Friday 28 March 2014

Dating for dummies

Beat the odds,



Meet the man behind eHarmony



Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder



Dr. Warren is a clinical psychologist and author of eight books on love, marriage and emotional health. During 35 years of counseling thousands of married couples, Dr. Warren observed a set of characteristics that seemed to be present in all successful relationships. He called them the 29 Dimensions of Compatibility. After extensive research involving thousands of married couples, Dr. Warren confirmed that these dimensions were indeed highly predictive of relationship success and could be used to match singles. Ten years later, eHarmony's compatibility matching is responsible for nearly 4% of U. S. marriages.*



*2012 U. S. survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive®



eHarmony - #1 Trusted Online Dating Site for Singles



eHarmony is the first service within the online dating industry to use a scientific approach to matching highly compatible singles. eHarmony's matching is based on using its 29 DIMENSIONS® model to match couples based on features of compatibility found in thousands of successful relationships.



eHarmony is committed to helping singles find love every day . and with over 20 million registered online users, we are confident in our ability to do so. The eHarmony Compatibility Matching System® matches single women and men based on 29 Dimensions® of Compatibility for lasting and fulfilling relationships.



Traditional Internet dating can be challenging for those singles looking for love that lasts. But eHarmony is not a traditional dating site. Of all the single men or women you may meet online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.



4 Easy Steps to Find the Right Match.



Complete our Relationship Questionnaire and get your FREE Personality Profile.



Review your selected, highly-compatible matches FREE!



Pick the plan that best suits you when you're ready to communicate .



Get to know your matches at your own pace, and start dating !



Nearly 4% of U. S. Newlyweds Can't Be Wrong



eHarmony is different than other online dating websites and services, and we believe our success speaks for itself. On average, 438 people get married every day in the United States because of eHarmony; that accounts for nearly 4% of new U. S. marriages.* At eHarmony, we believe you deserve to find love – true love that comes with a lasting relationship. Because of this, we are committed to assisting singles everywhere in their search to find love and romantic fulfillment.



*2012 U. S. survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive® online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.



Meet People of all Ages, Races, and Religions on eHarmony



With over 20 million registered users, the eHarmony member base is an ethnically, racially, and religiously diverse group of individuals of all ages – all of whom are looking to find someone special. Amongst our most popular demographics are: Christian Singles. Jewish Singles. Black Singles. Hispanic Singles. Asian Singles. 30s Singles and Senior Singles. We understand it can be difficult to find a mate with whom you share a similar background, goals, or beliefs, and regardless of who you may be looking for, eHarmony wants to help you find the love of your life.



Find Local Singles Online



Free Personality Profile



Receive your Free Personality Profile and get matched just by taking our Relationship Questionnaire.



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Unlike traditional dating websites, eHarmony matches compatible men and women based on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility that are predictors of long-term relationship success. Determining compatibility through conventional dating methods could take months, or even years, of interaction between you and your potential partner. At eHarmony, we deliver more than personal ads . We are committed to matching you with truly compatible men or women in order to provide you with the best online dating and relationship experience possible. This is one of the many reasons why eHarmony is now the #1 Trusted Online Dating Site for American singles.



Free Online Dating Advice and Community



We at eHarmony want you to find love and romance and to make it last. To assist you in this quest, we offer free dating advice at: eH Advice. Meet people in our on line dating community, utilize our Date Planner, and receive advice from our relationship experts.



Start Dating with eHarmony Today



eHarmony Success Stories



If you've met someone special through eHarmony, please contact us and let us know how it all started and how the relationship is progressing. Thousands of eHarmony couples have shared their stories with us. To learn more about eHarmony success stories, simply click the link below.



Find True Compatibility Today



Romance for Dummies



Let’s face it. When it comes to romance, some people seem to have all the right moves, while others are more romantically challenged. If you happen to fall into the latter category, don’t worry. There is hope.



The following are 10 simple suggestions to help kick-start your R. Q. a. k.a. your romance quotient:



1. Communication is Key



The #1 rule when it comes to romance is this: listen! By listening to — and paying attention to — your sweetie’s wants, needs, and desires, you’ll gain a better understanding of what rocks your love’s world. For example, if your date’s been talking about a particular book he’d like to read or a vacation that she’s been dying to take, those are romantic cues for you to act on.



