First date etiquette: the dos and don’ts
Etiquette (/??t? k?t/ or /??t? k?t/, French: [e. ti. k?t]) is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behaviour according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.
If you’ve been out of the dating game for some time the norms and social conventions may have changed a little so here’s a quick list of do’s and don’ts for first dates in 2013.
Be yourself: this is so important that it should be at the top of any guidance on dating. Although it may be tempting to embellish your life and personality to make it more attractive, unlike at a job interview the aim here isn’t just to get hired. You want to build an intimate connection with this person so any discrepancies will be revealed as they get to know you better.
Be on time: there was a time when it was thought that it would heighten expectation (particularly for a man) to be kept waiting for a date. Now that most people have mobile phones and can let a date know if they’re going to be unavoidably delayed, there really is no excuse.
Take money with you: it’s old fashioned to expect a man to pay for a woman’s meal and although he might offer, you should not assume that the man will pay.
Have something to talk about: it sounds obvious but one of the biggest fears people have about first dates is that the conversation will dry up. To avoid this happening re-read your dates profile and look for things you might want to know more about. People tend to be interested in people who are interested in them.
Be knowledgeable: There’s only so much personal information you may want to share at a first meeting so it’s good if you have some other topics of conversation to draw upon. Reading the papers or reviews of events coming up in your local area will help keep the conversation flowing.
Use body language to good effect: stand up when you greet your date, make eye contact and keep your body language open and receptive. Remember that 85% of what we communicate is non-verbal.
Have your mobile phone on the table: or even check it while you are on the date. Put it on silent or vibrate for the duration of the date and give the person in front of you your full attention.
Update your social media status: while you may have arranged to let a friend know how it is going, a quick text when you nip to the loo is very different from telling all your friends every intimate detail of your evening.
Talk about your ex: this is one of the fastest ways to put a new date off. A first date is about looking to the future rather than dwelling on the past.
Overshare: many people make the mistake of using a first date like a therapy session. Given a kind face and an attentive ear it’s easy to fall into the trap of offloading all your emotional baggage. Keep it light and remember you’re both meant to be having fun.
Wear anything uncomfortable: if you are comfortable in yourself you’re much more likely to be comfortable in someone else’s company. Look your best but don’t dress completely out of character – your date wants to meet the real you.
Above all else remember that a first date with someone you’ve met online is simply an introduction. It’s a chance to meet face to face and find out if you’d both like to go on a longer-lasting date.
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If you and your date don't hit it off right away, or if a pleasant date suddenly takes a turn for the worse, you may want to end it as quickly as possible. It's bad form to leave someone in the lurch, especially if you agreed to spend a certain amount of time together and have concrete plans, such as to have dinner and then visit a cafe for coffee and dessert. It's also rude to feign sickness or to arrange for a friend to call you in the middle of the date with an "emergency." If your date is being impolite or aggressive, you have the right to cut things off immediately; otherwise, tough it out and depart only after you've spent the allotted time or done the activities you agreed to. Avoid an awkward situation by planning a casual date in the first place: a cup of coffee, a quick lunch or something else that doesn't entail a big time commitment. You can always extend the date if it's going well.
Conversation
Don't attempt to drive your date away with hot-button topics like religion or politics if the date isn't going well. If you don't know your date well, it's not a good idea to bring up these topics on a good date, either, as awkward or overly heated conversation can turn a good date bad. Also avoid using foul language and being rude to waiters or other people nearby. Look for topics of mutual interest that can engage the two of you in pleasant conversation whether you are waiting to make a graceful exit or truly trying to get to know the person better.
Promptness
Few things reflect poor manners more than making your date wait for you or, worse, standing him up. Being late shows disrespect for your date's time and efforts, as well as inferring that you don't really care about the date. Always be on time for your date, and make plans to account for traffic and other variables to give you enough time to get there. Don't cancel at the last minute, and never just "not show up." There are more appropriate ways to indicate that you're not interested.
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