Dating married men

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Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder

Dr. Warren is a clinical psychologist and author of eight books on love, marriage and emotional health. During 35 years of counseling thousands of married couples, Dr. Warren observed a set of characteristics that seemed to be present in all successful relationships. He called them the 29 Dimensions of Compatibility. After extensive research involving thousands of married couples, Dr. Warren confirmed that these dimensions were indeed highly predictive of relationship success and could be used to match singles. Ten years later, eHarmony's compatibility matching is responsible for nearly 4% of U. S. marriages.*

*2012 U. S. survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive®

eHarmony - #1 Trusted Online Dating Site for Singles

eHarmony is the first service within the online dating industry to use a scientific approach to matching highly compatible singles. eHarmony's matching is based on using its 29 DIMENSIONS® model to match couples based on features of compatibility found in thousands of successful relationships.

eHarmony is committed to helping singles find love every day . and with over 20 million registered online users, we are confident in our ability to do so. The eHarmony Compatibility Matching System® matches single women and men based on 29 Dimensions® of Compatibility for lasting and fulfilling relationships.

Traditional Internet dating can be challenging for those singles looking for love that lasts. But eHarmony is not a traditional dating site. Of all the single men or women you may meet online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.

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Nearly 4% of U. S. Newlyweds Can't Be Wrong

eHarmony is different than other online dating websites and services, and we believe our success speaks for itself. On average, 438 people get married every day in the United States because of eHarmony; that accounts for nearly 4% of new U. S. marriages.* At eHarmony, we believe you deserve to find love – true love that comes with a lasting relationship. Because of this, we are committed to assisting singles everywhere in their search to find love and romantic fulfillment.

*2012 U. S. survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive® online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.

Meet People of all Ages, Races, and Religions on eHarmony

With over 20 million registered users, the eHarmony member base is an ethnically, racially, and religiously diverse group of individuals of all ages – all of whom are looking to find someone special. Amongst our most popular demographics are: Christian Singles. Jewish Singles. Black Singles. Hispanic Singles. Asian Singles. 30s Singles and Senior Singles. We understand it can be difficult to find a mate with whom you share a similar background, goals, or beliefs, and regardless of who you may be looking for, eHarmony wants to help you find the love of your life.

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More Personal than Personal Ads

Unlike traditional dating websites, eHarmony matches compatible men and women based on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility that are predictors of long-term relationship success. Determining compatibility through conventional dating methods could take months, or even years, of interaction between you and your potential partner. At eHarmony, we deliver more than personal ads . We are committed to matching you with truly compatible men or women in order to provide you with the best online dating and relationship experience possible. This is one of the many reasons why eHarmony is now the #1 Trusted Online Dating Site for American singles.

Free Online Dating Advice and Community

We at eHarmony want you to find love and romance and to make it last. To assist you in this quest, we offer free dating advice at: eH Advice. Meet people in our on line dating community, utilize our Date Planner, and receive advice from our relationship experts.

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eHarmony Success Stories

If you've met someone special through eHarmony, please contact us and let us know how it all started and how the relationship is progressing. Thousands of eHarmony couples have shared their stories with us. To learn more about eHarmony success stories, simply click the link below.

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Affair Survival: Tips For Dating a Married Man

Perhaps the best advice you can give someone about having a relationship with a married man is telling her not to even start. However, that may not be practical for all women. As my friend Jenna* told me, "You can't help who you fall in love with. The love of your life just might be a married man."

Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know. But when the man with whom you're involved is part of another couple, someone else's husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win.

The woman who is in love with a married man lives a life that, for the most part, is shrouded in secrecy. Her close circle of friends might know about her affair, but she really cannot let anyone else, such as colleagues or her family, know. She is alone most of the time and spends it waiting: waiting for her married lover to call, to come meet her, to share some precious time together. She is not his wife, she is not mother to his children, she is not his parents' daughter-in-law. Her chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least.

Your own survival is crucial, and if you do happen to fall in love with a married man, there are several hard truths you need to know.

