Thursday 29 May 2014

Dating relationship advice for commitment phobia

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Diagnosing Commitment Phobia



Moving a relationship from the “just dating” phase to the next level can feel like a round of “Whack-a-mole.”



That’s a popular arcade game in which the player stands in front of a machine with a flat top the size of a small kitchen table. Periodically, automated moles pop their heads out of one of half a dozen holes in the surface. The object of the game is to bop them on the head with an oversized mallet before they disappear again. The faster you swing, the more they pop up and down. Sounds easy enough; but moles are quick little rodents. Just when you think you’ve got one in your sights—you don’t.



If this reminds you of your romantic relationship—a constant game of “catch-me-if-you-can”—then you may be involved with someone who suffers from commitment phobia. Maybe you are that person. Whether you’re hiding in the holes or holding the hammer wishing your partner would just stand still for a second, this article is for you. Here are four things you need to know:



Commitment phobia is often misdiagnosed . “Phobia” is a word that carries a negative connotation, implying irrational, even neurotic, fear. But you should be careful before accusing your partner, or yourself, of being “afraid” to commit. Cautious deliberation when making a decision with life-long implications is not necessarily irrational or fearful. Sometimes it is the most prudent thing to do. Does double-checking your parachute before jumping out of a plane make you acrophobic? Certainly not.



Commitment phobia flares up when “what next?” comes up too soon . If you or your partner feel unsettled at the idea of settling down, it may signal nothing more than the need to let more time go by before considering an exclusive relationship. Rushing to nail down your future together may paradoxically poison it—if the time is not yet right. Remember, just because one of you feels ready now doesn’t mean the other should as well. Each of us must arrive at life-changing decisions in our own time.



Commitment phobia can signal unresolved pain in a person’s past . When a relationship takes longer to develop than we’d like, we often respond in frustration, swinging the hammer harder than ever. That is unlikely to help, especially when the reason for reluctance is a still-tender emotional wound one of you is shielding from further injury. If a previous commitment went bad, it may take an extra helping of compassion and understanding—easy on the accusations—before you are ready to try again.



Commitment phobia is sometimes exactly what it seems—a dodge . When all other options have been considered and discarded, what’s left may be an unpleasant truth—that your partner is dragging his or her feet to keep options open in case someone better comes along. Usually, there are other obvious warning signs as well. If so, call it like it is and move on.



What’s the best antidote to confusion over commitment phobia? Patience. discernment. and communication — lots of it.



Commitment Issues



Due to negative experiences and beliefs (or sometimes a personality disorder), both sexes can suffer from commitment phobia, but more and more men seem to be suffering from this problem (or challenge).



Let's look at some typical behaviours commitment phobic men display in relationships.



Men with commitment issues are tortured souls full of FEAR. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships. In relationships they create great confusion, havoc, pain and anguish as their behaviours are often insensitive, unpredictable and bizarre.



These types of men create can make women who are saints turn into mad women, as they play games with their minds and their hearts.



I am writing this article from my own personal experience, my knowldege, and from interviews and research conducted by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. The interviews were conducted with over hundred men who can’t commit, and the women who have been involved with them. (Ref: Men who can’t Love by Steven Carte and Julia Sokol).



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How to attract the kind of man you want, make him fall in love with you, and get him to commit to you



If you are a great catch who can’t seem to attract or keep a guy, you are probably making the same deadly mistakes that many quality women make with men!



And this is why I wrote this page to teach women how to find, meet and attract a top quality man, make him fall in love with you, and get him to commit to you.



But first, let me ask you something.



Are you a great catch who deserves a very special man in your life?



Are your friends puzzled as to why a fantastic woman like you is still single?



Are you tired of “kissing too many frogs” and are ready for one exceptional man to finally come into your life?



Are you frustrated that single men you meet are not up to par?



Have you been concentrating on your career for too long and are now finding that many men your age are already married?



Does it seem to you that all the good men are taken?



Do you feel that the opportunities for meeting great men are very limited?



Are you anxious to find the love of your life and get married?



Are you feeling that your biological clock is ticking and you want to have a child while you are still young?



Are you worried that you only have few years left to have children and that you can’t afford to wait any longer to get married?



Are you anxious to find a husband before your beauty and youth fade away?



Do you find yourself caught in a pattern of failed relationships that never seem to go anywhere?



Do you keep dating men who keep saying they are not ready to commit?



Have you ever felt heart wrenching pain in your chest when a man whom you thought was going to marry you suddenly left you without an explanation?



Do you ever wish you knew how to identify wonderful men who are “marriage material” and recognize those who aren’t?



Are you dealing with the pain from divorce or a breakup?



Are you starting to feel lonely, longing to find the love you have once experienced?



Or are you feeling that you have been out of the game for so long that you have forgotten how to date?