Pick up that book or, better yet, book a romantic weekend away (if and when it’s appropriate). By simply paying attention to what’s going on in your cutie’s world, you’ll be that much closer to rocking your romantic life.



2. Make your Date a Priority



Contrary to popular belief, romance is NOT dead. In fact, the best way to introduce it into your next date is to take a look at your current list of priorities and possibly give it a subtle shift. For example, if you’re a busy working professional, it’s all too easy to put your career at the top of your priorities.



However, by making your potential partner a priority, you show him or her just how thoughtful you really are. Examples of gallant gestures that’ll clue your cutie in to the fact that you’re a romance rock star include such simple acts as regularly setting aside time during the day to talk on the phone, not bringing your BlackBerry on your next date, and paying special attention to your date’s needs when you do spend time together. The simple act of being thoughtful can and will go a long way in rocking your romantic life.



3. Spontaneity Rules



Another way to infuse romance into your dating life is to embrace spontaneity. Go ahead, do the unexpected! Grab and twirl your love to the beat of a street corner musician’s song. Show up on your date’s doorstep unannounced with flowers and wine. Scrap plans for a night on the town in favor of ordering takeout food when you’re both in need of some quality quiet time together. By embracing the art of spontaneity, you celebrate your inner romantic, not to mention rock your date’s world.



4. Laughter + Romance = a Great Date



Nothing brings two people closer together quite like laughter. So if you’re looking to rock your romantic life, introduce humor into the equation. When in doubt about your own ability to make your partner laugh, take your date to a funny play, movie, or other comedic event. Afterward, you’ll have plenty to laugh and talk about. Plus, by lightening up, you just might stoke the romantic fires of your budding relationship.



5. True Romance is Priceless



Anyone with a million-dollar bank account can wine, dine, and woo someone. But true romance doesn’t have to cost a thing. If you’re on a budget, there are plenty of affordable and free ways to win over the object of your desire. From a simple serenade to a heartfelt love note to a moonlit stroll arm in arm, showing your sweetie your sensitive side is a far more meaningful romantic act than showering your date with money, expensive gifts, or a flashy experience.



6. Compliment, Compliment, Compliment!



When in doubt, a compliment goes a long way. After all, who doesn’t like to hear something nice about themselves? And it doesn’t have to be mushy or gushy. Your compliment can be as simple as telling your date how fantastic her perfume smells, how terrific he looks under the stars, or how much you’re enjoying her company. The point is to make your compliment genuine and fitting in the moment.



7. Give your Date Plenty of Space



As much as we all enjoy being wooed, there IS such a thing as romance overkill. The key to avoid going overboard lies in giving your date plenty of attention when you’re together, but also giving him or her space when you’re apart. That doesn’t mean that you never call (especially if you said you would). But you don’t call 20 times a day. You don’t suck up all of your sweetie’s free time. You still have a life of your own. And you give your partner plenty of space to enjoy his or her own life. As the old saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Create a little space between you and your date, and the romance will most likely heat up in no time.



8. Master the art of Mood, Location, and Ambience



The key to setting the perfect romantic scene lies in the subtle details. If you become a master at creating a sultry mood in the perfect location, surrounded by all the right details, you exponentially increase your chances of romantic success. But remember — romance should never be generic. What woos one person will fizzle with another. Be sure to pay attention to your date’s likes and dislikes, and then incorporate them into every detail of your romantic scene.



9. Practice makes Perfect



Like the old saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” If and when you encounter a romantic roadblock (or an all-out dating disaster), don’t give up. Remember that romance takes practice. Give yourself permission to try new things, and accept if and when they don’t net the desired romantic results. Communicate with your date to find out what went wrong and how to remedy the situation next time. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and give romance another try.



10. Keep romance Alive



Once you’ve wooed the object of your desire and have won him or her over, the romance doesn’t stop there. In fact, in a healthy relationship, romance never dies. You owe it to yourself, your partner, and your happily-ever-after future to keep the spark alive for as long as your relationship’s alive.



