Top Ten Dating Red Flags for Divorced Women
Your divorce is over and you are ready to get out there and start dating again. You are both excited about the possibilities and terrified that you will find a loser. Chances are you will meet some wonderful – and not so wonderful – men during your journey. Your responsibility is to know exactly what you want in a man and to keep your eyes open for potential red flags.
Dating Red Flag #1 – Is He Wealthy?
He spends money frivolously and likes to flash wads of money. He drives an expensive, fast fancy car, wears a rolex and expensive jewelry, clothing and other accessories. He lavishes you at the finest of restaurants and is always bragging about how much money he has.
Questions to ask yourself:
Could he be pretending he is wealthy to impress you?
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Dating Red Flag #2 – Is He Broke?
He conveniently disappears when the check arrives and leaves you to pay. He never offers to pay for anything. Everywhere he takes you is somewhere free. He expects you to drive and never offers to pay for gas. He tends to show up at your house every evening for dinner.
Questions to ask yourself:
Does he work?
Where is he living?
Is he just a cheapskate?
Dating Red Flag #3 – What Does He Do?
You have been dating for a month or two and he has yet to articulate what he does for a living. He appears nice enough, but conveniently avoids answering personal questions about himself. He may say things like, “I am a jack of all trades,” “I make money in a variety of ways” or “It’s complicated.”
Questions to ask yourself:
What is he hiding?
Is he married?
Is he doing something illegal?
Dating Red Flag #4 – How Many Mamas?
You’re dating someone a little older. He admits to having several children with various women.
Questions to ask yourself:
Were the mama’s pregnant at the same time?
Is he actively involved in the children’s lives?
Are you willing to put up with the drama? (especially if there are young children involved.)
Dating Red Flag #5 – Where Does He Live?
You just find out the man you have been dating is living with his mom or in his sister’s basement. Another scenario could be that he crashes with various friends or lives with a couple of women.
Questions to ask yourself:
What are the circumstances?
How long has he been living like this?
Does he have a solid plan to venture out on his own?
Dating Red Flag #6 – He Said What?
Everything that comes out of his mouth has a negative aura about it. He complains about his job, the economy, his childhood, his friends, his health and anything else that you can think of. He never has anything good to say and bad mouths others consistently.
Questions to ask yourself:
What are you waiting for? Run for the hills.
Why are you allowing his negativity to bring you down?
Do you feel sorry for him and want to “fix” his life?
Dating Red Flag #7- What Does He Tell You?
He tells you to wear his favorite color or certain types of clothing when going out on a date (or he buys you clothes to wear.) He tells you how and when to do everything. He tells you that you are doing it the wrong way or that things you are interested in are stupid.
Questions to ask yourself:
Does he get extremely angry if you do not follow through?
Does he ever apologize to you?
Do you really want to be controlled by another person?
Dating Red Flag #8 – Is He Jealous?
He tells you that he sees you looking at other men. He does not like you talking to other men – including your friend’s husbands or your brother’s friends. He says that he wants you all to himself and does not like to share. He may also be jealous of the time you spend with your family, friends or children.
Questions to ask yourself:
Does he have a reason to be jealous?
Does his jealousy control where and when you go out?
What are you waiting for? Run for the hills.
Dating Red Flag #9 – He Won’t What?
You have made plans for him to meet your family or friends a few times. At the last minute he always cancels because “something came up.” He gives you hundreds of excuses as to why he is afraid to meet them or cannot meet them.
Questions to ask yourself:
Is he afraid they will not like him (or see his true colors?)
Is he trying to control you by alienating you from family and friends?
How many more chances are you willing to give him?
Dating Red Flag #10 – What Did They Say?
He has met your family and friends and none of them have anything good to say about him. It is important to remember that they love you and truly want you to be happy. There is no need to be concerned if only one or two people have something bad to say…but if everyone is saying it…
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Questions to ask yourself:
What are they seeing – and what should I look out for?
Are they all saying the same thing?
Just about any situation can be viewed as a dating red flag based on your previous experiences with your ex-husband. Consider everything and make a list of what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship along with red flags that could point to him being like your ex. After all, you do not want to wind up with another man that is exactly like your ex, just with a different name and body. Most of all, trust in yourself and trust your intuition! Dating after divorce can be fun when you approach it with an open and conscious mind.
This article was originally posted at YourTango. com: Top Ten Dating Red Flags for Divorced Women
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1. His other social media profiles are really private. You're really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No Instagram, no Twitter, no Facebook. No one who online dates is "off the grid." He's hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).
2. He goes dark for huge chunks of time. He's responding to your texts almost immediately. You're thinking things are going really well so far. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours. Then conversation resumes at 4 a. m. like nothing ever happened. Is he sleeping during the day and going out at night to fight crime? Is he Batman? SPOILER ALERT: He is not Batman.