Do you feel that you are no longer finding the bar scene an appealing venue for meeting men?



Do you feel skeptical about the online dating scene as a venue for meeting quality men?



Are you intimidated by tough competition from other single women on dating sites?



Do you keep getting involved with the wrong type of men instead of the right man?



Do you feel that men always play games and you just don’t know how to read a man’s mind?



Do you wish that men would just open up and tell you honestly where the relationship stands instead of leaving you wondering?



If you’ve answered “YES” to any of these questions, read this page very carefully because I am going to Share My Personal Secrets for Finding, Meeting and Marrying Amazing Men Which Has Worked for Me and Helped Hundreds of Women I have helped Find and Marry a Wonderful Husband!



From talking to other women you probably know that most women have relationship challenges. Some do more than others. But generally, most women do not know how to understand a man and how to relate to a man in your life.



But it’s not your fault! Because many single women find themselves puzzled by men’s behavior. They simply don’t know how to understand men. But don’t worry; because once you are done reading this entire page which will take you less than ten minutes, you will have gained a wholly new perspective on men and relationships.



Let me ask you something; is having a wonderful relationship and a finding a wonderful husband worth ten minutes of your time? If you’ve answered YES, than get ready for an exciting adventure because once you are done reading this page you will be way on your way to finding, meeting, attracting and marrying the man of your dreams!



But first, read the story below to see if this resonates with you…



I met Jen at an annual fundraiser.



She seemed pretty fascinated by my relationship. She asked me where I and my husband met, and kept admiring at how happy of a couple we seemed to be.



She asked me if I wanted to meet for lunch that same week. I didn’t know many single women in the area, so it sounded like a fun thing to do.



That’s how we became friends.



Jen was in her early forties. I was astounded that someone like her was still single.



She was a PhD working on molecular research; she spoke several languages and traveled extensively, domestically and internationally.



She had a beautiful house, drove a fancy car, had great friends some of whom she knew since her childhood; she loved her nieces and took them to Six Flags Marin World in the summer, and even joined her sister when she took them to Disneyland.



Jen took really good care of herself. She ran, rode a mountain bike, and loved yoga.



On weekends Jen invited friends over for BBQ and cooked a delicious meal.



Her house was impeccably clean at all times and beautifully decorated.



She loved romance novels and watching comedy on television.



Jen’s social life was busy and exciting. She attended charity fundraising events and parties with friends. She loved museums and the symphony. Every year she vacationed in Hawaii where she had a timeshare.



The only thing that was missing in Jen’s life was someone special to share all of this with.



More importantly, she wanted a family and children before she ran out of time.



Jen was approached by men all the time. She had great looks and a pleasant personality, and she got asked out a lot.



But it seemed that every time Jen was really attracted to a man, which didn’t happen very often (most of the time she politely rejected men who asked her out on a date), the man she REALLY wanted didn’t call her back, or dropped her like a rock after a few dates without an explanation; or disappeared after several great fun dates and lots of kissing; or even traded her for a woman (who seemed not as good of a catch) after two months of dating and eventually after passionate lovemaking!



Jen just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her!



She’d go out on four great dates with a guy; they’d have a great time, kissed, he’d drop her off at home after a great night at the San Francisco Symphony, gave her a peck of a cheek, told her he’d call her and never called after that!



She thought that perhaps she seemed too cold and aloof, so the next time she met someone she liked, they had hot passionate sex on their third date after he cooked dinner for her and they shared a bottle of great wine. A month later he told her he didn’t know what he wanted and wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship she deserved. He told her he thought she was a wonderful woman who deserved a wonderful relationship, but that he wasn’t at the place in his life, and the timing wasn’t right for him to give her what she wanted.



She listened to her girlfriends’ advice who suggested that she wait for two months before getting physical with a man, and he’d dump her anyway even before they’d become physical.



She tried all kinds of different approaches to dating men, but every time a man she wanted to grow close with faded away after a great first date, a handful of dates and even weeks of dating. She never had a chance to even experience what a REAL relationship was like.



It had been years since she was in a serious relationship. The last one was several years ago. She had been engaged but it didn’t work out, and she seemed to have trouble getting into a new relationship.



Yes, she went out on many dates, but it never resulted in a serious relationship…. Simply because she didn’t understand what men wanted…



Did you know that many quality women can’t attract a man for a relationship, make a man fall in love and keep him not because there is something wrong with them but because they simply don’t know how to go about finding the right man, what attracts him (and it’s not what you think), and what to do to get him to fall in love with you and commit to you?



Yes, beautiful, successful, intelligent, self-sufficient, smart women are still at a loss when it comes to men and dating!



If you think that you are a great catch and yet you can’t seem to keep the guy you date, chances are this is because you don’t have a solid plan of action.



Take this quiz to find out if this is the case with you:



Do men find you attractive?



Do they tell you how beautiful you are?



