Dating mistakes women

Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40

Is your profile withering away online? Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? If so, you are likely making at least one of the mistakes commonly made by women over 40 who are using online dating as their new discos. (Really…where do you meet men these days?)

Unfortunately, all it takes is one major profile mistake to potentially sabotage any chance of finding love — or even a few good dates. Because, let’s face it, the odds are not in our favor, ladies. As we get older the man-to-woman ratio moves more and more lopsided. Some statistics show that for every man over 50, there are up to 5 women; over 60, ten women, and so on. Ugh! The days of sitting back and waiting for anything incoming are over. If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, it pays to create the best possible profile and keep it polished and shiny. Because if it doesn’t catch his interest right away, it only takes a single click for him to find one that does.

The good news is that unlike a lot of things in life, your profile is easy to change and update. And once you know how it is inadvertently turning off the men who are looking for a positive, fun connection, it’s really not that difficult. Here are the top five profile mistakes common to women over 40, along with specific tips to make your profile more appealing and reflective of the best you.

1) It’s a shopping list. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list. Once you’ve hit your 40s and beyond, you kind of know what works for you and what doesn’t. Many women use their profile as a list of their likes and dislikes. That can be a turn-off. The purpose of your profile is to market you. If you do a good job describing yourself and painting a picture of what it feels like to be in a relationship with you, it will attract the right men and repel the wrong ones. So focus more on what you have to offer, and less on what they can do for you. I guarantee you’ll see the immediate payoff in the quality of men you attract.

2) It’s too needy. Here are some statements I see every day in women’s profiles: “I’ve waited so long for the right relationship and I hope it’s finally my time.” “I’m ready to be his everything.” “I’m looking for a relationship where we are totally devoted to each other.” While some of this may be true for you, it’s not something to put in a profile. The man reads this as you having incredibly high expectations and reliance on your relationship for your happiness. Remember, he doesn’t even know you. If you wouldn’t say it on your first date, don’t write it in your profile.

3) It’s not needy enough. Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are particularly guilty of this. After all, you’ve probably accomplished a lot in your life without a man and are prepared to continue doing so. Be careful not to sound like there is no room in your life for a relationship. It often goes something like this: “I spend my days as a busy lawyer and my evenings teaching courses at the local college. Many weekends are spent training for my next marathon and singing in my church choir.” Whew! You can go on to say that you look forward to a relationship, but really…where can a man possibly see time for himself in that picture? Also, avoid these statements: “I don’t need a man, but it would be nice to have one in my life.” Or, “I’ve been fine all these years without a man but I’ll make room for the right one .” Men, just like women, don’t want to feel like an accessory in someone else’s life. They especially need to feel needed and like an important contributor to your life. If you make it sound like you can take it or leave it, they are likely to help you leave it.

4) It’s too boring. “I love spending time with my friends, volunteering and reading novels.” When a man reads this his eyes glaze over and he moves on to the next profile. It’s too generic, common and, frankly says nothing about you that’s interesting. Instead, be more specific and paint a picture for him. Such as, “A great evening for me is trying out the newest ethnic food restaurant with a few good friends and disagreeing about the controversial exhibit at the art museum.” Or, “Sunday mornings you’ll find me at the SPCA walking dogs and then off to my favorite breakfast joint for their fresh brewed coffee and chile relleno. I like mine extra spicy.” (Okay, doesn’t hurt to flirt a little.)

5) You sound like a Debbie Downer. Does your profile sound like someone who likes to have a good time? Don’t be negative or too serious. “I’ve tried online dating before and it didn’t work, but I’m trying it again.” Or “I’ve had a lot of challenges and hardships over the last 20 years and now I’m ready for a change.” Or “I’ve devoted my life to my children and caring for my elderly parents…now it’s my turn.” Again, this all may be true, but it’s important to let your prospective match know that spending time with you will be enjoyable…otherwise why would they want to contact you? When was the last time you read a man’s profile and thought “Wow, he sounds like he really needs me to cheer him up…I definitely want to meet him!” Spend your initial time letting him know how you relax and enjoy yourself and how being with you will add positively to both of your lives. You can roll out the “heavy” information as you get to know each other.

As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40. I’ve seen (and done) it all when it comes to online dating. I’ve seen how rewriting a profile, making it more positive, more aspirational, and less demanding can help the right guys find their way to your inbox. I’ve also seen how it creates love connections. My husband and I met and married when I was 47 and I’m now spending the happiest years of my life. Let me know how it goes for you!