When in doubt, review all 10 tips for rocking your romantic life. Mix it up! Avoid becoming predictable. And above all, pay attention to and listen to your partner’s ever-evolving wants, needs, and desires. In doing so, you’ll keep your cutie happy while rocking your own romantic needs.



Flirting Tips for Dating



Part of the Dating For Dummies Cheat Sheet



When you're on a date, flirting is a delightful way to make your date — and you, for that matter — feel irresistible and tingly all over. The point of flirting with your date is interest; that's why it's so alluring. Here are some flirting do's and don'ts:



Use your whole body. Lean forward, make eye contact, smile, bend your knees a bit, and relax your hands and arms. Make very, very sure your breath is very, very sweet: no onions, garlic, coffee, or ciggy in the recent past.



Make eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes is very alluring. And it makes your date feel like he or she has your undivided attention, which is as it should be.



Smile, don't smirk. Smile openly and sincerely — it's irresistible.



Pay attention. No looking like you're trying to remember if you fed the cat.



Lighten up; don't bulldoze. Telling your date she or he is incredibly hot isn't flirting; it's steering your dating experience directly into a mountain.



Focus on your partner, not yourself. Make your date feel as though every word is a pearl of wisdom.



Enjoy yourself. Fun is the flirter's playground. And once you're having fun, it's easy to get others to play.



Wimminz – celebrating skank ho's everywhere



Internet Dating for Dummies



First off, I accept that lots of guys think dating = pursuing women, which is a bad thing. I don’t, for me dating is sex, I like sex and I’m not going to give it up, so I adopt a strategy that gets me the sex I want at minimal hassle.



I have thought long and hard about writing this, should I shouldn’t I, am I giving away the secrets I need and in doing so will I render them useless and subject myself to a sexual desert?



Nope, that was never on the cards, simple supply and demand, this approach does not rely on or require secrecy or hidden knowledge in any way, on the contrary, I am writing this because I think it may be instructive and useful, and being a personal and anecdotal tale, it should sound more real and doable than some Game check-list.



I should also state up front, and freely admit, I am a male slut.



I have designed and built dating websites, I was relating this to a chick I met (and fucked) last night, because she was telling me that she had in the past assumed that dating websites that charge men for membership would act like a filter and provide her with a higher quality source of men, but she had found that this was not the case, in fact if anything it was the opposite.



I told her that in the design process, you turn around to the owner and ask “How many fake profiles do you want? 10,000? 20,000?” because the software does it all, and then anyone thinking of signing up sees a pic of a hot babe with 38EE who likes to TIUTA (take it up the ass) and who lives 7 miles away… e. g. paid dating sites are about one thing and one thing only, getting people to get the plastic out and sign up.



This chick tells me (we met in a pub car park) that the last guy she met took her to this same pub, but he took her inside for a meal, and then got pissy when she decided she didn’t want to fuck him that night, whereas she met me in the car park, hopped in my car, and 15 minutes later is legs apart being toyed with and begging to be fucked, which later happened, and I did not buy her a damn thing…There is a HUGE (a)moral lesson there for you guys, pay dating site, play nice, buy her a meal, get sweet fuck all, use a free dating site, don’t buy her anything, get called a “cheapskate” and 5 minutes later she offers to spread em for you right there in the car park.



This chick tells me (she has kids, the kids have a father) during light clitoral manipulation (arousal + orgasm denial) that;



She has had a MMF threesome in the past 12 months



She has had a MFF threesome in the past 12 months.



She has had a MMFF foursome in the past.



She is interested in dogging (sex in cars in public places) but has never done it.



She wants to be made to lick/suck my fingers, which are probing both holes.



She will do anything I want.



Now, before you start going off on what a skank she obviously is, and indeed what a skank I obviously am, think on this… we know from the chick herself that NONE of this was on offer to the guy who bought her a meal, but consider this… how much of it do you think was on offer to her ex, the father of her kids?



Think long and hard on that one.



You don’t really believe that she suddenly became a skank after splitting up with her ex, do you?