Do they admire your intelligence, your education, your sophistication?



Do you turn heads everywhere you go?



Do men approach you all the time, ask you out, and ask for your phone number?



Do men you meet tell you that you are the kind of woman every man dreams about but stop calling you after a few dates?



Do you find that all kinds of men ask you out all the time, but you are VERY selective?



Do you find that it is hard to find a guy who is everything you’ve ever wanted in a husband, but as soon as you meet that EXACT kind of a man you think has a potential, he doesn’t call you back, disappears after a handful of dates, or drops off the face of the Earth after a couple of months of dating?



If you’ve answered YES to one or more of the questions above, the reason you have not been able to sustain a relationship with the kind of man you want is not that there is something wrong with you!



The reason you can’t seem to keep a man beyond a few dates regardless of your physical beauty, regardless of your full, happy and complete life, regardless of your busy schedule, regardless of your many qualities, is that you simply don’t know what men want and how to identify the right man who is seriously looking for a relationship, and who will be ready for a relationship with YOU! Moreover, once you find this man, you need to know how to keep him and get him to propose to you!



And not just any guy, but the high quality man who is everything you’ve ever wanted in a man!



As a quality woman, you want someone who is confident, successful, good looking, a good provider, strong but sensitive at the same time, has a great personality and a good sense of humor, who is charismatic, romantic, generous, kind … you fill the blanks…



So, to find this kind of a man isn’t easy. I am sure, as a high quality woman, you get approached by men all the time.



But it’s very infrequent that you meet a man who is not only single and available, but who is also attractive, successful, has his life together and overall is the kind of man you can envision becoming YOUR HUSBAND in the future.



If you are nodding your head now, I know exactly what it feels like because just like you I am very selective when it comes to men I date and marry. But fortunately for me and for you as well since you have found this page. I have cracked the code on how to stop failing with men and marry the kind of man every woman dreams about!



I am going to teach you the secrets about men most women will never know!



I myself have dated extensively; I have been proposed to many times; I have dated only the top quality men. The men I met and dated ranged from large corporation owners, diplomats (yes, this is true), male models, artistic and creative people, you name it.



Not to toot my own horn, just take as an example, my last ex was a true renaissance man who was a talented writer, a screen writer, a musician, and who also had his own business in the financial word. Oh, yeah, he also liked to rub elbows with the famous and powerful of this world – Hollywood movie celebrities, large corporation executives in the Silicon Valley (in case you don’t know, that’s where all the big computer and Internet companies are domiciled and originated from). We had a beautiful four-thousand sq. ft house perched on an acre in Alamo, CA (if you know anything about this area, this is by far one of the most affluent areas in the US), and a Ferrari. Ok, enough bragging…



For years I coached women on how to find the men of their dreams, how to have a great relationship and how to make a man fall deeply in love with you and marry you.



What I realized was that high quality women always seemed to have a much more difficult time keeping a man than women who were not as desirable in men’s eyes.



I was very surprised at my observations and decided to study this phenomenon in more depth.



What I discovered was shocking!



It turned out, that high quality women had very similar patterns in how they approached dating and relationships! And those were the patterns that women who were less desirable and less picky did not seem to have!



So, the behavioral patterns in high quality women were the single contributor that actually caused to drive a man away, to intimidate him and to ruin a perfect budding relationship! It wasn’t that the mere fact of being beautiful, intelligent, career woman was intimidating to men! It was that these women acted very similarly in situations with men, which were the exact things that intimidated men and drove them away!



Did you know that as a high quality woman you act differently from the average woman when it comes to how you approach dating and relationships?



And the reasons you act differently is because being a top quality woman gives you the power in life in general.



You know who you are, what you want and what you are worth; and you are not settling for less than the best.



But this same behavior that makes you a high quality woman reflects negatively on your love life!



Don’t worry, I am not going to tell you to become a pushover, to lose your confidence or to compromise your life style in order to attract a man.



I am not going to tell you to leave your career and to become a “barefoot and pregnant” housewife who has no life of her own.



What I am going to teach you right on this page are the secrets that will help you understand what you are doing wrong so that you can become successful at attracting and keeping the man of your dreams without compromising yourself, losing your confidence or changing who you are.



Mistake Number Two



The second biggest mistake you make when you approach dating and relationships is thinking that your best qualities as a high quality woman are what men want in a woman they fall in love with!



See, if you are like most quality women, you think that your intelligence, your good looks, your class, your charisma, your education, your career, your Pilates class, your cozy home, your beautiful garden, and your knowledge of the nineteen century literature make you a catch.



These are nice things to have, no doubt about that…



BUT…



These are NOT the things that make a man fall in love and stay in love with a woman!