Bobbi invites you to join her Grownup Girls’ Night Out! Every month she supports you with a different topic about dating, relationships. intimacy and more…exclusively for women over 40. Learn how to attract smart, interesting, relationship-minded men that are RIGHT for you. You can register here for free.

Top Three Mistakes Women Make When Posting Photos on Their Dating Profiles

After reviewing hundreds of women’s dating profiles on various popular dating sites, I would like to share with you the following top three mistakes women make with regard to the photos they post, based on my observations. I would then like to suggest several practical recommendations on how you can make your dating profile photos and therefore your whole profile more attractive to men:

1. Posting “trashy” photos. Browsing profile after profile I saw photos of women in extremely revealing skimpy outfits standing at a bar/club with their girlfriends and posing provocatively – like strippers. This is about the most common mistake that women make when posting their images on dating sites. While it’s a good idea to convey to guys that you know how to have a good time, this is about the worst way to do it. You cannot expect to be taken seriously as a woman and a potential dating partner if that’s how you present yourself to the male world. Remember, there is a huge difference between elegant and classless, sexy and trashy, enticing and intriguing and grossly provocative. The photo below is an actual photo of a member of one of the more popular online dating sites.

2. Posting photos with your kids. It’s great that you are raising a child and he is your priority in life, and you should certainly be honest and upfront about it, mentioning it in your profile and perhaps even posting one photo of you and your baby. However, there is no need for you to turn your kid into the main focus of your profile. You must keep in mind the purpose of posting your dating profile. You are not there to look for a babysitter or a new father figure for your child. You are looking for a potential dating partner. Focusing your photos around your kid/s will give guys the wrong idea. They will immediately assume that you are not going to be available to talk to them, see them and spend time with them because of the fact that all of your time and attention consumed by your children, even if that’s not the case.

3. Posting only the photos of your face. Whether you take pride in your body or whether you don’t and you think that you could lose a few pounds, there is no point in hiding it. If you have nice body, there is no reason to hide it. You don’t have to post bikini photos or any other overly erotic or suggestive images of yourself, but posting at least one full-height photo in form fitting dress or jeans and a top will give every guy an idea that you are not hiding anything. If you are overweight, still show what you look like. It’s who you are today and you should be open about it. Showing only your face on the dating site to only later see that look of disappointment on a guy’s face when he meets you face-to-face is going to be much more hurtful and will waste much more time to both of you than allowing men to see what your body looks like before you meet in person.

Keep the above three points in mind when you are thinking about posting photos on your online dating profile, and your photos will make your profile more attractive and more honest.

The 4 Most Common Dating Mistakes Women Make

Albert Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” This seems especially true when it comes to dating. You may accidentally call your date Bob when his name is Bill. You may spill a glass of red wine on his nice, new suit. You might get a glob of spinach stuck in your teeth (which you’ll notice two hours after dinner).

Blunders and bloopers happen—that’s life. But some women make mistakes by not thinking ahead and not being aware of what they’re doing at the moment. Here are some of the most common ones:

1. Talking about long-term commitment too soon

Although it is untrue that all men are afraid of commitment, most prefer to ease into the subject slowly and after plenty of time spent getting to know their partner. It is a mistake to fish around for clues as to how your date feels about “your future together.” The first weeks and months of dating should be devoted to getting acquainted and enjoying each other—without the pressure of “what lies ahead.” If dating is destined to grow into a long-term relationship, you will both know when the time is right to bring it up. No need to force the issue or try to foretell the future.

2. Unloading past relationship baggage

By the time you begin dating as an adult, you have probably had your heart broken a time or two. It is painful. We vow to learn from past wounds and never let it happen again. But dating is a chance to meet someone new. Talking about past relationships, and all the ways in which you were mistreated, invites old ghosts to join you on your date. What was supposed to be a quiet, romantic dinner can suddenly seem very crowded. The time may come for you to discuss your past experiences, but be judicious and cautious about sharing too much too soon.

3. Conducting a “job interview”

A friend of mine joked that he was going to take a copy of his resume on future dates, since several recent ones had seemed more like job interviews than conversations. It is natural to want to know as much as you can about your date: his tastes, experiences, career, and hobbies. You may want to know about his family and past romantic relationships. But probing too far too fast can come across as nosy and intrusive.

