Dating laws of attraction

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Falling in LOVE. EXPOSED.

Well, THERE'S NO SUCH THING, THERE'S NO SUCH THING, THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

Yeah, you read it right. There's no such "thing" as love. There's no such "thing" as passion. There's no such "thing" as attraction or chemistry or lust.

I know, I know, you're saying. That's the problem. for most of you, most of the time and I say there's no such thing.

But that's not what I'm talking about, so pay close attention. I'm not saying that people don't experience states of "attraction" or "chemistry" or "love". What I am saying is that these states are processes that take place inside the human mind and body.

Ok. Since I'm being pretty general and theoretical here let's get a bit more specific and talk about what every man dreams about: falling in love.

Now, do you think "love" is based on some mysterious "chemistry" that flows between two people? Maybe it's caused by a naked little angel named Cupid who shoots an arrow into your ass?

No, Here's how people fall in love: First, understand you do NOT fall in love with someone when you are in their presence. Never.

You fall in love when you're off by yourself, thinking about them afterwards. Let's take an example to understand how it happens: you go out with a beautiful girl, maybe even one date. You spend some quality time with her and then you go home and you're lying there, thinking about her. And you form an image of her in your mind. And as you do that, you start to list to yourself all the qualities about her that you like, "She's so. she's so. she's really. "

Maybe then you picture you and her having lots of fun in all sorts of situations. Then you get that warm, funny feeling right in your solar plexus and then, the nail in your coffin, you say her name to yourself 2 or 3 times. If you're really a geek, maybe you even dance around the house singing it! Or you possibly go about bring up her name in every conversation.

Sound familiar? Now, as you recall the times in your past when you did this, were you then able to stay cool, in control of yourself AND the relationship? Or were you calling her every day, always wanting to see her, and eager to kiss her ass, to the point where she, of course, dropped you?

Here's the point: "love" is a process people do to themselves! It's not a "thing" you trip over or a "hole" you fall into. And I know, even though I'm not there watching you that as I describe it here on this blog, you recalled and went through that process yourself, and recalled the feelings associated with it.

So if you can make someone feel a strong sense of attraction + a strong sense of connection (rapport) for you, which lasts even when you are not around, and can systematically amplify it further, you can almost make anybody fall in love with you.

BUT, BUT, BUT in real world. it's not as EASY as it sounds. ONE goof up is enough to ruin all your chances with your DREAM GIRL and can put you in a damage control mode forever.

Remember they say it for a reason. PRACTICE makes a man PERFECT. ;O)

PS: You enjoyed reading it. Now it's time to share the URL with your friends and colleagues! ;O)

Mental Attraction

We may indeed initially judge a book by its cover, but we don't stop there. Certainly, beauty may be the first thing that attracts us to a person or object, but other factors make us attractive too. Most notably, people are also attracted to personality.

Some of the most notable research supporting the role of personality in attraction comes from the evolutionary psychologist David Buss. For example, in 1986, Buss and Barnes surveyed both married couples and unmarried individuals about their preferences in a mate. The researchers asked about whole host of characteristics, including physical attractiveness, personality, behaviors, resources, and status.

Married couples were particularly asked about the characteristics that they found attractive and valuable in their own partners. Out of 76 identified characteristics, all of the top 10 related to having a warm, positive, an pleasant personality. Traits such as being a good companion, considerate, honest, affectionate, dependable, intelligent, kind, understanding, interesting to talk to, and loyal.

For single folks, personality characteristics were also the first three chosen out of 13 larger personality dimensions. Those dimensions were kind and understanding, exciting, and intelligent. Of later importance was also easygoing and creative.

Beyond being attractive in its own right, personality characteristics also change other people's perceptions of our physical appearance. This effect was studied by Lewandowski, Aron, and Gee in 2007. The researchers also used both men and women as participants. In this study, however, they provided false personality information about students, paired with their yearbook photos. Participants were then asked to judge the physical attractiveness of the students based on the picture and description.

The authors found that pictures paired with positive traits were rated as more beautiful/handsome, and those paired with negative traits were rated as less attractive, when compared to controls. This effect occurred with pictures of both "attractive" and "unattractive" students. This effect also happened for both men and women participants, with women a bit more sensitive to negative personality information. Finally, the effect also influenced judgments of desirability as a dating partner.

In summation, personality counts for a lot. Particularly, being positive, kind, exciting, and intelligent can go a long way to attracting others to you. So, make sure to put your best foot forward.

The third law of attraction is proximity, read about it here .

Real World Law of Attraction:

"How-To" for Your REAL Life!

It's a Law of Attraction Universe!

     . And you could (should) be having FUN and feel good living in it!

Life IS supposed to be FUN! Through the Law of Attraction, the Universe is conspiring to help you achieve and attract everything you focus your attention on.  

The problem is that most of us waste our precious mental focus on trivial nonsense that is often the exact opposite of what we DO want to attract!

. Joy and harmony in alignment with Source for the manifestation of what you desire is not always so easy in the real world - daily life has a way of getting in there and messing up the works!

And it is at precisely those times that all the "secret" Law of Attraction (LoA) "theory" that is out there isn't going to cut it. That's where we come in - "Real-Life-LoA" - FREE one-stop "how to" expertise!

Beyond positive thinking. At its core, the Universal Law of Attraction is about YOU - your thoughts, and your ability to believe:

That you are good enough

That you are worthy

That you are valuable with gifts to share

That you are on the right track

That you ARE in the right place and it IS the right time for you NOW

That you CAN do it!