1. The needs of the many (namely, his family) will always outweigh your needs.

His family will always come first, and that includes his wife. Simply because he talks in a negative way about his marriage doesn't mean that his obligations to his wife are any less important to him. Whether or not they have children is a moot point; he will always feel as if he has to be a husband to her and take care of the marriage, whether he truly loves her or not. Their life together includes friendships and a social network that is shared and comfortable for him. He won't risk losing that.

2. His life with you is secret and always will be.

No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won't happen. While he is more than willing to be your lover and to bring you gifts, he is not about to have you meet his friends and risk having his family find out about you.

3. No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him.

This is not an easy statement to comprehend. It's emotionally painful. Unfortunately it is true. The beginning of an affair is romantic and naughty at the same time. Planning to be together becomes a fascinating game and is thrilling to say the least. Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. Don't. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do."

4. He will not leave his wife.

Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman. Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy. And don't ever kid yourself on this important point: He is still having sex with his wife, no matter what you may want to believe.

5. Legally, financially and emotionally, you have no claim.

You may realize that you have no claim legally or financially, but you would think there'd be an emotional attachment or bond between you and your lover. In fact there usually isn't after the affair is over. Here's why. Even though he has a deep feeling of love for you, he is able to process it in an unemotional way. He's not a bad guy, he may be a wonderfully kind person, but he is also a practical one. He knows that holding on to emotions that can only cause problems for his family is something he cannot and will not do. When it's over, he will move on.

To safeguard yourself from too much emotional pain, you need to understand that he can only be a small part of your life and will never be more than that no matter how many promises are made. You need to have a life that works and that is full enough to withstand the pain of the eventual breakup. He has one and you need one, too.

A solid circle of friends and a social life separate from your hidden life with him is a necessity. Let your friends know that you still want to go out with them regularly. Don't always be so ready to cancel plans you have made with others to accommodate him. Casual dating with male friends helps, too. It allows you to see yourself through the eyes of another man who finds you interesting and attractive. It is up to you where it might lead. It helps to remember that the man with whom you are intimately involved in "your other life" is not living as a monk with his wife.

Being involved in an affair with someone else's husband is an almost surefire trip from ecstatic highs at the beginning to a depressing abyss at the end. Understand the basics of exactly what you are getting into, and what your status is.

You need to step back and identify the priorities -- your priorities -- in a relationship with a married man. Think with your head and not with your heart. Ensuring you have a life distinct from his that is your safe haven can make being the other woman, if not a secure, permanent position, at least one that is a bit more tolerable.

*name changed

© 2012 copyright Kristen Houghton

Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious new book, No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues.

Dating

Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship. beyond the level of friendship. or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

History [ edit ]

Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries. From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology. dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including advances in technology and medicine. As humans have evolved from hunter-gatherers into civilized societies and more recently into modern societies, there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to happen. [ 3 ]

Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species. in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life. [ 4 ] According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. [ 4 ] These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human reproduction. including dating. However, one particularity of the human species is that pair bonds are often formed without necessarily having the intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds formed by same-sex and transsexual couples, and that many heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing widely in many countries.

Historically, marriages in most societies were arranged by parents and older relatives with the goal not being love but legacy and "economic stability and political alliances", according to anthropologists. [ 5 ] Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial period such as dating before a permanent community-recognized union was formed between a man and a woman. While pair-bonds of varying forms were recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, marriage was reserved for heterosexual pairings and had a transactional nature, where wives were in many cases a form of property being exchanged between father and husband, and who would have to serve the function of reproduction. Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such as Europe ; in China. according to sociologist Tang Can, society "demanded people get married before having a sexual relationship" [ 6 ] and many societies found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was the best way of rearing and educating children as well as helping to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates.

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The Private Man

Helpful Hint For A Woman’s Online Dating Profile

Since this page is proving so popular I urge you readers to learn about the one-on-one, phone-based dating and attraction advice I offer.

[This post has persistence. With that in mind, here are three other posts that directly addresses some of the dating challenges that women face: A Dating Exercise For Women. the Amazing Follow-up , and A Huge Dating Secret For Women. Enjoy]

I read so many online dating profiles that I get dizzy. The vast majority of women’s online dating profiles are completely and utterly generic: Walks on the beach, shopping, I’m fabulous, I love my dog, no games, family and friends are important. This goes on ad infinitum and ad nauseam. Such generic text does not speak well of a woman’s sense of honest introspection.

