Dating dos and dont

The Dos and Don’ts of Dating

In the new millennium, finding someone to date isn’t nearly as tricky as mastering the art of dating. Between online dating, singles events, and the old-fashioned in-person meet and greet, it’s possible to date someone new on a regular basis. But how do you make the most of these chances to meet your perfect partner? How can you ensure that a first date. good or bad, is a learning experience rather than a missed opportunity? The following are the top five dating don’ts, followed by helpful dating dos:

Don’t: Misrepresent yourself

The Dos and Don'ts of Dating Online

These days, going online is as common a way to meet someone as a blind date or the bar scene, and you can connect to people of all ages, religions, professions and backgrounds from all over the globe. Online dating can be a great tool for broadening your options as long as you are smart, are cautious and take some very important safety steps.

Jim Safka, CEO of Match. com offers these tips:

10 Dos and Don'ts for Online Dating

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Unless you work in a totally male milieu – for instance, a urologists’s office, NASCAR race track, or beef ‘n’ ale house -- your quest to meet a man will take you to the Internet. The good news is that you’ll find thousands and thousands of guys online, all trolling for dates. On the other hand, be prepared to spend hours and hours learning how to sort the wheat from the chaff. Here’s our crash course on the DOs and DON’Ts of cyberdating.

DO post a recent photo, and write an honest description of yourself. One of our guy friends salivated over a picture of a pgorgeous, blonde, bikini-clad model. Expecting a Cameron Diaz look-alike, he was shocked to meet a morbidly obese woman in a moo-moo. He downed three shots of tequila and fled. On the other hand, we’ve dated men who were relieved and delighted that we simply looked like our pictures. (And believe us, we’re not Cameron.) They were grateful enough to stay through the crème brulée.

DON’T naively assume that his photo is as up-to-date and accurate as yours. We accepted a date with a guy whose head shot looked perfectly human, even normal. In the flesh he could have passed for Dracula, with a mouthful of rotted, brown, pointy fangs. Never underestimate the power of Photoshop.

He describes himself as “cuddly.”

He writes, “I’ve been told I’m very handsome.”

Translation: by his mother.

He’s “Executive Vice-President of Strategic Planning for a Major Corporation.”

Translation: he’s self-employed in some cockamamie business, headquartered in his basement.

DON’T get taken in by corny, overused come-on lines like, “Looking to spoil the lady of my dreams with flowers and candlelit dinners.” And beware of perfect strangers who promise to “snuggle with you in front of the fireplace” and “enjoy sunset strolls on the beach.” These guys have one thing on their minds. That’s why they took a course on What Women Want to Hear 101.

DO brush up on your math if he sounds too good to be true:

Subtract three inches from his height.

Double his weight.

Halve his income.

Add a decade to his age.

DON’T choose your dates based on photos. It’s all too easy to scroll through Internet profiles, selecting the Brad Pitt look-alikes and bypassing the rest. Remember, real men lose their hair and grow love handles. yet if you met them in person, you just might find them charming. Besides, if you’re anything like us, you probably don’t look that much like Angelina.

DO move the conversation along from email to cell phone. Some people are great writers – or even have a friend ghost-writing for them. In a phone chat, you’ll get a better sense of whether your personalities click. Plus you’ll find out if he even has a personality. Note: it’s a bad sign if, during his monologue about his golf swing, you’re checking your watch and praying that you lose your cell-phone signal.

DON’T disclose where you live or for that matter, any personal information that could lead to your address, such as your home phone number, last name, or an email address that includes your last name. While most men on the Internet are just as normal as you are, you don’t want Hannibal Lecter ringing your doorbell, even if he’s carrying a box of Godiva chocolates. And even if they’re truffles.

DO take things slowly, though the chemistry may be magnetic. Arrange to meet him in a public place for the first couple of dates. When you know more about him, he can pick you up and drop you off at home, but don’t invite him in just yet – even if he pleads that he urgently has to use your bathroom. Our friend fell for that ploy on a first date, and when she offered her hand as he was leaving, he suddenly French-kissed her, slobbering all over her face. Yum.

DON’T behave like a kid in a candy store full of online temptations. If you’ve met a nice, sincere guy, and you’re having a good time dating him, don’t fly to your computer the second you get home to flirt with a dozen new seductive suitors. On the Internet, it’s easy to get distracted by the smorgasbord of smooth-talking guys -- only to lose sight of the one who just might be Mr. Right.