4. Being ungrateful and unappreciative

Some women don’t realize that planning and pulling off a date can cause lots of anxiety for a man. It takes guts to ask someone out, and it takes careful consideration to orchestrate a nice evening. Show gratitude for the effort. The words “Thank You” go a long way.

Mistakes come in all sizes. Some dating fumbles can even be charming. A little awareness can help ensure that yours won’t be so big as to rule out future dates.

Read on for similar articles in our Stages of Love road map!

5 Mistakes Women Make When Dating after Divorce

You just nibbled through an entire bar of dark chocolate. Your divorce papers are finally signed. You are 55, single and thinking about dating. The last time you had a first date, you wore jackets with shoulder pads and permed your hair. You are "out there" again, and the dating world has changed a lot since the eighties.

I'm divorced too and can empathize. Put down the chocolate; it really isn't so bad out there. According to a recent article on Match. com. single boomers over fifty years old are enjoying the benefits of their new status. Seventy-five percent of women and 81 percent of men say that they are experiencing dating success. My advice is to get out there, but avoid these common mistakes I see women make after divorce.

Dating too soon after the divorce: I learned this lesson early. I only dated because my ex had a girlfriend, and it was my way to personally retaliate. Who did it hurt? Me! I was a dating disaster since I wasn't truly ready. Starting to date again can be an overwhelming experience. My self-esteem was damaged and I felt stuck. I needed to work through my personal issues before I could be successful in dating. Fortunately, I had the help of a wonderful professional counselor who helped me move forward. Many women go straight to their girlfriends for advice on dating and relationships when a professional source is needed. An unbiased professional -- someone who sees issues objectively -- is a better choice. A coach will tell you the truth about your readiness to date. A well-meaning friend may not be so honest. My advice is, before you join the dating boomers, seek out professional help from a trained counselor or coach like myself. In this case, you need a coach more than you need to eat another chocolate bar with a girlfriend!

Being afraid to go solo: Solo is the way to go when you are looking to meet someone to date. Although we love being with our girlfriends, constantly traveling with a group of gal pals is a recipe for disaster. I know it takes time to feel comfortable traveling alone, so you need to practice. I suggest taking a class, going to a show, concert, movie or opera alone. Take yourself out for dinner and sit near the bar area. If you're feeling confident, have dinner at the bar. If you spot someone of interest, catch his eye for a few seconds and smile. Perhaps he will come over and introduce himself. If he doesn't, count it as practice. A woman alone is approachable, confident and mysterious. The more you practice going out alone, the easier it is. I tell clients, if you want to meet an interesting man, be an interesting woman. Remember, men are attracted to women who are independent and fun -- women who have interesting lives of their own.

Being someone other than your "genuine self" on a first date: Talking about work may feel safe, but it's not a good first date conversation. If you had a bad day, stay home unless you can bring a positive, approachable attitude along. Before going out, I put on some upbeat or romantic music, dance by myself in my home and think happy thoughts. I leave my past in the past. If you don't have time to go home prior, dress for work in something "dateable" like a wrap dress, a pencil skirt, or a fabulous sweater or satin blouse that makes you feel pretty. Focus on a positive mood, be aware of your posture and stand tall. Add your favorite perfume, freshen your makeup and hair and smile. Your smile is always your most important beauty accessory and a welcoming appearance enhancer.

Breaking plans to date: It's a mistake to break plans with girlfriends or alter your schedule if dating conflicts occur. Men don't change their schedules and you shouldn't either. Do keep doing what you enjoy and incorporate new experiences into a broadening social scene. I attend movie classes alone and add new classes each year to my schedule, no matter what is going on in my life. Men are attracted to women who have a vibrant life and who take care of themselves outside and inside. They will only like you more. Always nurture your spirit and do things that give yourself pleasure.

Burning bridges if you don't feel "sparks": Chemistry is elusive as you date. Be patient. Recently I went on a date and had a great evening, but there were no sparks. So what? I decided to accept a second date because we had fun together. Unfortunately, there is still no chemistry. My advice to my "dating self" was to make my date into my friend. The suggestion may offend some men, but take the opportunity to be good company. I know from experience that some men are happy with this idea. Men enjoy the companionship of a woman. There is no pressure; just friendship. Try it. You may be surprised with the results. What can start out as a friendship may even turn into romance. Sparks can disappear, but friendship is forever.

