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Loveisrespect. org
Dealing with Rejection
Have you ever been rejected by someone you really liked? Maybe you tried to talk to someone you had a crush on, and they totally ignored you. Maybe you asked out that cutie from chemistry, and they said no. You probably felt disappointed, embarrassed, sad, upset, or maybe a little angry.
We get it - rejection’s not fun, so how do you deal with it?
First of all, understand that rejection is a part of life
It’s a sucky part of life, but rejection happens to all of us at some point, whether it’s being told no for a job, a scholarship, acceptance to college, or a date with a certain person. It can be really difficult not to take “no” personally. But part of dating is opening yourself up to someone else, and with that comes the possibility that they may not respond the way you want them to. Just remember that your whole self-worth doesn’t have to be wrapped up in whether or not someone wants to date you - there’s so much more to you than who you’re dating! And while rejection might sting at first, it also allows other opportunities to come into our lives, and maybe that can (eventually) be a good thing.
Accept how you feel
Like we said before, you might feel disappointed or upset after being told no. These feelings are normal and you can definitely work through them! First, it’s important to just acknowledge and accept how you feel. You could try saying to yourself: “Hey, this really sucks, and I’m [sad, hurt, angry]. But it’s going to be okay.” Keep in mind, rejection can trigger a lot of unhealthy feelings and behaviors, so check in with yourself: are you acting out? are your feelings starting to get a little out of control? are you building things up in your mind that aren’t true? If so, it could help to journal about your feelings. or talk to a friend, family member, or counselor you trust. You could also call, chat or text with a loveisrespect peer advocate.
Be respectful of the other person’s decision and feelings
So you asked someone out and they said no. Ouch. We know it hurts, but yelling at them, stalking them, or trying to coerce or intimidate them into dating you after they’ve said no are considered unhealthy or even abusive behaviors. The healthy response is to respect their decision. No one owes anyone their affections, and everyone has the right to decide who they will and won’t date. Even if you think you’d be perfect for each other, if the other person doesn’t feel the same way, they have a right to their feelings.
Focus on stuff that you enjoy
You might want to take a step back from the situation and just focus on yourself for a while. Hang out with friends, watch movies, listen to music, learn a new skill - anything that interests you and that you find fun. This is helpful because it reminds you that you have your own life and lots of other great things going on! And hey, even though one person said no, that doesn’t mean you’ll never find someone else who says yes.
If you’ve got dating questions and need to talk to someone, our peer advocates are here to listen and support you. Call, chat, or text with us 24/7!
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Online Dating: A Man's Guide For Women Seeking Love On Match. com
I am a single widowed man age 49 who has met some personable, attractive women on Match. com. But it’s a bit of a slog (next!) because so many profiles that I have seen are poorly constructed and not thoughtfully put together. Which is why I feel compelled to tell my story of what NOT to write in order to find a mate -- or just a date. I know it’s tough out there, and I know, it’s easier for men than women. Which is why -- I have a sister after all -- I want to be honest about what works and what doesn’t from a guy who genuinely likes women. Not just the sex part. The whole Venus and Mars planetary divide part. Take it for what’s it worth -- free advice from one on the other end.
1. First, ignore any overture that isn't polite and genuine and well-written. Don't respond to electronic winks. That's just some lazy slob who probably can’t write or has decided you are not worth the time to write.
2. Second: Put some honest effort into picking your pictures. This is real estate. And we -- men or women -- are the property. Look happy, look fun, look exotic if you want, but the picture you post should be engaging and reflect you. You MUST smile. Sometimes the pictures people put up look like they just came out of prison. If you can't take or own three nice, normal pictures of yourself, then either you have no friends or you’re just lazy or you don't care. Which is why -- I skip by your pictures. I auto skip anyone with only one picture no matter how beautiful. I skip anyone whose photo is of them standing in the bathroom shooting themselves in the mirror with their iPhone. Seriously? That's the best you got? Also be honest -- don’t post pictures that will disappoint in real life. When people see you in person they should be thinking that you are as lovely as your picture -- or even lovelier.
3. You are only as good as your worst picture. Don't put up three photos where you look great and one photo where you look like you slept with pigs in a haystack the whole night with the caption. " I slept in a haystack all night! "I think its cool (sort of) you slept in a hay stack, but if you look like crap in the picture, I'm going to assume that you will look like crap if we ever end up in the haystack together. And yes, as “mean” as that sounds, appearances matter.
4. Do not pick sex kitten pictures but in your profile write how you want only a serious relationship. Nobody will believe you but they will lie to you because that is what you said you wanted but is not what they are interested in. So now everyone's lying. Keep doing this if that’s what you want.
5. Do not write “I am a sexually confident woman” unless you want to be with guys who are submissive or guys who think they are more sexually confident and can’t wait to show you. You can BE sexually confident, but don't write that -- you'll just attract weirdoes.
6. Be honest. Write what YOU want, not what you think someone else wants. Somehow, I don't think that 85 percent of women in the online dating world would really choose watching Sunday football and baseball on TV as a favorite activity, but apparently they do. It rings hollow. If it’s not true, don't write it.
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