3. You get a text that seems like it was meant for someone else. Either he's being really forward with you or that "thinking of you" text was only sent to you because he wasn't paying attention.
4. He sends 15 texts in a row when you don't respond right away. You didn't respond to the first five? Time to send nine more just to make sure you're not missing them. If he's this … attentive now, just wait until you meet in person.
5. He avoids personal lines of questioning. You're probably hoping he has a sexy, checkered past. Maybe he was a spy or something. In reality, he just doesn't want you to find out about his DUI.
6. He makes every text into a sext. He knows better than to explicitly text, "I m so horne" or ask for pictures of your breasts, but he's always steering the conversation in a sexual direction. Like: "lol u r in bed right now? i wish I was there lol ;-)"
7. He's always "at the gym" or "just getting out of the shower." Think about his sweaty, naked body, dammit . At least, that's what he wants you to do. There's no way anyone showers or lifts that much, bro.
8. He flakes out on plans last minute. You've had plans to meet up on multiple occasions, and something always happens. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing twice might be an unfortunate coincidence. Bailing eight times means he's hoping you'll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.
9. He tries to impress you with humblebrags. He's always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it's OK. He needs money for all those vacations he takes. Maybe you can go with him sometime. People are always checking him out when he walks down the street, but he hates the attention. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool.
10. He leads off with a dick pick. Even if it's a really pretty dick, the odds that this guy is going to be a good husband are slim to none. There's no future here.
11. He calls you "baby" within his first three messages. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there's no reason for some guy you don't know to call you that. "Baby" is code for "I think wearing puka shell necklaces is cool, and no matter where we go, I'm secretly going to do coke in the bathroom."
12. His idea of a date is really just a thinly veiled sexual euphemism. "Hey, how about for our first date, we grab a bite to eat, and then I [vague reference to oral here]." Chances are slim you are going to be like, "Yeah, dude. Let's go grab some Frostys and then bang." Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically.
What Are Some Red Flags I Should Watch Out For Now That I'm Dating Again?
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Question: What Are Some Red Flags I Should Watch Out For Now That I'm Dating Again After Divorce?
If you are newly divorced, you may have spent years in a marriage where you ignored all the red flags. It’s easy to make excuses for bad behavior when we are trying to make a marriage work.
Now that you are single, again you need to learn to pay attention to those red flags. It will keep you from sailing, head first into disaster and another failed marriage. No matter how good looking and alluring your new “friend” may be those red flags tell the true story about who you are dealing with.
It isn’t easy to walk away from a relationship. We all want to hang in there hoping things will change. That, by the way, is how most people end up in abusive relationships. I’ve put together a list of 3 red flags that should never be ignored.
Some people absolutely refuse to deal with an issue or problem in a relationship. They will avoid dealing with it rather than face it directly. If you find yourself in a relationship with an avoider, you will probably spend most of your time focused on finding solutions to problems in the relationship. You can bet the avoider won’t help you so, most of the responsibility for the relationship will fall on you.
An avoidant requires unconditional approval of everything they do. If they don’t get it then they don’t open up with you and fully engage in the relationship. Since unconditional approval is impossible when in a love relationship, you never find yourself involved with an avoidant who is taking full responsibility for their share of the relationship. What they do is spend most of their time judging everything you do and say and then, eventually walking away.
If you are sitting at the dinner table with your date and they go on and on about how their ex destroyed their marriage, their boss makes life at work miserable and their neighbor is the reason they have crabgrass…run, run fast!
I’ve never met an abuser who held themselves accountable for their actions or anything that was happening in their lives. They tend to avoid responsibility. They find excuses and no one can hold them down to a certain standard. They break promises and never stand by agreements. When their world starts to fall apart due to their own lack of responsibility you can bet it will be someone else’s fault.
Originally, this military term referred to people who appeared to comply with an order yet actually undermined what they seem to be doing. They are their own worst enemy and yours also.
The moment you let the passive – aggressive know you like something, get ready to start doing without it. They express their anger in a covert way. Usually by withholding things they know you want or need. They will be affectionate in the living room and cold as a fish in the bedroom. If you are expecting them at 7:30 get ready to wait until 8:00.
The passive – aggressive doesn’t know how to say “that makes me angry.” They are very talented at stabbing you in the back and smiling at you the entire time. They come off as being such good people, someone who would never do anything to hurt you. All the while they are secretly punishing you and, in ways that cause you to think you might be going crazy. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who seems to be too good to be true then, they probably are too good to be true.
Dating Red Flags by Sun Sign
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Every sign of the Zodiac has a devilish side with the potential to take a promising relationship down a dark path. Of course, no sign is "bad" and nobody's perfect, but here are a few standout behaviors that may be a warning right off the bat. If you're paying attention, people usually show through words and actions what they're all about.
His
Watch out for the "catch and release" Aries who loses interest after the conquest is made.
Flirts with other ladies with impunity.