Remember, this is your time. Learn from the mistakes others have made and travel smoothly as you begin dating after divorce.

9 Qualities He’s Really Looking For In A Woman

A good man can be hard to find, and when you do find him it can be tricky to read exactly what he’s

looking for in a partner. While some men may have specific ideals for a partner, it’s more than likely

If you like the same music or support the same sports team, it’s undeniably a massive bonus, but

finding someone with those exact qualities isn’t always realistic. For men, it is about finding a

woman with the whole package, even if it means compromising on a few minor details.

Ten Dating Mistakes Women Should Avoid

In response to my article about the mistakes guys make with respect to dating and relationships, several women have asked me the same questions about themselves. Many have asked why they aren’t meeting quality guys, can’t get second dates, or can’t keep a boyfriend. Well, ladies, instead of blaming the guys, perhaps it’s time to examine some of the things you might be doing wrong on your dates:

1.) Make sure the guy confirms your date before 3 pm the day of the date. When a guy doesn’t confirm the date, he is for all intents and purposes showing you that he really doesn’t care about the date. If he did care, he would confirm the date and tell you that he was looking forward to seeing you. When a guy doesn’t confirm by 3 pm, make other plans. Go out with your girlfriends. Go to the gym. Do anything except wait by the phone to see if he calls. And, don’t just show up. He might have forgotten the date or made other plans. How bad would you feel being stood up?

2.) Don’t ever be late . When you show up even ten minutes late, you are showing the guy that you do not value his time at all. Should you be late, apologize for showing up late. Constant lateness is a terrible habit and very self-centered. A confident guy will not tolerate it too long and you will find yourself alone again. However, if you are unavoidably late, call him to let him know you are running late. After all, how long do you think he is going to wait for you, especially if you have a habit of showing up late all the time?

3.) Don’t ask guys how much money they make. What’s the difference? A guy’s character is not based on the amount of money he makes. Asking a guy for his W2 is basically asking the guy never to call you again. It’s not important at this stage of a relationship. Later on, perhaps after ten dates, he might just volunteer some of that information to you anyway.

4.) Don’t plan out date #2 while still on date #1. A guy will be totally turned off. He will think that you are overly clingy. He will question why you are so into him so early on in the date. Instead, feel free to tell him you had a nice time when the date ends. Allow the guy to be a guy. If he is interested, he will call.

5.) Eat more than just a salad. Why are women afraid to eat when on a dinner date? Do they really think guys question women’s eating habits when they eat more than a salad? A guy would sooner question a woman’s eating habits if she only eats a salad before he would question her diet when she eats a normal meal.

6.) If you are not interested in seeing this guy again, don’t let it drag on. Most of the time, the guy will call you after the date to ask you out again. If you are positive that it isn’t right, don’t avoid him. Don’t allow him to call several times and leave messages hoping he will go away or stop calling. Instead, be open and direct with him. Call him back, but soon into the conversation say, “I had a nice time, but I just don’t think we are right for each other.” The truth will hurt, but it’s the way it must be done. Don’t prolong the agony.

7.) Don’t date just to have a date. Serial dating is a bad thing. When you date a different guy all the time, you are depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet other guys. Don’t be afraid to be single or dateless. Remember, you must be independent before you can be dependent so go out with your girlfriends and have fun. You never know who you will meet.

8.) Don’t mistake sex for love . Guys can easily separate sex and love, but women find it much more difficult. A guy will not love you because you had sex, but will have sex with you when he is in love. Remember this one as your motto.

9.) Don’t jump into bed too soon. A guy will not respect you and think that you jump into bed with a lot of guys. Hey, after all, why would you jump into bed with him on date #1 and not every other guy? Make sure both of you are in love before you take your relationship to this level.

10.) Don’t expect guys to know what you are thinking. Even Einstein had no idea what women were thinking, and he was a genius. Guys just don’t pick up on your clues or your implications. We think very differently and are more direct. If something is on your mind, say it, don’t just think it.

I appreciate all of the comments and emails I have been getting over the past few months. Should there be a topic you would like me to write about in the future, please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.

After being a bachelor for many years and counseling his friends about dating, Brad Berkowitz, who is now a JDate Success Story, decided to write the book, The 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood: Lessons Learned Over 20 Years, to help other men navigate the dating scene. To purchase the book, click here! For more articles by Brad, click here .