Dating: dos and don'ts of the pick-up

Cheesy lines and personal-space invasions: bad. Confidence, subtle compliments and a bit of vulnerability: good. Our dating expert Caroline Kent explains how to improve your chances with the opposite sex with these simple dos and don'ts.

Sometimes a guy chats you up and it leaves you feeling tingly and heart-fluttery, like you've had a shot of vodka in your coffee. But be presumptuous, pushy, cheesy or obsequious, and she'll be reverting to her fake number and name (mine is Rachel). Hopefully these dos and don'ts will help.

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DO spark a dialogue

By the time you’ve plucked up the nerve to approach her, you panic and spew the only thing that you can squeeze out of your noggin: “So… What are you doing?” It's not clumsy questions but rather your personality and character that will pique her interest. “The coffee here is great. I come in every morning on my way to the office. Do you work in the area?” When she has told you that she works right next door and/or wants to have your babies, give her your opinion right back. This is called a conversation. “Pffft, that’s just common sense,” you may scoff, but trust me: it's an art that seems lost on a lot of people when they attempt to communicate with someone in possession of a different set of genitals.

DON’T use cheesy lines

I would rule out “chat-up lines” completely. There isn't one magical sentence that holds the key to unlocking an entire gender. Not even “Dayum gurl, are you my dead grandmother? Because I never hear from you” which has actually been used on me, incredibly. Pseudo-ironic ones are even worse - much like your Movember ‘tache, they stopped being funny a long time ago.

DON'T invade her personal space

Dear random chap, I don't know where your hand has been, but I do know where you want to put it. If you touch my hair or bum I will break your arm. Kindest regards.

DON'T have a transparent sexual agenda

The one thing worse than cheesy is skeezy. Most are more subtle than “that dress looks great on you but it would look better on my bedroom floor,” but we will know if your only interest is whether you can sexually escalate the situation. The first few times you meet someone, their face is kind of a pixellated blur of assumptions, projected hopes and sexual desperation. But what we always remember clearly is how they make us feel. Women want to feel desired but we want to feel valued as well.

DO pay her subtle compliments

If you're British, you're allowed to talk about the weather ONCE and only if you're leading somewhere with it. I'll condone one weather mention if accompanied by looking out the window contemplatively and sighing, “God, the weather is awful. You look tanned though, have you just come back from holiday?” I don't mind assumptions, either. For example, “You look like you have a creative job, do you work in the media?” If you're wrong, she'll be flattered that you called her creative. If you're right, she'll think you're an attractive Derren Brown. Either way, you're in.

DO read the situation

If she’s a reading a book, dashing down the street or has headphones in her ears, she's busy. Some bloke sidled up last week when I was neck-deep in a deadline and sweating espresso with “Gosh, are you writing a novel or something?” *Insert snorty chuckle* “Yes, actually.” “Oh. Right. I'll leave you to it then.” End of (thrilling) conversation.

DO be confident

A confident man is not a self-obsessed one. He just knows himself well enough to be open to considering others. He doesn't concentrate on questions, creating a one-sided conversation that puts the onus on the woman to “entertain” him. Instead, he makes a statement that sparks a conversation. Women can sense it if you aren't fully “present” or if your bravado is formed of poorly managed insecurity. So be yourself but do with self-assurance.

DON'T let one rejection ruin your confidence

You can spend hours analysising wheres and hows of talking to women but the one “trick” that will dramatically increase the odds of you having a relationship of any kind with a particular woman is talking to her. Plenty more fish in the sea, as they say. Just don't catch crabs.

DO show some vulnerability

Vulnerability is counter-intuitive when you're putting yourself “out there”, but it's essential in building that initial bond. Connections flourish in an open and comfortable environment by helping her trust you in return. Be genuine and tell her something about yourself and it's likely she'll respond in kind. We're not as scary as we look, honestly.

50 Dating DOs and DON’Ts

Dating can lead to all kinds of tricky situations. To help you navigate even the most awkward moments, we’ve compiled our 50 best dating tips—some new, some old—given to us by experts, moms, women like you, and even Justin Timberlake.

DON’T look for perfection.

DO expect to meet men in unexpected places.

DON’T assume that somebody’s not interested in you.