Worse, the photos are simply awful. Bad photos tell men that the woman really isn’t making much of an effort. Advice? Professional photographs. I mean that. Who is telling women that men are not visual? Is Oprah or Dr. Phil telling those lies? Someone needs a clue-by-four upside the head.

It’s been said over and over again: Women must bring something to the dating and relationship table if they want something more than just a short-term fling. Women are the gatekeepers of sexuality. The flip side of that is that men are the gatekeepers of commitment. In the long run, men hold the relationship power (most of them just don’t know it).

With this in mind, a good online dating profile must clearly spell out what a woman offers to her potential paramour and candidate for a committed relationship. Here’s another huge mistake that a woman makes – she describes herself in terms of what she wants in a man. This is where the strong and independent fallacy takes shape. A woman wants a strong and independent man so she incorrectly believes that a man wants a strong and independent woman. That is completely wrong. Men want a feminine women but one who is resilient and self-reliant. The feminine attracts the masculine.

As men are rational and logical creatures regarding dating, a woman should specifically state what she offers in terms of what a man actually wants. A list is not the stuff of romance unicorns and rainbows. But a woman must consider her audience. Logic and reason are masculine qualities and a woman must communicate to such an audience with her profile.

I’ll make it easy for the women with an example and format to use. My comments are in brackets. These are only examples. If a woman wants to use this example, she best do a serious inventory of what she offers a man.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Would Be Your Best Girlfriend Ever:

10. You will see me wearing sexy lingerie more than “comfortable” undies. [I think this is fairly obvious.]

9. You won’t hear me nag and complain because I don’t sweat the small stuff. [Men loathe nagging and complaining. It's sandpaper on our eardrums and on our brains.]

8. You will be proud to have me on your arm when we go out in public and your friends will probably be envious. [Dresses, skirts, high heels makeup, and good hair. A man wants to take pride in the woman on his arm.]

7. You will never, ever compete with me. [Men compete with each other, not the woman in his life. competitiveness is a masculine trait.]

6. You will be nicely surprised when I kiss you passionately at unexpected times and in unexpected places. [Affection helps to bond a man to you.]

5. You will never see me roll my eyes at you when you say something because I will respect you. [Men want respect and even small signs of disrespect will drive a man away from you. Try that shit in public and I advise the man to walk away immediately without regret.]

4. You will see my smile far more often than my frown. [Negative feelings are mostly unnecessary drama for men. As the Swedes say about a good woman - she should be happy, horny, and grateful]

3. You will find yourself thinking seriously about my observations on life and current events. [Many men won't well tolerate a woman who only knows shopping and reality TV.]

2. You won’t be holding my purse at the shoe store. You won’t even BE at the shoe store with me. [Do you see that bored chump in the shoe store holding his girl's purse? 'Nuff said.]

1. You rarely, if ever, hear these awful words: “I’m not in the mood”. [Deny sex too often and he will deny or break his commitment. Go ahead ladies, try it. If he still sticks around anyway then you will quickly learn to loathe him.]

Notice how these statements are structured with the personal pronoun “you” leading each one. The emphasis is on the guy, not the gal. An entitlement princess would never write such things. This kind of list should lead the profile to show what the woman offers in the context of dating and relationships.

As for the rest of the profile, that advice will come later. Let’s just say it isn’t a list of demands but a more creative way of expressing a woman’s preferences in a man.

Final Note – Consider the services of a professional dating coach. Seriously, I mean that.

Meeting and Dating (White) Men

Recently, I received this brief note from one of my readers:

“I’m attracted to white men but sadly they are not attracted to me.”

This is a concern expressed by a number of black girls and women who are interested in dating interracially but have not yet done so. Based on my experiences, many black girls and women who feel this way have spent most of their time in predominantly black neighborhoods, and interacted mainly with other black people. Since their personal interaction with non-black men is limited, their beliefs are shaped by secondhand sources:

Repeated “warnings” from members of the “black community,” who – pretending to be speaking in their best interest – tell black women that non-black men either aren’t interested in black women, or are only interested in those who look “close to white”;

They’ve grown used to men living in or around their area boldly shouting to and approaching them anytime, anywhere, anyplace – even at times and places where it’s inconvenient and highly inappropriate – thus these women can’t recognize any other type of interest;

Media images.