I tell the chick there are three things I am interested in, honesty, loyalty, and obedience, the last one particularly in the bedroom, SHE PAYS ATTENTION, I said this immediately before she spread her legs, then said I was interested in what was between her legs, and she spread them. In response to my three things the chick is offering me “Friends”, which is soon clarified as “friends with benefits”, e. g. she does not want a relationship, at least not yet, but she will offer kinky casual sex, on demand, is that acceptable? Contrast this to the guy who bought her a fucking meal ….



Naturally, being a post-FRA (False Rape Accused) prior to turning up in the car park I have phone text messages between us of an explicit sexual nature, and my phone text message history is regularly archived and then backed up off the phone with a further copy off my premises into the cloud. just in case.



Expenditure to date, free membership of PoF (Plenty of Fish), some free bundled with the phone contract SMS messages, 20 miles worth of fuel. Time elapsed to date 4 days… this is one of *many* chicks on the production line.



Naturally enough after the deed is done and we go our separate ways I flatly ignore her, some time later I get a text message “Hope you got home OK?” to which I give a non-committal reply “yep” to which she replies “u r amazin lol x x x x”



Can’t overstate how crucial it is YOU don’t message HER first, and how crucial it is you are casual and dismissive.



Was she as good looking as Bardot at 16? Hell no, she was a mummy who admitted she was overweight and sought reassurance about it three times, and every time got the same response “You look fine bent over” but she was a hell of a long way from obese, and she was still young enough that the collapse had only just started. But it was free. And basically zero effort.



So, how do you get from sat at home to sitting with your finger in the pie, for free?



I always , WITHOUT EXCEPTION. make a POINT of making these women ASK / BEG me, SPECIFICALLY, to do each any every single sexual act that I do. I explain it as being a vampire; I cannot go anywhere that I am not specifically invited. I have text records of these specific, sexual, requests, I have audio records, I have video records, I have 1080p HD video records, of these women literally begging me to do specific sexual acts with them.



Plenty of Fish is an interesting site from a psychological point of view.



As has been mentioned previously, most of the women on there are nuts, most of them seriously crazy, avoid at all costs material, but there really are plenty of fish in the sea, enough for everyone.



Don’t bother with a profile pic, not unless you want to make the subsequent job harder.



Do have a couple, literally private pics that can be sent on request, ideally these will be one of you wearing a shirt and tie, and one of you doing something manly and solo like riding your motorcycle.



NEVER, EVER, EVER . use photos were you are looking into the camera, be looking off to the side, ideally waist up, camera looking up at you. never camera level or looking down, the wimminz ALL want to know what you are looking at, etc. etc.



Make sure your profile is direct, write it like you were writing it for a man to read, “ Not interested in a princess ” and “ Not interested in watching Springer ” and “ Not interested in wimmins issues ” (spell it “wimmins”) are all essential elements. build on them. Make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that somewhere on your profile it says words to the effect of “I fuck on first dates.”



The idea is to drive away the freaks, these phrases are like garlic to the vampire for wimmins.



This is YOUR “shit test” for THEM.



Once you have got your profile sorted, it may take two or three goes to get right, you need to settle down to your strategy. YOUR profile isn’t really a profile, it is something between a filter and an employment ad, which is as it should be, and while it will attract attention on its own, this is not enough.



Since we are going to be talking bulk here, you have zero chance of ever remembering names and getting them straight, so before you even start you need to train yourself to use one generic name for ALL women, “babe”, for example, it doesn’t matter a damn what it is, but you have to use it for ALL women, even get in the habit of using it to talk to the waitress serving your coffee, (If you can’t use it on her, it isn’t a good name) but you must use it on all women. This has three distinct benefits;



It’s efficient, this is about maximum return with minimum effort.



You can’t get anyone’s name wrong.



It shows subconsciously you don’t think enough of them to remember or use their given name.



So now your filter / advert is in place, how to attract fishes?



The most important rule is flatly ignore anything and everything a woman writes on a profile … even IF what she writes is true, what is true for a woman today may not be true tomorrow. or next Tuesday, or with you, and basically you must remember that this is about maximum return for minimum effort, so the best thing you can possibly do is simply ignore everything they write.



