I sound like such a bad person in hindsight.) But there are consequences that follow. For instance, while it’s extremely subtle, they may exert more authority or expect you to show more “child-like” behaviors. It can be patronizing at times.

Being the “Oppa”:

- In Korea, age determines how you refer to one another (unlike in Canada where everyone calls each other names). When a guy is older than a girl, the girl refers to this guy as “Oppa.” But it really doesn’t matter how old you are, because if a guy is interested in you, he’ll try to act like an Oppa anyways. I’m sure most of you have heard of this phrase through Psy’s Gangnam Style. This phrase carries an odd mix of varying sentiments that ranges from being responsible, protective, to having more power, status, and right. One thing that Korean guys seem to enjoy doing is refer to themselves as “Oppa.” For instance, instead of saying “I’ll buy you dinner/I’ll do that for you,” they will say “Oppa will buy you dinner/ Oppa will do that for you.” Seriously, when a guy that I’m not too interested does this, every bit of hair on my body stands up. Good thing that comes with this phenomenon is that Korean guys in general are very responsible and almost trained to take care of girls in all ways possible.

Examples:

- When walking on the sidewalk, they always make sure they are on the outer lane closer to the cars

- They will take off their coat for you in cold weather

- They arrive ten minutes early to dates and don’t mind waiting few minutes (I think some expect girls to be late).

- Anything heavy or difficult to do, they feel responsible to solve/do it for the girl.

- If you call them for help in the middle of the night (even at 2,3 in the morning), most of them will help you

Special Celebrations & Couple “things”:

- So one of the oddest/coolest part of Korean dating culture is that couples celebrate gazillion and one things. Let me list a few that I have celebrated:

22 day, 1 month, 100th day, 200th day, 300th, 1 year, 2 year, 3 year, Valentine’s day, white day, Christmas, Children’s day, Korean couple’s day (where the couple meets on a bridge made by a flock of birds), Pepero day, Rose day, Kiss day, Thanksgiving, New Years, and of course birthdays

- On these occasions, I’ve learned that girls should expect the guy to prepare some sort of “surprise” – it’s not very surprising once you realize that it’s always going to be a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear, cake, and candles. But still, it’s very sweet that guys will go such lengths to do things for the girls they like. It’s tiring on guys, you’d say? But sometimes it’s the guys that are more into stuff like this. I once forgot one of these many celebrations previously-unknown-to-me, and all I can say is that, that day didn’t end well. As much as guys go crazy with these celebrations, girls also put equal effort in preparing – often some hand-made stuff for their special other.

- Another thing that Korean boyfriends commonly suggest are couple items like couple rings (makes it hard to tell who is married or just dating), couple shoes, couple cellphone cases, couple smartphones . couple data plan (where you have unlimited data between you two), couple diary, couple (fill in your own blank). I know many of my non-Korean friends find this freaky, but I must say small things like same keychains are kind of cute. You get used to it.

In general, Korean guys are more “hardworking” when it comes to relationships. But that doesn’t mean its all roses and butterflies; there are also things that are particularly stressful when dating Korean guys..

- I guess all this chivalry comes with consequences. Not all, but surely many Korean boyfriends will ask to check your phone, kakaotalk or what-nots. They expect to know your entire schedule in and out and also expects you to update him on your life constantly. This can be a bit frustrating, but girls often expect the same from guys so it’s a mutual thing I suppose. It’s always really hard to have a girl’s night out if one of the girl is in a relationship. Getting permission almost never worked because they’d be calling constantly and checking up on her. Some are really extreme: for instance, once four of my girl friends were out, and my girlfriend’s bf asked her to take a photo of her outfit to make sure it’s not too scandalous. Seriously?!… SERIOUSLY?

- The tolerance of acceptable interaction with the opposite gender is vastly lower for couples in Korea.

Some things that I witnessed Korean couples often fight about:

- Texting an opposite gender

- Calling an opposite gender

- Talking to an opposite gender

- Looking at an opposite gender

- Thinking about an opposite gender

So basically anything that has to do with the opposite gender is a no. Okay, I may be exaggerating a tiny bit, but Korean couples tend to be extremely bonded and with such bond comes such craziness. I guess people are crazy when they’re in love.

Sour Endings:

- I think breakups rarely end in good terms among Korean couples. I see tons of Canadian friends being friends with their ex but I rarely see Korean couples continuing to be friends after a break-up. It’s partly because many of my Korean friends think there is no such thing as friendship between a girl and a guy.

Meeting his friends:

- Meeting friends of a Korean boyfriend is one of the most stressful parts of the ordeal, imo. So in my experience, they put you on a pedestal and subtlety judge you. Once you break into the group, they will love and protect you forever, but it’s really hard to break into the bubble. The key to this meet is to dress like a news broadcaster (think pastel colored conservative outfit that is flattering but classsy), wear minimal make-up, and be super, super nice. Pretend you’re there to serve them. It doesn’t matter if that’s not the real you, because the real you is not what they want to see. Be comfortable, but also be tense (if that’s even possible). When you’re meeting his friends, you are a virgin that never smoked, drank, or stayed out pass 9 p. m…

So dating a Korean guy can be amazing one moment and awfully confusing another. But like with any culture, being in a relationship requires work from both partners. Also, most problems can be overcome with appropriate communication. It’s just important to learn the “norms” of the dating eco-system your love subject is part of to avoid misunderstandings. I remember an ABC girl rejected a Korean boy because he held the umbrella for her on a rainy day and she found that patronizing. Poor boy! He was just doing what he thought was respectful. Oh, I definitely wouldn’t mind a cute boy holding my umbrella on a rainy day.

I hope you enjoyed the article.

Follow me on twitter @ tinasyhsu and ask questions if you have any!

Also, check out my personal project Asia Anonymous for the back alley style reports on Korea: http://asiaanonymous. wordpress. com/