How to Know if He Likes You

In my experience, and that of most black women I know, many (though not all) white guys in the U. S. tend to be relatively subtle about their interest. If you’ve already made up your mind that they aren’t interested, then you won’t pick up on the signs when they are. If you are open-minded to the possibility, it won’t be too hard to tell when a man is attracted to you. Initially, most will try to catch your eyes and hold your gaze, and smile. If they receive signs that the interest is mutual (i. e. you smile back and hold their gaze), a man will know you are open to him approaching you and making small talk. If you continue showing signs that you’re interested during the conversation (you smile, listen and respond as if you enjoy conversing as much as they do), they will take it as a sign that you are comfortable with them and interested in getting to know them better. The next step may be to ask you out on a date.

Where & How You Meet Men Makes a Difference

Some black women, though they don’t like the behavior, grow accustomed to strangers in heat hollering and whistling for their attention, or even pursuing them down the street. As a result, these women may be frustrated or even turned off by the subtle methods of approach I outlined in the previous paragraph. Personally, though, I’ve always strongly preferred more subtle approaches. First, I find it polite and respectful for a guy to take the time to notice and consider what the lady wants before making a move. Second, I liked talking to a guy a little first so I could get a basic idea of his personality before agreeing to accompany him on a date or giving him my phone number. Otherwise, how would I know if I’d want to invest the time and effort to go out with him and get to know him better? How would I know if I’d want him to have my number? In the words of MsAlexMM. “Asking a woman ‘What’s your number?’ right off the bat is like starting a job interview with ‘You’re gonna hire me, right?’” Just as you would find it odd and (hopefully) reject the invitation of a random stranger who approached you out of the blue asking to be friends and to hang out somewhere the next day, you shouldn’t see a random stranger as a potential boyfriend, either. As a common saying goes, “Love is friendship set on fire.” Just as there’s something that leads you to want to get to know a person better as a potential friend (i. e. friendly personality, shared interests, hobbies), there should be something leading you to want to go out on a date with someone and get to know him better.

If his purpose in dating is to have a serious relationship, he, too, will want to get an idea of your personality first for the same reasons. On the other hand, if a man is looking for a one-night stand, a fling, something on the side, or something short term and unserious, his only interest will be that you look nice enough to bed or to be seen in public with for the time being. A man who sees you as a person, though, will speak to you as

a person. A man who sees you as anything less will insult your intelligence by using pick-up artist techniques, “spitting game,” “macking” – or whatever such things are being called this year. Men such as these are to be avoided by a lady seeking a serious relationship at all costs. Even if his lines are impressive or “seem” sweet (he’s recited them to 30 other girls that day so he should have the right flair and emotion by now), you should remember that he’s wearing a mask to impress you. You won’t get a good sense of who he is if he’s playing a role rather than being himself. A little flirting is fine; being a “mack daddy” is not. I have good intuition, so a “bad guy” hasn’t even gotten me on a first date much less into a relationship. The last thing you want is a guy who puts up a front until he gets what he wants – sex, or in a few cases, marriage. So if you don’t want to be used or face the expense and heartbreak of a broken marriage, skip the “macks” and pick-up artists and go for the ones who speak from the mind and heart. Set the bar for realness from the start.

Places NOT to Meet Men

Nightclubs and Bars: These are pick-up joints. One-night stand seekers, cheaters and other sleazes are heavily concentrated in clubs. Meanwhile, people looking for serious relationships are not .

