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Speed dating

Speed dating is a formalized matchmaking process or dating system whose purpose is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people. Its origins are credited to Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah. originally as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] SpeedDating . as a single word, is a registered trademark of Aish HaTorah. Speed dating . as two separate words, is often used as a generic term for similar events.

Contents

Organization [ edit ]

Usually advance registration is required for speed dating events. Men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates" usually lasting from three to eight minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each interval, the organizer rings a bell, clinks a glass, or blows a whistle to signal the participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event participants submit to the organizers a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties. Contact information cannot be traded during the initial meeting, in order to reduce pressure to accept or reject a suitor to his or her face.

There are many speed dating events now in the United Kingdom. Canada. and the United States. Requirements for each event vary with the organizer. Specific age range based on gender is a common restriction for events. Many speed dating events are targeted at particular communities: for example, LGBT people, polyamorists. [ 4 ] Christians. [ 5 ] Graduate student speed dating events are common. [ 6 ]

Practice [ edit ]

Some feel that speed dating has some obvious advantages over most other venues for meeting people, such as bars, discotheques. etc. in that everybody is purportedly there to meet someone, they are grouped into compatible age ranges, it is time-efficient, and the structured interaction eliminates the need to introduce oneself. Unlike many bars, a speed dating event will, by necessity, be quiet enough for people to talk comfortably. Speed dating is for singles.

Participants can come alone without feeling out of place; alternatively it is something that women who like to go out in groups can do together. [ 7 ]

Because the matching itself happens after the event, people do not feel pressured to select or reject each other in person. On the other hand, feedback and gratification are delayed as participants must wait a day or two for their results to come in.

The time limit ensures that a participant will not be stuck with a boorish match for very long, and prevents participants from monopolizing one another's time. On the other hand, a couple that decides they are incompatible early on will have to sit together for the duration of the round.

Most speed dating events match people at random, and participants will meet different "types" that they might not normally talk to in a club. On the other hand, the random matching precludes the various cues, such as eye contact, that people use in bars to preselect each other before chatting them up.

Online speed dating [ edit ]

Several online dating services offer online speed dating where users meet online for video, audio or text chats. The advantage of online speed dating is that users can go on dates from home as it can be done from any internet enabled computer. The disadvantage is people do not actually meet one another.

Scientific research [ edit ]

There have been several studies of the round-robin dating systems themselves, as well as studies of interpersonal attraction that are relevant to these events. Other studies found speed-dating data useful as a way to observe individual choices among random participants.

First impressions [ edit ]

A 2005 study at the University of Pennsylvania of multiple HurryDate speed dating events found that most people made their choices within the first three seconds of meeting. Furthermore, issues such as religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits were found to play much less of a role than expected. [ 8 ] [ 9 ]

A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland showed that 45% of the women participants in a speed-dating event and 22% of the men had come to a decision within the first 30 seconds. It also found that dialogue concerning travel resulted in more matches than dialogue about films. [ 10 ]

In a 2012 study, researchers found that activation of specific brain regions while viewing images of opposite-sex speed dating participants was predictive of whether or not a participant would later pursue or reject the viewed participants at an actual speed dating event. Men and women made decisions in a similar manner which incorporated the physical attractiveness and likability of the viewed participants in their evaluation. [ 11 ]

Subconscious preferences [ edit ]

Malcolm Gladwell 's book on split-second decision making, Blink , introduces two professors at Columbia University who run speed-dating events. Drs. Sheena Iyengar and Raymond Fisman found, from having the participants fill out questionnaires, that what people said they wanted in an ideal mate did not match their subconscious preferences. [ 12 ] [ 13 ]

Olfaction and the MHC [ edit ]

A 1995 study at the University of Bern showed that women appear to be attracted to the smell of men who have different MHC profiles from their own, and that oral contraceptives reversed this effect. [ 14 ]

The MHC is a region of the human genome involved with immune function. Because parents with more diverse MHC profiles would be expected to produce offspring with stronger immune systems. dissimilar MHC may play a role in sexual selection.

A speed "date" lasting several minutes should be long enough for the MHC hypothesis to come into play, provided the participants are seated close enough together. [ citation needed ]

Olfaction and pheromones [ edit ]

The TV newsmagazine 20/20 once sent both a male and a female set of twins to a speed dating event. One of each set was wearing pheromones. and the ones wearing pheromones received more matches. [ 15 ]

Age and height preference [ edit ]

A 2006 study by Michele Belot and Marco Francesconi into the relative effects of preference versus opportunity in mate selection showed, while concluding that opportunity was more important than preference, that a woman's age is the single most important factor determining demand by men. [ 16 ] Although less important than it is to men, age is still a highly significant factor determining demand by women.

The same study found that a man's height had a significant impact upon his desirability, with a reduction in height causing a decrease in desirability at the rate of 5% per inch.

Selectivity [ edit ]

Studies of speed dating events generally show more selectivity among women than among men. For instance, the Penn study reported that the average man was chosen by 34% of the women and the average woman was chosen by 49% of the men. [ 8 ] New studies suggest that the selectivity is based on which gender is seated and which is rotating. This new study showed that when men were seated and the women rotated, the men were more selective. [ 17 ]

Spin-offs [ edit ]

The popularity or charm of speed dating has led to at least one offspring: Speed Networking. A structured way of running business networking events with the goal of making meeting potential business contacts easier and more productive. Some speed dating companies have now started offering free speed dating where you do not pay unless you meet somebody you like.