This is important because you need to get in the habit of automatically not believing anything a woman says, if this is true in real life then it is true with bells on, on a dating site… if a woman on a dating site tells you the sky is blue, look up and check, and keep checking.



They often lie about where they live for example, by as much as 25 miles, so to catch all women in a 25 mile radius you need to search a 50 mile radius. So you can see immediately where believing anything a woman says on a profile is harmful to your mission.



Since women’s profiles are basically a pack of lies, it is obvious that it is a sheer waste of time looking through them, what we need to concentrate on are the pictures.



Men, being men, will still read the bloody profiles when they are supposed to be looking at the pictures, lesson H above doesn’t really sink in at this stage, you’ll get all the proof you want later on, for now, take it as a fact spoken by a fellow man.



Since we only care about the pictures, and since we only care about efficiency, we can now move along to the PoF feature known as “Meet Me” which is a bit like “hot or not” ratings, with three choices, Meet, Maybe and No.



Now for some strange reason, I have found that I personally get a better and larger response when doing this on the PoF app on my Android smartphone than I do on the PC, maybe just me, maybe photos on a smaller screen alters my judgement, who knows, but I have observed it, so it is worth a mention.



Things to look for in a photo of a woman; (Meet, Maybe, No)



The hands and neck are the real giveaway, the profile age will claim she is 10 years younger than you, the hands belong to your granny, and she’s been dead and buried for 20 years.



Upper arms are a good guide to over-all body weight and excess fat, lots of pear shaped women know their huge ass will put you off, so you get a head and shoulders shot, but the upper arms will still give away their body weight, don’t forget the poorer the quality of the camera / photo, the less clinically obese, fat and fucking ugly a woman looks.



Bright red lipstick or large ear rings are a personality danger sign, jog on. Definite NO.



Never focus on what you are being shown, if the tits / cleavage are being emphasised, look closely at the other bits you can see.



You’re not a judge in a beauty pageant, this isn’t “hot or not” either, this is “nope, not even with your dick” and “hmmm”, we are trying to drive traffic to your profile, no more, so just exclude the obvious fuglies.



Save the MEET button for the ones that look half decent, everything else is a MAYBE, only use NOT for the serious fuglies.



Do this every day, once a day, only takes a few minutes.



Only ever look at the pictures, and don’t spend ages pondering each one, she isn’t worth it, just click one of the three choices and rinse and repeat.



Now the reason all the above is important is because according to everything in her profile, all her stated preferences, and her “who can contact me” choices (which Meet Me ignores, anyone with a profile pic goes in Meet Me) last night’s chick was looking for the exact opposite of me, in fact I was damn near everything she said she didn’t want…



Please read that last paragraph again.



Now read it AGAIN, this time imagine you were her ex, or the guy who bought her dinner at that pub…



“Want to smell my fingers?” that’s not MY comment, that was her parting comment to me, about what I was probably going to be saying later that night to some other guy…



Now, if you think I am a skank male ho, using PoF to hook up with skank female ho’s, and we should all be meeting soon at the STD clinic, let me tell you something, in fact, let me tell you three things I have discovered in decades of fucking unknown numbers of women;



100% of all women I have ever met and fucked were like this.



100% of all women on dating sites are like this.



100% of all women are like this.



If they are NOT acting like a skank ho with you, that doesn’t mean that they are not capable of it, or that they don’t like it, it just means they ain’t acting like that with YOU, so you need to address your attitudes to her, or to women in general, because someone out there will scratch that itch for them.



So; your message inbox now has some “Hi, I read your profile and laughed” messages, and some others, again, ignore everything they say, and give some non-commital, very busy, inundated with replies from other women, reply to them, generic will do.



Make sure you mention that all the women seem to be crazy.



Within 10 or 12 of these short messages (which you NEVER delete from the system) suggest you take it to phone text.



If they flake, BLOCK THEM. Don’t waste another second.



You have now effectively thrown 100% of all the women in your radius at your filters, and you are left with the less than 1% that are possible / probable, but don’t worry, new profiles are being added every day, there are plenty of new fish in the sea, a never ending supply.