Beware the fury within - unless he's channeled it, it could blow up in your face.
Hers
Her teasing verges on bullying, and sometimes people get hurt (literally).
The player Aries bachelorette brags of the trail of broken hearts she's left behind.
She fights in public, and thrives on conflicts that escalate all out of proportion.
Taurus
His
Takes a totally passive approach to romance to the point of inertia.
All his dates are cheap, when he's looking for the elusive, perfect deal.
He hides in a mellow haze of drugs and alcohol.
Hers
"What's your net worth?". some material girls are on a mission to snatch up a provider.
Everything and everyone branches off from her entrenched tree-self, and that can make her vision very narrow, stilfing to others.
She uses her physical density to take up space, and she can easily elbow you roughly out of the way.
Gemini
His
Liable to take and make calls, and text message during the date.
Manic and chatty, he may seem like he's staging a one-man show.
While playing the field, this eternal bachelor has many kettles on the stove.
Hers
So tightly wound that direct eye contact sends her into nervous spasms.
Fills the space with static, by talking non-stop often leading to T. M.I..
An excitement junkie that creates drama with no real emotion behind it, making her appear devious, manipulating.
His
Recoils and shows bitterness at the slightest hint of criticism.
Once a mood hits, it could take days for the clouds to part.
Can seem like a big toddler at the whim of his emotions.
Hers
Lays out her emotional tragedies on the first date, presenting a tall order for the would-be rescuer.
Throws caution to the wind and merges sexually, hoping the desired love will follow.
Casts pearls before swine, then plays the victim, before learning to protect herself.
Leo
His
Lanquidly lazy with his love, especially with a sincere giver-type.
Tests the affection of those he dates by becoming an ignore-ramus.
Can be a petty tyrant with waitstaff, and intimates who've fallen into a servant role.
Hers
If dissatisfied, her emotional spectrum stays within the shades of anger, making her seem stuck and unsympathetic.
Accepts gifts and expensive outings long after it's clear she's not interested.
Wants to be treated like a queen, and is prone to treating others like subjects.
Virgo
His
Gives a dispassionate assessment of his date's appearance, along with suggestions for improvement.
Upon entry into your home, he immediately begins spot-cleaning.
Picks out the non-fresh or undercooked items from the dinner you've presented.
Hers
Brings her own carefully prepared single-portion meal to the dinner party.
Grows ornery if spontaneity threatens her daily routine.
Becomes incapacitated in the vicinity of a crush.
Libra
His
Goes missing in action when faced with any kind of confrontation.
Has a fluid sexuality, not always knowing which team he's playing for, perhaps both.
Extreme Libra lives in his head as the dreamer, never actually doing anything.
Hers
Tries to constantly prove her intellectual superiority.
Is quick to disqualify a potential mate, and broadcasts his flaws to the general public.
Extreme Libra considers life a beauty pageant that she'll stop at nothing to win.
Scorpio
His
Turns into a menacing interrogator after a few dates.
Gets icy and distant if he suspects he's been crossed.
Can be a psychic vampire, able to drain your lifeforce even at a distance.
Hers
Emits noxious stings and barbs as a way of keeping intimacy at bay.
Knows she's intimidating, and doesn't care.
Is too mistrustful to let anyone in.
Sagittarius
His
Some Sadge men take down numbers with sincerity, but never call.
High percentage of players, in the playful sense, and sex is just part of their big adventure.
He goes for the perfect package, and is always looking for an upgrade.
Hers
Uses a verbal crowbar when tact and sensitivity are urgently needed.
A hot and eager Sadge can deflate the will of men wanting to uncover a mystery.
She's liable to divulge the blow by blow to all her friends, eliminating any sense of private intimacy.
Capricorn
His
Extreme Cap is a social climber, sizing you up as a step up or step down.
His dark and complex nature makes it hard to believe in making him "happy."
He'll seem disinterested, and it's up to you to hang in there or not.
Hers
She uses disappointments to confirm her lack of luck in love.
A date may seem more like a job interview -- and she's the boss.
The work-a-holic Cap acts brusque and finds it hard to be spontaneous in a casual setting.
Aquarius
His
Gets shifty-eyed and insecure in one-on-one encounters.
At the mention of deeper emotion, he gets a far-away look, then goes far away.
Can have a clinical curiosity about sex that offends more sensitive lovers.
Hers
Tries to strongarm a date into supporting their cause, attending a rally.
Can be a know-it-all, and unable to budge on any position.
Is resistant to being isolated as one unit, prefering to meet in groups.
Pisces
His
May over-idealize a date from the get go, setting the human girl up for failure.
His kind of sensitivity finds refuge in altered states, so you can't be sure who you'll find next time.
Evades deeper connections through a disappearing act.
Hers
Finds reality so harsh that the edges have to be softened with substances.
Can lose her moral compass because she wants to please and be liked.
Is susceptible to delusions and breathless obsessions over people.
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