The things that make a relationship progress in the right direction are 1. Physical Attraction == > 2. Emotional Attraction == > 3. Commitment



That easy. Once you master these three elements, you will be able to 1. Find and Attract The RIGHT MAN 2. Make him fall in love with you 3. Get him committed to you without you even asking or dropping hints!



He will be the one asking you to marry him so you don’t even need to panic!



But in order to find and identify the Right Man who is looking for a serious committed relationship and not just a fling, you must know what to look for.



So, let me ask you this;



Do You Know How To:



* Instantly recognize men who are “marriage material”?



* Use the easiest medium for finding and identifying The Right Man for a relationship – your friend The Internet?



* Make men of your choice approach you via a Dating Site?



* Captivate a man on a First Date and make him think of you and only you even when he is out with other women?



* Make him fall desperately in love with you and Make Him Commit?



If not, don’t worry, because I am going to teach you how to do just that.



But in order to find, meet and achieve a commitment and a blissful happily ever after it is essential to understand men’s psychology. And if you don’t know how to understand men and give them what they want so that they’ll want to give you on their own initiative exactly what you want, I am going to give you an exact step-by-step blueprint that will allow you to effortlessly find, attract and marry the kind of man you want!



Have you ever wished you just had a step-by-step guide that you could just refer to as your men blueprint every time you don’t know how to handle a situation with a man? This step-by-step guide will help you steer your relationship in a positive direction that will make a relationship progress in the direction of commitment instead of chipping off the relationship every time a confusing situation arises.



I have put together a system that is just what you need!



This system is based on two aspects:



• Men’s Psychology



• Neuro-linguistic programming



I have developed such powerful system specifically designed for women who are dedicated and committed without a shadow of the doubt to finding the perfect man who is ready and willing for a committed relationship.



If you are:



1. Serious about finding the love of your life;



2. Dedicated to making your relationship with the man of your dreams healthy and fulfilling;



3. Willing to do anything (within reason and common sense) to accomplish that goal in one year or less;



This system is for YOU!



This system has repeatedly proven to work. It has led to many relationships and marriages. This system has been shared with a privileged group of women who were lucky to get in the program years ago and who are now happily married. Because it has worked for so many women, of a variety of ages, and at multiple requests of supporters of this system to put it on the web, I have made it available for a wider audience.



INSTANT DOWNLOAD – To download your copy of this insightful step-by-step dating and relationship guide and start reading it in minutes,



Find Your Future Husband



INSTANT DOWNLOAD – CLICK HERE!



What you will learn in this guide:



- How to instantly determine a man’s relationship potential so you don’t waste time on losers and focus all your attention on a keeper



- How to identify men who are looking for a committed relationship



- How to quickly identify the wrong type of men (player, commitment-phobic, rebounders, and other emotionally unavailable men) saving yourself from a potential heartbreak



- How to create a dating site profile that will attract multiple men who are the EXACT type of men you want and eliminate the random men you don’t need in your life



- How to make men initiate contact with you and think that they are the ones who chose you, when it will be YOU who chose them



- How to keep a man’s interest so that he asks you to meet him in person fast



- How to handle e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging and phone calls to keep his interest before and after in-person meeting



- How to create chemistry on the very first date that will intrigue a man to see you again



- How to instantly mesmerize a man with your powerful magnetism and create a magical feeling of attraction from the first time you meet him even if you are not his type



- How to appeal to a man’s instincts and to subconsciously show him that you like him without saying that



- How to overcome an uncomfortable situation on a date with confidence and composure



- Most common mistakes women make in respect with kissing on the first date



- How to make a man beg you for a second date if you like him



- How to have a memorable second date that will make him think about you and you only, and while he may still be going out with other people, he will be constantly thinking about you wishing he was with you instead



- What to do when a man is dead-set on the idea that if sex doesn’t happen on a third date there will be no fourth date, but you don’t want to lose him



- Everything you need to know about sex, how men perceive sex, and where most women make mistakes using wrong judgment with respect how long to wait to have sex (This Is Not What You Think or Will Ever Read In Other Dating Books!)



- How to make him decide on your third date that you are the one he wants to date exclusively



- What to do when a man asks you for exclusivity and how to respond so that it will make him ask you for commitment later on and within a short time frame



- How to make a man you are intensely attracted to chase you instead of the other way around



- Why men marry some women and not others, and men’s biological clock



- What men want in a woman and how to be the woman men marry



- If you are dead set on a man who you know if a player, some effective techniques to tame a player



- Red flags that show you early when you need to cut your losses and end the relationship that most women tend to ignore



- How to be an independent woman that all men want, and not the kind of independent woman that men are not attracted to



- Final tips now that you are on your way to the wedding chapel



To download your copy of this step-by-step amazing dating and relationship guide for women like you, and start reading it in minutes,



INSTANT DOWNLOAD – CLICK HERE!



It took me years to develop, improve and enhance this system.



You can have it all right now, without trial and error, right on your desk!

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