Expect to take a month, 5 minutes every day in the morning doing the Meet me, and 10/15 minutes every day in the evening doing the messaging, before you hit take off speed.



Allow one minor shit test per woman, and reply with some comment along the lines of “Do any men actually buy that shit?” reply which is a shit test of your own, if they flunk it, BLOCK THEM. Don’t waste another second.



While using the PoF messaging service, don’t go any further than innuendo, women don’t like it.



When you get to phone text, to women this is more personal and intimate, move quickly from innuendo to outright sex talk, women like it.



Do not under any circumstances agree to voice calls at this stage.



Nor should you ever under any circumstances answer any questions about you being a player, just field them right back, and be dismissive, “My profile says I am 100% single and I am.”



Just to give you an idea, my last three;



Worked in real estate, text messages asking me to promise I would fist her on the first meet.



Worked in the prestige motor trade, text messages about handcuffs and submission on the first meet.



Worked in the medical trade, text messages asking me to cum all over her tits, rub it in, and make her lick my hands and finger clean on the first meet.



All three lived up to the promises. and these were not just a blip… rather they are a representative sample.



Treat women like decent human beings and they will sooner or later abandon you and fuck you over, treat them like skank ho’s and without exception they will do their utmost to live up to the promises they make you… think about that.



#1 was a one night, it will take her some weeks or months to come back for seconds, until that itch needs scratching again. (So don’t be chivalrous, do everything the first night)



#2 is an on-going FwB (Friends with benefits) this is a rich chick who is torn between the life she has, the sex life she has with me, and the possibility of something in the future tying up the two.



#3 is going to be a FwB who is torn between the life she has, the sex life she now has with me, and the possibility of something in the future tying up the two.



Bottom line;



My maximum expenditure is a cup of coffee, call it a buck because I ain’t buying you some Starbucky mocha crap.



My ass is covered thanks to the PoF message history, phone text message history, and phone camera still and video, all of which are always archived etc. etc. It never gets to the point where you start trusting and stop archiving / recording .



After the first month you start getting results, after two you start to get regular sex, after three you have a network of FwB available.



DO NOT get complacent and lazy at this point, keep fishing in the sea, you have to account for attrition… FwB eventually move on, whether it is their choice or yours, either way keep those archives for the rest of your life, just in case.



My true expenditure is an internet connection and a decent android smartphone on contract, and the odd bit of fuel.



In exchange I get all the kinky sex I can handle, around 1/3 of your FwB will feed and water you (to show they can cook and care for you) and you get out of the house a lot.



You get to re-affirm the true nature of women, because it is all too easy for a man to forget and start getting rosy notions.



Closing thoughts.



“This guy is nothing but a skank ho, lead on by his dick!”



Dude, I was the subject of a malicious, evil, calculated and pre-meditated False Rape Accusation, the Police treated me as guilty until proven innocent, no apology, the Family Court solicitors treated me like an ATM, the Family Court judge treated me like Al Bundy’s deviant and inbred cousin, the Child protection services treated me like Vlad the impaler, and 95% of all these highly paid people were women, and the two “males” involved were limp dicks at best.



You think I have any high moral callings left. Seriously.



And yet, take a good long hard look at what I do.



I set out my wares



I specifically ensure, in quintuplicate, that these women REQUEST everything that we do.



I am brutally honest with all of them



I give them exactly what they want, and get exactly what I want in return.



So, what is wrong with this?



Nothing, unless you are still labouring under the white knight illusions that you were raised with, that women are worthy of respect… NAWALT… Really? Funny how I haven’t met one yet that ain’t actually like one, in the privacy of an intimate encounter subsequent to hooking up on a dating site.



Maybe a lot of guys don’t want to look too closely at women, because they don’t want the truth.



Women, for their part, are quite happy to accept the truth, provided the guy is happy to be discreet, fuck them senseless and be a FwB… after all, there is always some other sucker out there who will buy them dinner up front and who they don’t even need to fuck.



Assuming a guy that well mannered, kind, considerate and polite can actually deliver, and fist them in the pub car park 15 minutes after meeting them….