With down-to-earth information, real world examples, easy to use tools, quick techniques and exercises for everyday use in real life, motivational quotes, and practical "How-To" methods and advice, this site is dedicated to reminding and reassuring you that:

     . You cannot get it wrong!

     . You DO have all the resources you need

        to create and live the life of your dreams!

     . And it IS going to be okay!

We know because we have done it ourselves!

See how the Universal Laws of Attraction can be used in REAL Life to attract love, ideal relationships, work you LOVE, your best body, and the circumstances and conditions you desire to feel good, have more fun, experience more joy, and, generally feel better with a sense of relief and ease NOW - for free!

What Causes Attraction?

According to modern social psychology, many things determine attraction. The first factor is familiarity. People are more likely to be attracted if they have met several times or are in the same social circles. Attraction also generates from attractive physical features, valued social traits (like self-esteem) and similarity. If two people have similar views, opinions and social skills, they are more likely to be attracted to each other. Lastly, conveyed interest is a factor. Just knowing that someone likes us often fuels our interest.

Physical Attraction

Attractive people have been proven to share common facial features: slim, toned figures, large eyes, small, perky noses, luscious lips, clear complexions. In one 1986 study, features that are consistent with attractive women are prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, high eyebrows, large pupils and a large smile. Men with distinctive cheekbones, sizable chins and broad smiles were rated more attractive. These perceived notions of beauty span cultures and tastes.

One distinct difference between male and female beauty is that the female faces that are considered beautiful are the typical "baby faces" as opposed to the more rugged male face. This insinuates that female beauty is associated with more "childlike" features.

Let's Get Physical. Physical

How Important is physical attraction? In social psychology field experiments, experimenters have found that people overwhelmingly opt for physical attractiveness (as opposed to other positive qualities). One psychology study randomly assigned blind dates for college students at the University of Minnesota. The results were overwhelming. Although many traits such as intelligence or sensitivity could have determined the success of the blind date, it was the rated physical attractiveness that correlated with success. In this study there was no significant difference between men or women on this matter. Later, this experiment was repeated with gay couples with the same results.

Beauty and Barbie--The Influence of the Media

From Saturday morning cartoons to Barbie to the latest movies, the media and other cultural touchstones tell us what is beautiful. Not only do they set standards for attraction, they also tell us to associate what is beautiful with what is good. Think of your favorite Disney movie. The hero and heroine are the both morally and physically likable.

Statistically, people associate other good qualities with those who are perceived as attractive. People who are attractive are rated more sociable, happy and popular. This varies slightly across cultures. Whatever is deemed as a valuable trait in that culture is associated with an attractive person. For example, in Western cultures assertion is more valued and thus associated with beauty. In South Korea, personal integrity is deemed more important and is associated with beauty.

The Theoretical Influence of Evolution

Experts suggest that we have been programed through evolution to judge what is attractive. Studies show that babies favor pictures of attractive faces over unattractive faces. Evolution has also programed our attraction through underlying motives. Throughout time, successful reproduction for men has translated into having as many offspring as possible. For females it translates into raising their offspring successfully.

Keeping this in mind, when men choose a partner, they are more likely to look for someone who fits the evolutionary bill for someone who can reproduce successfully (with attractiveness being a red flag). Attractiveness signals health and fitness. Women look for a man who can supply the resources she needs to raise a child. This may explain why rich, unattractive men are able to date gorgeous, young women.

It Turns Out There Are Such Things As The Laws Of Attraction

I'm sorry to report to the millions of single men and women across the world, and all the hopeless romantics, relationship experts, Nora Ephron junkies and the single-and-searching but their concept of a soul mate, of one person made specifically for them, is false.

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Reader's Question

Dear AskMen,

I've met "the one " but I'm having trouble making her realize this. I've been pursuing her for about five months while she was away at college, but we kept in regular contact, at first through email and then over the phone. I've gotten the sense she's very guarded about relationships. On a couple occasions, it felt as though things were moving forward, only to have her backpedal.

She specifically said that she thought the relationship could have evolved into something, but it hasn't, and she wasn't sure why. At this moment, she says she doesn't believe it will. We remain close friends. I've told her I'm going to pursue this. She wants to spend time together, but only as friends. My question is this: Can you help me turn this relationship into something more?

Thanks,

Response

Dear B.,

I'm saying the following as a pseudo-friend, given our circumstances, and as a man that has lived through your exact situation more than a few times in my life.

First, let's touch on the absurd concept of "the one." There are millions of married people in the around the world. Imagine being able to ask them all the same question — "Are you married to 'the one?'" A majority will answer yes. The rest will respond with a variation of no that sounds like "She was 'the one,' but things are different now" or "I thought she was 'the one,' but I was wrong" or maybe even "I was married to a woman I thought was 'the one,' but she wasn't, but now I'm married to 'the one.'" Ask Larry King and he'll tell you he's had seven different women in the role of "the one" in his lifetime.

I'm sorry to report to the millions of single men and women across the world, and all the hopeless romantics, relationship experts, Nora Ephron junkies and the single-and-searching — but their concept of a soul mate, of one person made specifically for them, is a fiction. If this were true, how would it be possible for millions of people to meet “the one” specific to them alone? What the hell are the odds? "I met the one! She also lives in Seattle and gets coffee at the Starbucks at 8:23 every morning! What great luck!"