Business speed dating has also been used in China as a way for business people to meet each other and to decide if they have similar business objectives and synergies. [ citation needed ] Speed dating offers participating investors and companies an opportunity to have focused private meetings with targeted groups in a compact time frame.

Marriage Advice: 8 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Saying 'I Do'

This article originally appeared on YourTango. com

By Amy Schoen for YourTango. com

For those of you who think you want to get married, do you have a realistic picture of what it is all about? Do you see yourself in wedded bliss where you wake up together, have a romantic day at the beach, laugh together and enjoy a sunset dinner and a midnight walk along the water? That is possible.

But do you also see yourself arguing about who does the dishes that are piled up in the sink, about the unaccounted for expenses or about wanting to be left alone after a stressful day at the office? These scenes can be part of marriage too! Are you prepared for the ups and downs that marriage offers?

Before you can truly determine if you are ready for marriage take a step back and answer these questions first:

1. What are your reasons for wanting to get married? There are many reasons for wanting to find a marriage partner: companionship of a spouse and wanting a family (a spouse and children) are the top two reasons from my research. One of my girlfriends was divorced, 40 years old and had a young child. All her friends were married and she was the only single parent in her social group. Fortunately, she did end up marrying -- she met her second husband on the internet!

2. What would marriage give you that you don't already have? What would you be giving up? You can list your pros and cons of marriage. The major issues that come up are about the loss of freedom in marriage. You have to account for the other person in all your decisions. There seem to be more family obligations when you are married. This can take up a lot of your time. Being single can take a lot of time too. One of my clients desires to find a wife so he can focus more of his energies on his business. He figures he spends at least 16 hours a week searching for "the one."

On the other hand, wanting a spouse to support you through life's ups and downs is a big motivation for marriage. Also, having a steady companion for meals and leisure time seems to be high on the list "for" marriage. It is up to you to weigh the pros and the cons and to figure out if the scales tip towards or away from marriage.

3. How do you view marriage? What's your opinion of marriage? Do you have positive thoughts about marriage? Or do you have a negative view of marriage? My friend Jessie -- early 40s, single and never married -- has parents that are divorced. She claims that she knows very few happy marriages. The view that "most marriages end in divorce" surely impacts her readiness for marriage. One of my ex-boyfriends once referred to me as "his ball and chain" to one of his friends. He has never married and is in now his late 40s. Don't you think this perspective on marriage may have prevented him from taking marriage seriously?

4. How much of your time would you be willing to devote to a life partner? What are your top priorities in your life? List your top priorities in life. If finding a marriage partner or making the most of your current relationship is one of the top two, then you are probably ready for marriage. Another client had a good job that was relatively stable and a good social life of friends. The only thing missing in his life was a marriage partner. He really wanted to settle down and have a family. He was tired of running around to singles events. This became his top priority in his life. He did end up meeting his wife at a dinner at a local synagogue.

5. Are you willing to make the compromises to be a "we" instead of a "me?" Once you find the person you believe to be "the one," are you willing to sacrifice in order to make the relationship work? I have friends who met at a singles weekend. He was from Washington, DC and she was from Boston. The woman moved to DC and found a new job in order to have this relationship work. On the other hand, I had a male friend in New York engaged to a woman in Boston. Neither was willing to move. Needless to say, the marriage never happened.

6. Are you emotionally available for a relationship? What are the circumstances that make it difficult for you to commit to marriage right now? Have you moved on from your past divorce or most recent break up? Do you have commitments such as your children, an aging parent or the financial strain of changing careers? One of my clients did not feel comfortable dating until her last child moved out the house when she left for college. Are you truly open for dating and a serious relationship that can lead to marriage?

7. How will you know when you are ready for marriage? Trust in yourself that you will know when you are ready for marriage. "When you find that someone special, you just know," says Stanley, a man in his early 40s who just got married. "There is a synergy and a flow!" If you find someone who shares your values and your life goals, you will just click with the other person. I have witnessed this time and time again with both my clients and my friends.

Some people just know that they want to be married, and for others, it takes the right person to come along. Oscar, a man in his mid-30s, told me, "I never thought about marriage until I met my wife. I just knew she was the right marriage partner for me."

One thing I've noticed is that those who are ready for marriage are tired of the dating merry-go-round. They want some kind of stability in their life. They desire to spend their energies on building a relationship and want to get beyond the "good for now" mindset.

8. Are you willing to go public with your desire to find a marriage partner or to be married? Marriage is not a dirty word. I went to a singles event with my Motivated to Marry questionnaire and asked several people, "Do you want to take a quiz to see if you are Motivated to Marry?" They looked at me like deer in the headlights. I figured they were afraid to let others know at a singles event that they were really looking to settle down. (Perhaps they were surprised to be talking to a married woman at a singles event! Yet, dating is my business!)

I tell my clients to be very upfront about their intentions to find a partner for marriage. "Won't I scare the guy away?" is a question I often am asked. My answer is, "if he is scared to talk about wanting to find someone for marriage, then let him be scared away. The right person will stick around because he is interested in the same thing you are."

One of my male clients from DC met a woman online in New York. She told my client that she just wanted to be friends. He told her that he has plenty of friends and that he is looking for a marriage partner. This man is clearly ready for a marriage. He is willing to stick to his goal. I commend him for his focus and determination.

So, you are the only person who can say if you are ready or not for marriage. It takes giving yourself a very honest assessment. If you ask yourself the above questions, you will get closer to answering the question, "Am I truly ready for marriage?"

Dating

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Dating questions to ask a guy

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