Piano For Dummies Review



Costs:



$24.99 - Currently discounted to $16.49 on Amazon



Features:



368 pages, divided into seven sections:



'Warming Up to the Keyboard'



Introduction to the different keyboard instruments.



Guide to the correct posture for playing the piano.



'Getting Sound Down on Paper'



Tutoring in all the basic aspects of notation.



'One Hand at a Time'



Introduction to playing with one hand at a time.



Scales and exercises to practice technique.



'Living in Perfect Harmony'



Information on intervals and harmony.



Help in understanding the different keys.



Examples of how to use chords in your playing, and how to form different chords.



'Technique Counts for Everything'



Introduction to the main principles of musical expression and improvisation, including articulation, creating riffs, intros and outros, and substitution chords.



'So Many Toys, So Little Time'



Information to help you make the right decision when you buy a piano or keyboard.



Brief guide to MIDI and recording.



Introduction to keyboard maintenance.



'The Part of Tens'



Guide to previous pianists and masters of the piano in different genres and times.



Inspiration on what to do after reading the book.



65+ pieces of music for you to play.



CD featuring all of the musical examples in the book.



Editor's Verdict:



The greatest achievement of Piano for Dummies is that it takes the pianist right from the decisions of what sort of piano to buy, through to where to find a teacher or further information should you want it. And, of course, it has absolutely everything in between. Notation is dealt with in minute detail and the other particulars of musical theory, such as key, timing and articulation are all written about with greater clarity than you are likely to find anywhere else in one book.



However, most piano instruction books deal with these basics. Where Piano for Dummies differs is in the wealth of information it provides in all the peripheral issues of piano playing. For instance, if you do not already have a piano the book will provide you with all the information you need to make the decision of whether you should buy acoustic or electric, what sort you should buy, and all the pros and cons of the various alternatives. And whereas some music books leave you stranded once you have read them, Piano for Dummies gives you a detailed list of ten possible things to do next, from buying additional music and playing with others to listening to recordings and attending live concerts. Such a complete guide through the world of piano is hard to come by.



Despite this comprehensiveness, you may come into difficulties with the book if you have a different sense of humor from that of the author. Although a certain amount of lightheartedness can be forgiven, (and even applauded in an educational book), Piano for Dummies at times goes too far. At the beginning of the book you will be greeted by a page of piano-themed cartoons. This starts your reading off in a good mood, but you will soon realize that the jokes continue throughout the book, and it is easy to tire of them. If you can manage to ignore them (or even enjoy them!), you will have no problem with the book. If, on the other hand, you cannot stand such frivolity, maybe this is not the right book for you.



The jokes do take up a large amount of space, as do a fair number of 'empty' words that do not really tell you anything. However, it is difficult to see how the author could have included more information without straying from the 'for Dummies' requirement. Although the book certainly begins as a book for those with no musical experience whatsoever, it progresses into some of the more complex concepts and techniques. Any further information would have been too much for a beginners' book, so although it is easy to resent the jokes for taking up too much space, they are not replacing anything more important or worthwhile. Everything that you would want in a guide for beginners is there.



The book includes over sixty-five pieces for you to play - it is hard to give an exact number, as there are some examples of the same piece in two keys, or of small exercises or musical ideas that do not really count as pieces. This may sound a lot, but in reality it is not going to last you long. You will be able move through many of the earlier pieces quickly, once you have grasped the technique. And once you have moved on you are unlikely to want to revisit pieces that will be increasingly below your level of expertise. Therefore, while you are progressing through the book, and certainly once you have finished it, it is advisable to buy supplementary material to aid your progress further. The CD that comes with the book is good as a free gift, but is unlikely to help you if you are having real problems with the music. As a guide for playing speeds and styles, however, it does its job perfectly well.



What we liked about Piano for Dummies was that, even for someone who has been playing the piano for years, there are still things to learn in the book. If you buy this as a beginner, you may still find that it is a useful reference tool in several years' time. Of particular note was the list of famous pianists from across the ages and the guide to the different keyboard instruments. Even after you have progressed far beyond the level that Piano for Dummies can offer, you may still find a use for it, so keep it on your shelf just in case!



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