The street . If you’re on the street, it’s because you’ve got somewhere to go. Period. Keep it that way. Decent men don’t go looking for classy ladies on the side of the road. Since street pick-up attempts are so common in low-income areas, some girls and women who grow up in these areas aren’t aware that it’s abnormal and unacceptable. Nowhere in the history of any society did men pick up potential wives on street corners. If he’s picking you up there, either he’s unversed in social etiquette (that is, lacks class) – or he sees you as lacking in class. To be blunt, the streets are where men pick up hookers. He knows nothing about you, so he’s picking you up solely on the basis of the lust you arouse in him – and because the 70 other women he hit on in the streets that day rejected him. Every man likes a challenge – a woman who must see him as special in order for him to attract and then keep her. If you respect yourself, you will also reserve your attentions for men who are attracted to something special about you rather than simply because you’re one of the thousands of female bodies he glimpsed passing by him on the street that day. If all it takes is “Hey, ma, can I get your number?” he will think you’re easy and will never respect you. Also, men who’ve developed the distasteful habit of picking up women along the roadside tend to continue the habit even when in a relationship, because it becomes sport to see how many women will say yes. Think about the number of men who shout to you as you walk down the streets in some areas…is it really possible that ALL of those men are single? Half . Of course not. Women unfortunate enough to have accepted their street approach (pun intended) are now paying these men’s rent and working two jobs to care for their babies while those men stand on the corner or walk the streets all day hoping to score with women like you. You won’t meet cultured, intelligent, classy men in the streets, because decent men know this is low class behavior and don’t engage in it.

Where & How to Meet Intelligent, Cultured Men

If you are interested in a long-term relationship, it’s best to meet men in locations frequented by those with a common interest (i. e. your university, church, aerobics class, salsa lessons, bookstore, library, art gallery, opera, orchestra, festivals); while out doing something that interests you (i. e. traveling, hiking, wine tasting, volunteering [one possibility to consider: volunteer work with a grassroots political organization], horseback riding, tennis, visiting a museum, going to a cocktail party, browsing personal ads in your local financial paper, seminars, cultural events); at a club devoted to a hobby or interest (i. e. book club, jazz club, photography club, golf club [he can help you perfect your swing, wink ], country club etc.). In other words, find activities that match your personality – and go have fun. When you’re out enjoying your life, you’ll give off pleasant vibes, which will in turn attract other healthy, happy people. (Alternatively, if you feel blue, undesirable, lonely, or desperate to meet someone, you will give off vibes that will turn people off or attract other unhealthy people such as users and abusers seeking to exploit you). When you’re out doing what you love, smile and talk to various people. This will help you expand your social circle. Not only will guys you talk to while you’re enjoying yourself want to spend more time getting to know you and ask you out, but the women you meet and befriend may have single guy friends (wink). Also, sign up on several dating sites (see links at the bottom of this site). It’s a great way to cast your net

wide and meet men you would not normally meet in your day-to-day life.

How to Know if He’s Long-term Relationship Material

A guy who sees you as a person and genuinely wants to get to know you will want to know your views on various subjects and engage you in deep discussions. Therefore, as you become more comfortable, such topics as world events, the news, politics, religion will come up (though you should avoid talking about politics on the first few dates, and should discuss religion even earlier if it’s very important in your life). Also, he’ll want you to get to know him and strengthen the bond, so he’ll take you to meet his family and friends, gradually share details about his life and family, as well as his innermost thoughts, problems and future plans as the trust between you builds. He’ll be just as interested in learning similar details about your life. However, if he’d prefer to spend all of your time together talking about sex, trying to get you into bed, “sweet-talking” you (buttering you up with empty, excessive flattery), bragging (superficial conversation may be a tool to impress you with his possessions so you’ll just “give it up” or skip the vetting process), talking about what he will do for you (he should be showing how he feels a lot more than saying it), then he’s a waste of your time if you are looking for a serious relationship. A man interested in a long-term relationship will have real conversations with you so you can really get to know each other. A man interested in a one-night stand or short-term affair won’t bother to invest much time or effort in you. He’ll want to woo you quickly, get you into bed, and ditch you before you know what hit you. Speaking of which, I strongly recommend waiting until marriage to have sex. When a relationship ends with a man you’ve slept with, the wounds are far deeper, as you’ll most likely feel you gave up something you can’t get back. If this pattern continues, you will be too broken to function well in a relationship by the time you do meet the right guy. Also, letting a strong emotional bond lead to love, and love lead to sex is the best way to establish a long-term relationship. It’s like building a house. A relationship centered around a strong emotional bond is the securest and best. A relationship centered around lust is weak, and easily destroyed, as sex can be obtained anywhere from anyone. There is only one you . so getting to know you deeply and profoundly and falling in love with you is the type of bond that can’t be replicated anywhere.

Oh…and lest you still have any doubt about how beautiful you are…travel. travel (wink).